I’m in my 30’s and live rent-free with parents AMA

[NC4AMAx]

The rent free is because my parents are wealthy. No mortgage.

God knows I’ve tried to send them money to contribute to bills, but they get offended and just transfer me back. I also buy my own food and toiletries.

Thought I would clear that up first. But AMA(else).

I don’t think it’s that unusual in this day and age. 30 is probably older than average to be still at home but not unheard of for sure.

what are you hoping is your timeline for moving out? Are you hoping to have saved enough in eg 5 years to be able to buy your own place or ideally before then?

do you have siblings? Do they mind the rent free agreement if so.

your parents sound really nice

It’s ok❤️ I suffered from a nasty assault as a teenager and probably had some built up trauma from it.

I kept the self harm away from them but when it got too obvious to hide anymore they were really really supportive. I am lucky because not everyone has a good support system when they’re in a crisis.

Marriage and children aren’t a massive goal right now, my main is to just have my own space to call mine and be proud of it. But if I get the chance then yes, would love it.

40 is 7 years away, so definitely in my own place. And hopefully I’ve moved up the ranks at work and got a better salary.

Do you think so? Both my DC are going to be housesharing and fine with it. Ofc they are younger than OP.
And I come from a culture where people live with their parents and are charged zero rent.

In fact, I plan to move my mum into my home when DS moves out. 😀

Because I want the deposit to come from my money. Which I work to earn.

I havnt saved up consistently for 6 years. There have been periods where I have been out of work due to redundancy and ill mental health. I had a lot of credit card debts from my uni days.

Thank you ❤️

Do you ever have a burning desire to create your own nest, decorate as you wish, make your own mark on the place and live 100% how you'd choose to live?

1. what do you do for work? 25k seems low for a graduate in her 30s, no wonder you can’t afford your own home.
2. you say living with parents doesn’t impact dating, do you tell them you’re on a date if they ask where you’re off to? Or where you’re staying when you stay over at his for first time? I found that incredibly awkward and tended to lie when I lived at home which isn’t sustainable so it definitely impacted me dating. I think as my parents are fine with established relationships, but I wouldn’t want to expose them to all of the ‘three dates, have sex, have a couple more sleep overs, it fizzles out not sure why someone ghosts’ dramas that happened in my late 20s early 30s.

Do you have siblings? And if yes - assuming that they do not also live in the family home - how do they feel about your parents supporting you financially but not them?

I left home when I was 18 so this is hard for me to relate to.

I left home at 18 but I can relate. Different people, different situations etc. Your post is really unpleasant as are some others. OP is just living at home, not dealing crack or mugging old ladies or torching migrants in their homes.

Are you an only child @NC4AMAx
Some horrid responses on here.

Our dd is 28 and although she has a property of her own (rented out) and a bf who has his own flat (round the corner to his mum and dad, and he lived at his mum's when he was qualifying because she looked after him and all he had to do was: up, work, home, dinner, study for three hours), she lives here Sun to Thursday, because her workplace osna 20 minute walk away.

Some parents (even boomers) actually love and get on with their grown up dc and want to help and support them.

Honestly don't see the issue. Especially as your parents don't mind. Are you an only child?
The only 2 things I'd say are you need to save more. I don't know how much you're saving now you're working. And secondly if your parents want to help you financially let them.
I honestly don't know why you'd want to move if you don't actually need to.

Sure, but you could live close to your workplace!

Look, OP, it’s fairly clear why your parents are telling you to feel no guilt about living with them at 30 — you had episodes of poor MH, including self-harm and suicidal ideation, and you’ve made some poor financial decisions. They think you’re vulnerable, with good reason.

It sounds like you are happy living there, and that’s fine.

But I think you need to be a bit more realistic with your ability to leave home based on your earnings and savings.

why wouldn’t you let them help you buy a house? Wouldn’t it be like early (and useful) inheritance, and they can see you settled.

In my honest opinion I think it's not a problem.
I would keep my children at home until they are ready. Why would I send them in to the world to struggle?
Your saving to buy a home you don't want your parents to pay for. Other cultures keep children at home until they are ready so why not? Your parents love you. They support you. Your very lucky.
I hope you find love, a beautiful home. 30 isn't that old. You have time ❤️.

Thanks for this AMA OP. It’s a situation that is becoming more common so it’s interesting to hear more about it. I lived with my parents for a few years in my 20s before buying a one bedroom flat of my own. I have to say that I never enjoyed living on my own, I know that some people do but I really disliked it. I wouldn’t have enjoyed a flat share at that age but living with family can work really well imo.

She is. With her parents.

I actually think you ard very sensible OP. Get as much saved as possible while you can and it will set you in a better position than your peers in later life.
There is a huge difference between buying with a small deposit and a larger deposit.

We bought later in life and are set to have paid less interest and finish our mortgage the same time as younger buyers in our peer group.

DS is 25 and we are retired with no mortgage, we are travelling a lot about to go away for 6 weeks and have already been away for a month this year. His GF has also moved in it is temporary but I really like the fact the house is lived in while we are away, we plan to be away for 6 months next year so it’s useful for us.

I don’t see a problem with your set up, also you have had some issues, wish you all the best,

I don’t see the issue. They obviously have space and don’t need the money. It makes perfect sense to me.
a lot of cultures do this as a standard norm,

why pay a landlord when wealth can be kept within the family.
you could rent somewhere but then you are just lining someone else’s pockets.

But you won't be buying a house with your own money. You are basically using their money as they aren't charging you rent so you can save it. If I was you I would just take their offer to help you buy a house, move out and get on with your life!

@NC4AMAx

why don’t you want to? Sure it won’t be as nice as your parents home in terms of home comforts etc but you will have your freedom and independence and who knows maybe one of your housemates will be sexy and you get with them! 😜

Do you feel bad and have posted this for a bit of self flagellation? You are ok with it, they are ok with it , you are respectful of each other, youve lived away so it’s not a failure to launch type thing - do it’s all ok isn’t it?

in real life though people never tell you their true opinion!

On other posts, when I say I don't charge my DC rent, I have been told I am babying them and they will never learn the value of money.
So it seems some think parents not taking rent is lovely, others think it's enabling.

Hi op. There are some really odd responses on here( imo!). My 27 year old lives at home as does the 19 year old. 27 year old did the uni thing,good degree,lived away for a while as had contract job and now back home trying to find work and has been for around 3 years( with contract role closer to home,now ended).We are not at all well off but we wouldn't dream of 'casting him out'. I wish you all the best.

So a mortgage and all outgoings is doable as a single person

It is if you earn enough. It's not if you don't.

Yes, but if you still want to date with a view to marriage and children, surely you can see that living in your parents’ house isn’t going to help advance that?

Why is that? It was a perfectly normal way to conduct a relationship until marriage in the past. Or until you decided to live together.