My 2 kids go to boarding school, AMA

[happylady1982]

My kids are 14 and 16, they both go to boarding school. Weekly boarding. This means they come home every weekend, and during the half terms and the major holidays too (Christmas, easter, summer).

Right now it's the summer holidays so they are home.

I wanted to do an AMA cause I think people still have negative stereotypes about boarding school.

@Gloriia If a child is unhappy at a boarding school their parents usually take them out.

Many of the students I taught loved boarding school. Many had otherwise unstable home lives. School provided stability.

Parents who were living apart so a lot of tension and conflict, parents whose work was overseas, parents who worked very irregular hours or long distance or in unsafe places across the world (the Forces, for example.) Single parents- including those whose partners had died, and whose work was irregular ( 'entertainment/film industry.')

Some children had 'special needs' and would not have been catered for in a large state school, so a small school that also offered boarding worked for them.

In many private secondary schools, older students have prep till 8 or 9 pm. (I used to supervise it.) After that they had an hour or so before bed.
They didn't have time to be bored or sit around missing home.
And if they were unhappy, there were pastoral staff to help out.

Inevitably, though, it will be true of some who send their children away to be educated.

'People seem to have this image of children being dragged away screaming and shouting into a boarding house where they have 1 cold shower a week, are fed gruel and aren't allowed to contact home for weeks on end'

Not one poster has suggested that. Rather, kids don't know what's best for them that's what parents are for.

So yes having nonstop sleepovers with pals and going sailing to plug the family gaps, only seeing their seeing Mum and Dad at weekends and hols might seem great fun but when they get older they often look back and realise family time is more important than making theatre costumes and other vital extracurricular activites with paid staff.

The pp started an ama so they will get debate. If they're happy with their choices good for them.

Have you met any children in real life who are weekly boarders?

You seem so insistent that there is only one way- your way!
You also seem to imagine that all families are happy families, whereas many are not- parents not getting on, going through separation, being fully stretched with work so they come home late, tired and frazzled, sibling rivalry, etc.

Boarding school suits some families and children very well.

The OP's children are teenagers. They are not 7.

My ex partner boarded from 7 to 19 in single sex schools including one of the top public schools That is partly why he's an ex. He said it damaged him. However, he is fully behind boarding for older children if it works for them.

There is a HUGE difference between children boarding full time from a young age and teens weekly boarding.

Of course there are a small minority who just want the kids out of the way...but that's the same as any family who is a bit broken.

Is it really best for the kids to be travelling for 2+ hrs a day to get to school and have no time to socialise outside of school because they don't get home till gone 8pm and then still have homework to do and eat dinner etc?
It is beneficial for some kids to sleepover Mon-Thurs, and they are perfectly loved and cared for by their parents.

It's not the same as being sent away for months on end against the kids wishes with no contact from home.

That’s a false binary. Those aren’t the only two choices. Best is a day school near enough to home for the commute not to onerous. No amount of cool extra curricular activities changes that.

All private school offer a whole list of extra curricular activities and sports. All of them.
There's not a chance the only appropriate school offering these vital activites would be 2hrs away.

Parenting is not just for weekend and holidays.

The best school for them might well be.

It's not just about co-curricular.

Do you think all private schools are just identikit copies of each other? Do you also think there are that many that they are all dotted within a ten minute radius of everyone?

That is the school they have chosen as a family and that is the school the children chose, specifically expecting and wanting to board weekly.

We get that you are perfect parent and love your kids more than boarding parents.

Shame you seem unable to understand or fathom that nit every child, family or situation is the same as yours 🤷

If your child was an excellent musician/athlete/whatever.... and a scholarship was offered at a school 90 minutes away giving them opportunities you just couldn't get from the local school... You and your child might consider it worth it and you might consider weekly boarding as they need to train before school, and after in matches etc.

But no, you being the most loving parent would make your child go to a nearer school where they couldn't meet your child's skillset or make them travel hours every day, because you love your kid SOOOOO much you'd make them miss out in that opportunity.

'We get that you are perfect parent and love your kids more than boarding parents'

Never suggested I was perfect or that I loved my kids more than other parents, Imo 11yr olds should live with parents not paid staff though. I've no idea why you think this is such an outlandish idea.

If you had a dog would you kennel it Mon - Fri just bring it home for weekend walkies? I'm sure you'll suggest yes if it was very talented and the only place to cater for these super talents was 2hrs away so being part-time was ok but most would agree it's a very hands off and distant way of carrying on.

Because some kids are given fantastic opportunities to develop their skills in some schools.

If you would deny your own kids the opportunity, that's fine. But others won't and shouldn't be judged as awful parents for sending them Tina school that meets their needs and gives them opportunities beyond anything the local school can provide.

Maybe you just don't have a child that excels in anything and so can't imagine why it might be beneficial to get the extra tuition and time that a boarding school might provide.

Oh stop digging a hole. Dogs are not children.

I was replying to someone else? No dogs are not children that is true, well done you. They both however should live with their owners/parents on a full time basis.

Our dc excelled. They also loved living with their parents not paid staff. Hope that helps.

I was replying to you.

You said no one would put their dog in a kennel for 4 nights a week.

Maybe you need to learn their is a difference between a dog and a human being.

Look, it'a obvious you don't approve of boarding schools, per se.
Fine. That's your opinion.

But that's all you need to say, really.

What does come over though is that you have no experience of them at all, either as a professional working in them, or families whose children go there, or any children who are in them and actually like the experience.

Why keep arguing the point?

Not always. There's all sorts of reasons why a child might board or live away from the family home.

What if the parents are abusing the child?

What if the parents are in the military and moving round every few months?

What if the parent has to travel abroad for work for 8 days every month and there's no-one else at home to look after the kid?

What if the child is severely disabled and needs respite care for 6 days and nights a month

Oh are they world class athletes or something?

Exactly.

The school where I taught had a few children there paid for by the LEA because they had been in trouble when younger. Rather than return them to their non-supportive family or a foster home, they decided that a particular kind of school might help them. It did and they flourished, went to uni etc.

Your arguments are very weak indeed.

I won't boast, but many of the students where I taught did achieve a lot- film directors, opera singers, artists, and more.

I usually slip past these threads but wanted to see your justification . Haven't seen it . When poor people have their kids take to foster care it costs local authorities about 1500 a week. The equivalent for the rich it seems is not much different but it appears to be more accepted. If you want time to focus on your career then don't have children

All these people who think that everyone should either choose career or children. If we all did that, and chose children, who the hell would be doing all the jobs.

Full time boarding school from age 7 is a very different thing to 4 nights a week from age 11.

11 year old's are far more mature than a lot of people give them credit for. The trend of infantizing older children is pretty damaging in itself.

False binary. You can do both for most careers. I do think it’s unreasonable to expect at least one parent to choose a career compatible with child rearing for the childhood years.
Edit: the incompatible careered are few and far between. On,y 7% of children go independent - far fewer are boarders. State boarding exists, but is rare. You can’t really believe none of the jobs will get done if we end boarding?