I've been a prostitute on and off since I was a young adult. AMA.

[IAMAthroway]

Just that, really. I am drunk and bored, and I've noticed in the past on MN, many sweeping statements made about sex workers that I don't always agree with (i.e we are all brainwashed into thinking we are happy with our career choice, but really we are miserable)

For background, I started when I was 19, maybe late 18. I got into it because I was lapdancing and noticed those who offered "extras" after hours made 3x what I did. I was young and stupid, and sex just felt like sex to me, so it was quick, easy money. I left when I was 23/24 and met DH.

I got back into it when I was in my early 30s and left DH with nothing to my name, but left again when DH and I agreed to a suitable child maintenance arrangement, and I could afford to live.

I went back into it 2/3 months ago when possible redundancies were announced at my work, and I realised benefits covered only around 2/3 of my basic outgoings. I am in my early 40s with two adult children who still rely on me. DS is in uni, and DD has just started an NMW job; both still live with me.

Would you say the same thing to women who marry older and/or unattractive men purely for their money?

I don't like most women enough to be friends with them, much less men.

Do you have anyone in RL you can depend on and/or befriend? I find your post so sad and a true reflection of the long term fall out of child abuse. I really hope you have at least one good person in your life who isn't taking advantage of you.

Have you ever had any counselling to find out why you still chose this life? Continuing this lifestyle into midlife can not be good for your mental health.

I suspect the OP just went to sleep and has better things to do with her Sunday than post on MN but yes, why people would feel the need to attack her rather than ignore the thread is beyond me.

Is it too much of a leap think that some women are jealous of sex workers? I'm sure they don't envy the day to day life but maybe the male attention?

Yes, I would. It's all the same.

She’s short of money because she chooses to live at a level unsustainable by the more conventional ways she has tried of earning a living. Fine, it’s her choice, but let’s not pretend she has been forced into prostitution (as I know some poor girls/women are).

Is rape just another form of theft?

Do you think it has affected how you view your own sexuality?

I think it's common for women to self objectify and sex becomes a performance for their partner, and their own likes and dislikes get blurred or ignored, and so I can understand how easy it would be to just monetise that if it weren't for the huge safety aspect, but I always think it would change my whole relationship with sex to be transactional and performative r

What's that got to do with coercion?

I’m not, I was just replying to a poster who refuted the notion that the times where she’d turned to it were the times she was short on money.

Definitely not saying it was her only option!

I would refuse and get another job, living on benefits if necessary until I found one. It would only be coercion if I had no real choice. OP has a choice, e.g. to live more frugally than she would like or not to financially support adult children if she can’t afford to do so. It’s fine for her to make whatever choice she wants, but others in the same situation would make different choices.

Rupert Murdoch perhaps?

So you're saying marrying someone you don't find attractive but want their income is a form of prostitution?

In some ways yes, in others no. Maybe there is a deep friendship but no sexual attraction. It's not black and white IMO.

Discuss .

It’s a bit odd to think that every punter is ‘sweet’. They are not. They are men who think it’s ok to pay women for sex. They are misogynists.

@Henryhall - maybe most others would make a different choice but not all. Coercion and exploitation are always wrong but, as i posted upthread, i have a few friends who are working or have worked in the sex industry through positive choice and are comfortable with their decision-making around that.

Is it too much of a leap think that some women are jealous of sex workers? I'm sure they don't envy the day to day life but maybe the male attention?

I don't even know where to start with this. The simplest answer is no. The more complex answer says something about total ignorance of living as female, unwanted male attention, how men view women, how men think women value themselves, how men seem to think women have managed to live in the world without realising how sex driven men are, male narcissism, the kind of male attention sex workers get vs the kind of male attention women like, and far more than I can deal with on a Sunday morning.

Some women possibly see sex workers as a threat to their relationships, but an overall sense of "I'm so jealous of all the men she gets, all the male attention"... dear God, that's weapon level delusion.

I'm sure you know the old adage about how you don't pay a sex worker for sex, you pay her to leave. No, women aren't jealous of attention from men who want them to fuck off when they're done. Dear God.

You're equating a paid office job with paid sex work. If it's only about money, rape is merely theft, no?

Your choice of words - ‘choose to withhold sex’ - is very telling. It implies that if someone does not want to have sex, they should just suck it up and let their partner have sex with them? That’s very rape apologist.

What’s the Nordic model? I thought it was the culture and socio-economic model of Scandinavia.

Why are you thinking benefits and prostitution rather than forging a career?

I would refuse and get another job, living on benefits if necessary until I found one.

Living off benefits bothers me far more than prostitution. If someone wants to be a hooker, fine. Living off benefits means taking money from my family.

How have we got to a point where we criticise prostitutes up the thread for not paying tax and then suggest taking benefits is better!?

Come on there's quite a difference between sitting at a desk doing admin and sucking someones cock.
Although I don't want to be judgemental of the lady who writes here, I personaly find sex for me would have such an emotional content I couldn't do that sort of work.Obviously some women can do it, but I would find it massivley damaging.
There is a lot of information from different studies that points to sex works more at risk from STD's and also more at risk from being killed at.work or being violently attacked.
So stop comparing it to working with computers, or being a hairdresser.
I hate the way it get's normalised.

Is this something you’re doing until you find another job?
I am surprised at your income - I have a self employed dance job that pulls in over £200 in one hour, I could do it a few times a week and it would do me well, but I don’t have the time (I’m employed too) A wild one, but some dance studios consider workshops from experienced lap dancers.
I just wondered if you had considered other self employed options? I am not here nor there about sex work, but I wondered if you could turn your life around to something that was safer and build a new career.

If she or your friends are happy with their choices, great. I was just making the point that I didn’t agree with the word "coercion" being used to describe OP's situation.

If you use advanced search, you'll find absolutely loads of AMAs on 'I'm a prostitute' or 'I'm an escort'.

That and 'I'm a traveller/gypsy AMA' seem to be the two most popular subjects.

I mean if you think it's a pity this OP might not be back.