I've been a prostitute on and off since I was a young adult. AMA.

[IAMAthroway]

Just that, really. I am drunk and bored, and I've noticed in the past on MN, many sweeping statements made about sex workers that I don't always agree with (i.e we are all brainwashed into thinking we are happy with our career choice, but really we are miserable)

For background, I started when I was 19, maybe late 18. I got into it because I was lapdancing and noticed those who offered "extras" after hours made 3x what I did. I was young and stupid, and sex just felt like sex to me, so it was quick, easy money. I left when I was 23/24 and met DH.

I got back into it when I was in my early 30s and left DH with nothing to my name, but left again when DH and I agreed to a suitable child maintenance arrangement, and I could afford to live.

I went back into it 2/3 months ago when possible redundancies were announced at my work, and I realised benefits covered only around 2/3 of my basic outgoings. I am in my early 40s with two adult children who still rely on me. DS is in uni, and DD has just started an NMW job; both still live with me.

What are these sob stories the husbands are saying?

Kindly, @IAMAthroway it is not just the money.

You're convincing yourself of this for other reasons which are linked to your history of abuse and the damage that has done. (Did you mean your username to describe you as a 'Throwaway'- that's how it reads Is that your self-worth?.)

You've lost perspective.
99.9% of women in your position would never even consider sex work. It's dangerous, demeaning. It only takes one angry man to end your life. Maybe you don't see it like that. Maybe you feel it gives you power or you're providing a valuable 'service'.

The facts are-

• You're possibly being made redundant
• You have 2 interviews lined up
• You have a degree in computing
• You may never be unemployed- that's not happened yet.
• Your two adult children have an inheritance which you have said could buy a house (outright)
• One is working and could and should contribute to living expenses.
• They could lend you £5K (or whatever) until you found a job.

Going forwards, you need a job where you judge the stability and success of the company - if they are likely to be around very long or will cut back on staff.

Honestly, you are worth more than being a prostitute.
It's no way to live however much you feel you need a nest egg.

It's frankly ridiculous. Your adult children have hundreds of thousands of pounds in their savings, they could lend you it and benefit too (because they live at home.)

consider counselling. You have a history of abuse, you're now in your mid 40s and repeating behaviour from your 20s.

(Did you mean your username to describe you as a 'Throwaway'- that's how it reads Is that your self-worth?.)

'Throwaway’ means a temporary, disposable account. It’s a common term and that should have been obvious in context. You seem to be making a lot of similar leaps with the rest of your interpretation.

Tbf it was a reasonable question to ask, given the subject matter.

'Throwaway’ means a temporary, disposable account

In your opinion? It's open to interpretation.

I would agree with this (not a sex worker myself but have read family backgrounds of some and historical childhood abuse in some form seems the norm). I was a single mum and to make ends meet after I was made redundant, I became a cleaner. I came from a very stable, non-toxic family background so cleaning over sex work was a no-brainer.

I also agree its not the sex worker, it’s the client, who should be ashamed.

This, the clients should hang their heads in shame.
The actual sex worker no, but of course there is still stigma attached and the lady has been attacked a bit on here I see that.
Maybe some of it is the disbelief that she still does this on the side, she's a lot more qualified than me for example, but she goes back to it perhaps because of her early trauma.

id say the reason the op does it is because of time + £ = quick cash @IAMAthroway ?

Sorry if this has been answered, but where do you see your clients? They don’t come to your home?

The risk is different for different women. In Soho they have a system where a woman is never alone in the flat with a man. The door is opened by an older more experienced woman who is called the maid. She isn't a pimp or a madam. They haven't had any murders there for several decades.

It's illegal in the UK and in Nordic Model countries to have more than one woman in a flat, it's called brothel-keeping. It's a legal grey area, having a sex worker and a maid in a flat, which is why the police manage to close them occasionally. There aren't many of these flats left.

Someone earlier on it the thread said prostitutes are attacked on average 12 times a year. I have tried to find this statistic but I can't find it anywhere. So I don't believe it is true. Although I could believe it if it was crack addicts in the US or something.

Have you ever seen a customer in a public place eg the supermarket? Does it get awkward having a job where you know there are people potentially round each corner who know what you do?

I do agree this is a flaw in the Nordic Model and I think this should be altered. Otoh women working alongside each other doesn't necessarily mean one isn't exploiting the other : some of the most exploitative pimps have been women (Madame Claude for one) but they often get romanticised as 'madams'. I agree this isn't the same as friends working together for safety though. It can be hard to know, from the outside.

This!

Fernande Grudet (1923–2015), known as Madame Claude, was a notorious French brothel keeper who ran an exclusive 1960s Parisian call-girl network for elites, politicians, and celebrities. Operating near the Champs-Élysées, she managed over 500 women, defining high-class prostitution before legal battles over taxes and pimping led to jail time and her fleeing to the US

id say the shame would likely be more with the customer especially if they are with their partner

Fascinating thread, Op you said you get tested every 8 weeks but do you wear protection to help prevent you catching things in the first place?

It sounds like she doesn't. Men will pay more if women don't

Under 1% of sex users are female

I suspect so as well which is why I’m curious. I had a friend who had a cheating boyfriend . Instead of using protection or even better getting rid of him, she would always be at the STD clinic getting tested.

It was a bit ridiculous and quite frankly risky as the tests will only tell you what STI you’ve already got and in some cases that STI could be incurable, prevention is better than a
cure!

Oh and the men wanting to pay more for no protection are bizarre as well. This is a woman who most likely has sex with various different men and you’re wanting to pay MORE to have unprotected sex.

Make it make sense!

The scary thing is a lot of these men aren’t single as well.

Your poor friend- horrible situation. What's the point of a relationship like that?

It is crazy on the men's part. Clearly for a lot of men lust trumps everything

If you think that's bad then read about the Valenzuela sisters in Mexico in the 1950s.

Yes, I do. I get asked a lot not to, but I don't bother replying to those messages. I get tested for my own peace of mind.

Ahh okay!

Scary how so many men actively want to do it unprotected!

They desperately want it. I have a warning at the end of my profile that says don't bother asking, if you do, your message will just be deleted and yet every time I log in, I have to delete at least half a dozen messages asking me to make an exception because they are special and usually have some weak excuse why they can't possibly use a condom. Some are willing to pretend to be too small for one

Gosh, that's terrifying...

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Las_Poquianchis#:~:text=Before%20the%20nickname%20was%20given%20to%20the%20Gonz%C3%A1lez%20Valenzuela%20sisters%2C%20and%20the&text=Netflix%20premiered%20a%20miniseries%20based%20on%20Jorge%20Ibarg%C3%BCengoitia's%20novel%20on%2010%20September

In 1938 Morocco there was a brothel 'madam' called Moulay Hassen who murdered the women she held captive, many underage I think.

https://www.everand.com/podcast/418765255/LADY-KILLERS-Tori-Telfer-When-you-think-of-serial-killers-throughout-history-the-names-that-come-to-mind-are-ones-like-Jack-the-Ripper-John-Wayne-G