I am submissive to my husband AMA

[Peachesx2606]

Please AMA but please be kind.

I'm interested in other thoughts/opinions and will try to give mine.

This is just something that seems to work for us x

So did I. What punishment? Being sent to bed? That’s hardly controversial in most scenarios. The OP has been vague and obtuse. Possibly to make it more interesting than it is.

I would suggest it is controversial in most scenarios, except in the context of parenting children etc.

You don’t think it’s ‘controversial’ for an adult to send another adult to bed as punishment for disagreeing with them? Really?

You think it’s not controversial to be sent to bed as an adult as a punishment? That’s really disturbing.

Its completely disconnected from reality to think one adult sending another to bed as punishment is not controversial.

Do you think it's normal for an adult to give their adult partner a telling off, deprive them of something that they want or send them to bed, because they have failed to do as they were told?

Because that is not remotely normal or healthy in my book. And it certainly isn't uncontroversial.

Are you in a relationship in which your partner punishes you like a small child when you don't obey them?

This is all melodrama.

Peaches 2026 has said her husband tells her when to go to bed because otherwise she stays up too late and gets really worn out. She in't being sent to bed as a punishment for something else.

If I wally on after a big night about howI've ruined whatever I had on the next morning my husband would be well within his rights to say, I told you to stop after 2 rounds. I don't want to hear another word about it.”

I could describe that as me getting a telling off for failing to submit to his instructions. A silly way to put it, but trad wife cool,maybe.

Which she apparently consented to. She didn’t actually have to do it. According to her she’s screamed at him during arguments, usually gets what she wants, voices her opinion without being afraid of her DH (the latter being the bare minimum for a healthy relationship IMO). This doesn’t necessarily seem coercive to me. But that still doesn’t make this a healthy relationship OP‘s children should be exposed to!

I personally did not initially trip over him „sending her to bed“. My husband often goes „hey, you’re super tired, let’s go to bed“/you really should go to bed“ etc…

Sending someone to bed as a punishment has completely different connotations however.
Yes, it’s infantilising. And it’s worrying if that’s the general relationship dynamic in a household with children. Children are sponges and they will subconsciously internalise what a normal relationship looks like based on the adults that raised them!

You either missed one of her posts or didn’t read it properly.

She said in response to someone asking her directly what the consequences would be if she disobeyed him: “maybe a telling off, not getting something I want, being sent to bed.”

She specifically said that she would be sent to bed as a ‘consequence’ for ‘disobeying’ him.

But the OP said ‘He tells me to go to bed because I am not good at making myself go to bed when I should! I do what he says most of the time. Doesn't mean I can't be resistant sometimes, but I trust him to have my best interests at heart’

She sounds like a child who welcomes being treated as such. Yes it’s weird. But labelling herself like some sort of submissive surrendered wife, is a complete stretch. She just sounds weak.

OP also says the consequence of not going to bed is not enough sleep. Which seems normal for everyone.

Yes, my DH helps me stick to a reasonable „bedtime“ as well. BUT he has never sent me to bed as a punishment, that wouldn’t even occur to either of us.

(I do the family finances, wich DH would find considerably more challenging than sticking to a reasonable „bedtime“. We‘re in a mutually supportive relationship… but we don’t punish each other with an early bedtime!)

I think it's obvious that the OP's childhood left her feeling unsafe and not looked after properly and she has now found a safe father figure in her DH that she never had in childhood.

She even talks about him deciding when she goes to bed which is pretty clearly playing out that father/child role.

I'm glad you're getting help for your childhood trauma OP because it has obviously impacted you massively.

My question is: How long have you been having therapy and do you think it is helping you?

That is. As is being reminded to go to bed if you have asked for reminders.

Being sent to bed as a consequence for displeasing your husband is not. Nor is being ' told off' or being deprived of something you want for displeasing your husband.

Honestly, these are the sort of punishments outlined for disobediant wives in the Qu'ran which was written in the Middle East in the 6th century ( being banished to your beds being explicitly mentioned). The rights of wives has moved on a bit since then.

She also says he sends her to bed as a consequence of displeasing him. You are editing that bit out to make your case.

Eh? OP has said she isn't religious so not sure why Islam has to be shoehorned in.

People aren’t referring to that post.

In another post she said in response to someone asking her directly what the consequences would be if she disobeyed him: “maybe a telling off, not getting something I want, being sent to bed.”

She specifically said that she would be sent to bed as a ‘consequence’ for ‘disobeying’ him.

People aren’t referring to that part of the post.
At the end of the post, she said in response to someone asking her directly what the consequences would be if she disobeyed him: “maybe a telling off, not getting something I want, being sent to bed.”

She specifically said that she would be sent to bed as a ‘consequence’ for ‘disobeying’ him.

Why are you trying to hijack the ops thread and rewrite it to not say what she said.

Its to show posters who think its uncontroversial for a husband to punish his wife for disobediance by sending her to bed, how far back in time and place you have to go for that to be the norm.

Why do you need opinions?. If it truly works for you then just carry on.

What is very noticeable here is that once posters have asked very particular questions around 'crime and punishments' the OP has stopped replying.

Several posters asked-

what are you punished for?
what are the punishments (other than being sent to bed.)
Does he withhold money? Perhaps say you can't go out somewhere?
do your older girls notice these punishments?

Or do you and your H disguise them and pretend (eg) you're having an early night because you've a headache or are tired etc.

No one’s hijacking anything, calm yourself.

I’m pointing out that OP said ‘Like, if I don't go to bed when he says, the consequence would be not enough sleep.’

Which maybe why some people are giving their own experience of telling their husband to go to bed when he’s tired.

@nomas- You either can't read very well and comprehend, or you're purposely ignoring the punishment aspect.

Stop being so disingenuous, you know full well you cut that sentence off short and ignored the bit about punishment.