I am the mum of a gifted child. AMA

[mumof2andimtired]

My son is 8 years old and is considered gifted. I usually just browse on mumsnet but I decided to make a post cause so many people in real life have so many questions!

I also have a 12 year old daughter

Whats your dd doing now with her aptitude for maths and love of books? What are her academic interests?

Quite often ‘gifted’ children are way ahead in primary but due to struggling socially really struggle in secondary. What support are the educational psychologists putting in place to ensure his head-start doesn’t end up with him being super smart but a school refuser in circa 5-6 years time and falling behind? Seen that happen a few times.

My DS was good at maths from a young age too. In year 6 his teacher gave him gcse work to do. And at secondary school he sat with 3 others at the back of the class doing harder maths than the others. He’s now studying maths at uni which he finds easy. So good luck with your DS just work hard at those social skills and cues which he might find a bit harder.

I was thinking the same about the 7 kids AMA

grabbing my popcorn 🍿

We don't ever use the word gifted infront of him. I only used the word gifted on this post because most people understand what the word gifted implies.

He is home educated because his primary school simply could not meet his educational needs anymore, it has only been this last year he has been home educated. Structured home education with online classes and lessons. We are looking for different options because we do what him to go to a proper school for social reasons. But right now this is our best solution, we have just made an effort to make sure he is frequently hanging out with friends and socialising with peers. Of course this isn't ideal, but school was not helpful for him anymore.

Me and my husband are looking for another solution. Him being home educated is temporary

OP didn’t come up with the term gifted it’s a term the education system has used for years.

We thought dd was going to be gifted. She spoke very young. Could say da etc and ma to correct parent by 8m. Thousands of words at 18m.
But shes audhd and the adhd has impacted her a lot. But she did read chapter books by 5.
However for her the slow processing from the conditions has made gradually more impact the higher up she goes in school.

To be so far ahead 5+ years they have to be mainly interested and dd was in resding but not really in maths

Her mate does seem truly gifted (now y10) and find all subjects pretty easy though more like top 1/3 for maths so will get probably 7-9 for everything for gcse. I think that socially it can be an issue as many girls dont want to seem academic.
And those that want to do well get jealous of kids putting in less effort to do really well.

i dont think mine was hyperlexic as did understand but perhaps less so now onto sats/gcse work etc when it become very obscure. But i do think her memory, vocab etc skills are similar to hyperlexia side of aspergers. (Eg 120 on spag sats etc, but she got exceeding on y6 spag sats by age7.

I think it can be hard socially as dealing with other kids who use language in a more imprecise way. But likewise mine has a interest in snakes and could name them all in a large zoo. Its just not what other teen girls are into

God this navel gazing bollocks. Yes he's bright, as for the rest, lay off him and let him be.

"gifted" is literally a made up word.

Sorry people are being so weird OP. My child is similar to yours and the last year of school has been so difficult. I hope you find the right placement for him to thrive.

Yes, and it’s objectionable and should be dropped by the system and by everyone else.

It's so difficult. I want him to go to school for the sake of socialising, but academicly he was struggling in school because the school simply was not equipped to support him

I’m getting the 🍿

Are you planning on accelerating his education, if that’s what he wants? I read most mathematicians tend to peak around 27.

my personal opinion is that being around same-age peers is much, much more valuable than academics, but curious as to where you fall

He is home educated right now. Until me and my husband find a school situation that is best for him. I don't want him in a class where nobody is the same age as him. I would rather he is in a class with peers the same age as he is.

However, we really struggled at achool because of his acamedics. The school couldn't support his academics

Same but for me it came with the territory of not having my autism recognised.

Being labelled gifted as a child for me was an absolute curse and the expectations placed on me at such a young age were overwhelming.

For me education at this age is mostly social skills. The academics are a really small part of the overall value.

Leave him in school to socialise if you're that worried. Clearly you love his label and are so convinced he can't mix with plebs that you've removed him.

What's interesting is that emotional intelligence has the highest correlation with life success (careers, wealth, success, everything) rather than academic intelligence. Increasingly with digital tools things like having a photographic memory/in-depth scientific knowledge are a bit useless, but emotional intelligence is something that no computer can replicate.

OP what were your reasons for removing him from school? School is great for building social skills and emotional intelligence, if he's good at the academics he's not gonna need a school teacher to teach him anything (ie I taught myself maths and physics at school in the 90s because my teachers were so useless, still got top marks, the school made no difference)

A long queue of people waiting to knock him down for 'not being so smart after all', saying 'it's so sad to have a label' and searching for anything he doesn't find easy to prove in their minds that he/his parents have ideas above their station, mostly.

Or people scratching their heads at the comments and attitude of the mother of a clever but unexceptional child.

Even if he is exceptionally clever, he still needs social skills.

Because the school could not support him academically he ended up getting really bored in class and he would constantly be distressed and have meltdowns because he was sitting there for 6 hours without learning anything. This was affecting his mental health and his social life. It got to a point where he was acting out every day, and he wasn't socialising with any of his peers. And he was not doing well mentally, his mental health took a toll. As of right now, home education has made him happier because he is busy, and he is socialising better now that he isn't stuck being bored all day

My dd was registered “gifted and talented” at school. We were told this by her school. She wasn’t a child prodigy or anything just very bright and clever. Definitely not passed down from me😀

Of course. I never said he didn't need social skills

My highly gifted GS went to the village school where he was streets ahead of everyone else in the class (indeed the school), but his parents were wise enough to realise that there is more to education than academic learning so they did not take him out, or ask for special treatment, or home school him. He learned about how some children are not as gifted or blessed with good parents as he is. He mixed with bright and dim, privileged and underprivileged; he shared their parties and outings and took part in school productions. He learned to help others with respect and kindness. He was nicknamed The Boffin and his friends wanting to know something would say "Ask the Boffin." They knew they could approach him for help that would be given without a thought, but he was still a part of the group - he was with his mates and part of the rough and tumble - it was an affectionate nickname.

He was offered a scholarship to an excellent school where he racked up excellent GCSEs like charms on a bracelet with nil effort. And then he made the choice to go to the local sixth form college rather than stay on at the school for A levels because he wanted to be a part of a learning establishment with a real mix of people to befriend. He has thrived there. His family have not led him in any direction - he is just surrounded by important values that he has absorbed.

Gifted children will have no trouble getting the qualifications they need to do anything they want. But school is about so much more than that. I am proud of my GS that he was able to see that for himself and make these decisions.