Page 9 | I am the mum of a gifted child. AMA

mumof2andimtired · 2026-07-25T20:09:14+00:00

My son is 8 years old and is considered gifted. I usually just browse on mumsnet but I decided to make a post cause so many people in real life have so many questions! I also have a 12 year old daughter

Mischance · 27/07/2026 09:35

But people don’t tend to respond the same with eg artistic giftedness. - I do not entirely agree with this. I have seen talented young musicians whose gift has become a curse and whose life is very unbalanced.

The OP seems to have left the thread which I can understand as the views expressed might not have been as expected. Her son is in need of the right sort of support and this is not all academic, just as a musically gifted child who needs some life balance. This boy has autism which means that there needs to be a focus on helping him to function within his social milieu so that his life can be happy.

DenizenOfAisleOfShame · 27/07/2026 11:37

The trouble with this ‘gifted’ stuff is that parents start believing their children have the ability of Isaac Newton or Mozart or Bobby Fischer.

There are many, many clever children. It’s not unusual. Geniuses are once in a generation.

I strongly believe in nurturing early talent. But I also strongly believe that should be within a socialising, general school environment.

Multijoy · 27/07/2026 12:08

Mischance · 27/07/2026 09:35

But people don’t tend to respond the same with eg artistic giftedness. - I do not entirely agree with this. I have seen talented young musicians whose gift has become a curse and whose life is very unbalanced.

The OP seems to have left the thread which I can understand as the views expressed might not have been as expected. Her son is in need of the right sort of support and this is not all academic, just as a musically gifted child who needs some life balance. This boy has autism which means that there needs to be a focus on helping him to function within his social milieu so that his life can be happy.

I agree with everything you say (including your reading of OP’s situation). It can absolutely cause misbalance any time a child is exceptionally gifted in anything. It can cause inner struggle, pressure, and excessive focus on one aspect of life. It can give the child a feeling that their worth lies within the gift (and their continuing display of that gift) versus their intrinsic personality or being…. That’s along with the opportunities the giftedness may open up.

However in terms of how adults respond to the giftedness, I think academic cleverness is more likely to bring out a hostile or defensive response in adults, than musical or artistic gifts. Maybe I’m wrong- just purely from observation.

LBFseBrom · 27/07/2026 23:00

DenizenOfAisleOfShame · 27/07/2026 11:37

The trouble with this ‘gifted’ stuff is that parents start believing their children have the ability of Isaac Newton or Mozart or Bobby Fischer.

There are many, many clever children. It’s not unusual. Geniuses are once in a generation.

I strongly believe in nurturing early talent. But I also strongly believe that should be within a socialising, general school environment.

They often drop out of formal education and do their own thing. Sometimes it works, sometimes not.

JoyousWriter · 28/07/2026 16:53

So am I.

Mine dropped out of education at 16.

Arran2024 · 28/07/2026 17:07

Multijoy · 27/07/2026 09:04

Thanks @Velvetandleather. I agree about what you say about the OP, and would have concerns about her son, as he is dealing with two challenges that are piling on top of each other right now. Looks like the OP may have left the thread anyway.

I also agree that giftedness can bring you huge advantages and it has for me also. I think that’s the shame for me - though I’m glad you haven’t suffered from that. Maybe guilt is a better word. It started with my brother. My brother’s actually absolutely fine, and has done very well for himself. But my mum was constantly telling me how unfair it was on him that things came to be easier… and that we shouldn’t tell people when I’d done impressive things, because it would make them feel bad (not just not boast- literally not say at all if I eg won a scholarship or published a book). When my husband cheated on me and left me after 16 years of marriage, she said “oh you have had so many unfair blessings, it’s good something bad has happened to cancel them out a bit”. She genuinely sounded relieved like a bad karma thing had been hanging over her for decades and had finally been put right. 🤣 Bless her.

"Bless her"?!! She has treated you appallingly, prioritising your brother over you. My mother was similar - i was the academic one and he wasn't and she used to tell us how badly it had worked out, that he should have the brains and not me. This stuff is toxic.

Multijoy · 01/08/2026 14:25

@Arran2024I understand and am sorry you were damaged by a similar dynamic.

I say ‘bless her’, because this is pretty much the one injurious thing she has done or said to me… she is not a toxic parent. She loves and encourages me, and particularly now as I am older, tells me she is proud of me, and supports me in everything I do. She says these few injurious things due to her own injuries. She was also very bright, and probably felt bad for her own brother who was less so. She is an altruist who struggles to take credit for herself or prioritise her own needs….. and in many ways simply passed that down to me. She has the Scottish puritan belief that ‘too much fortune will somehow attract punishment’ Her motivation was to stand up for those she saw as less fortunate….. no parent is perfect, and I’ve done the work to love and forgive her through her imperfections. Because on Blanche, she is a sweetheart, and she has done everything she can to be a wonderful mother.