I've been a prostitute on and off since I was a young adult. AMA.

[IAMAthroway]

Just that, really. I am drunk and bored, and I've noticed in the past on MN, many sweeping statements made about sex workers that I don't always agree with (i.e we are all brainwashed into thinking we are happy with our career choice, but really we are miserable)

For background, I started when I was 19, maybe late 18. I got into it because I was lapdancing and noticed those who offered "extras" after hours made 3x what I did. I was young and stupid, and sex just felt like sex to me, so it was quick, easy money. I left when I was 23/24 and met DH.

I got back into it when I was in my early 30s and left DH with nothing to my name, but left again when DH and I agreed to a suitable child maintenance arrangement, and I could afford to live.

I went back into it 2/3 months ago when possible redundancies were announced at my work, and I realised benefits covered only around 2/3 of my basic outgoings. I am in my early 40s with two adult children who still rely on me. DS is in uni, and DD has just started an NMW job; both still live with me.

So paying for sex is ok as long as it's just a little bit?

Okies.

I don’t believe I said anything of the sort did I? Correct me if I’m wrong.

I was addressing your claim that Carla couldn’t know that it was uncommon unless she was into paying for sex herself, so I spun that theory back on you. Funny how you ignored that part.

It's well-known. Moreover, I've done research on the sex industry generally. Similarly, the female version of Playboy , Playgirl, ending up catering in large part to gay men. Men on Onlyfans make a lot more money if they cater at least partly to gay men.

I don't like Dan Savage but he hits the nail on the head here : https://eastbayexpress.com/the-gigolo-myth-1/

Do you really think there's heaps of women out there paying for sex? 🤣

Men are hard-wired to want to have sex with different women in order to sew their seed and improve their chances of their genes passing onto the next generation. It's evolutionary. Men who have done this have more kids than men who don't so it's passed down through the aeons of time. Women are more inclined to be choosy and pick the best quality men to have sex with so their kids be strong and healthy and likely to survive infancy and go onto themselves breed.

Being angry about it is like being angry about the tide coming in again. Your arguing with nature. It's pointless.

I'm bisexual myself & I think it's informative that lesbian literature, films, notable figures etc have never romanticised female prostitution. There's no booming market for women selling sex to women. Whereas there's lots of examples of that in gay male culture. Obviously plenty of men, straight or gay, don't do that, but a much larger amount do than women do.

It almost as though men on average have higher sex drives than women and far less opportunity. 🤔

Yes, but that doesn't make it moral to pay for sex.

I'm sure there's women out there with higher drives who can't satisfy them often - maybe they're not conventionally attractive, maybe other reasons. I don't it would be moral for them to pay for sex either.

Anyway, surely lots of men are coupled up and have sex with their partner?

@carla786 Thank you for the respectful reply to my genuine question. I never for a second assumed being a prostitute was easy.

I noticed you replied earlier to my question OP. Thank you 💐

Can't believe how condescending, judgemental and ignorant this thread is.

I'm a sex worker by choice and I live in a country where it is decriminalised. There's a difference between someone forced to do this whether it's through coercion or simple economic circumstances or mental heakth/drug addiction.

I am selective in who I accept bookings from and have not once felt unsafe or been pressured into doing anything.

Most of the men I see are 35-50. Married and apparently none of their wives will fuck them so they pay for it instead.

I charge $600 AUD minimum per hour and I don't offer unprotected sex or any kink services. I don't cater to fetishes and I have no interest in offering any pegging or prostate massage. I am very comfortable in being a RIMEE but I have never rimmed. No interest in kicking anyones butt. Lol. I regularly orgasm which is a nice perk.

Stay toxic ladies! Especially the ones who use sex as a bargaining chip in their marriages - your unhealthy attitudes and avoidance of conflict are the lifeblood of the sex work industry.

It is the easiest job I've had! Call centres are so much more exploitative and so is retail and hospitality. 🙄😂

Why are you facilitating cheating? Do you have no guilt about this?

And why do you think the only reason these wives aren't having sex is due to them using it as a 'bargaining chip'? You sound pretty sexist, 'lol'

I don’t doubt that there are many wives out there who don’t sleep with their husbands however you’re wrong to assume by default that all of us who oppose to prostitution are the ones withholding.

Surely there’s a happy medium between frigid and sucking someone off for cash, no?

Agree mainly -I think it's unfair to call women not having sex frigid anyway. Men sometimes don't want sex with their wives

Libido mismatch happens. Sometimes women are tired from young kids etc, menopause (35-50 yo men visiting pp is telling imo). Maybe they're ill etc etc

People should communicate about sex but a woman not wanting sex is often not due to spitefully withholding.

I think it's unfair to call women not having sex frigid anyway

It was tongue in cheek 🙄

Sorry - I'm quite tired and I'm not as good at reading text tone then.

I think the points re why women don't have sex should be addressed to @AnonymousOnPurpose though.
It's not often talked about but some sex workers misogynistically denigrate married women in the same way some married women denigrate them. Prude-shaming, essentially. I used to read a popular blog by a 'sex worker', The Honest Courtesan (if you read been the lines, it seemed she didn't sell much sex herself but mainly ran a brothel selling mainly poor women's sexual services) . Anyway, she talked about being liberated & a feminist but her posts about wives were ironically very Victorian. One saying that she was providing a key service and that if frustrated men didn't visit prostitutes they'd commit rape. Another one saying that most of her clients visited because their wives were selfish and didn't see to their sexual needs properly (no consideration as to whether she was aways hearing an honest account from them).
Pp seems to have a similar attitude.

See £400 a week is not much to sleep with 4 people . You could probably do that amount finding a extra job as a cleaner as a example . Obviously would take longer but have you ever tried not going back into that world ? I ask as you don’t seem very positive about it quite the opposite so it can’t be good for your mental health either

Are you so naive that you believe what these men tell you?

Married and apparently none of their wives will fuck them so they pay for it instead.

Yes, 'apparently' is certainly the right word.

It's the oldest 'chat up line' in the book along with 'my wife doesn't understand me'.

Of course their balls will explode if they don't have sex.
Did they tell you that too?

I don't think being a prostitute is a good idea for any woman.

It's dangerous.

We never know about the number of close shaves prostitutes have because the majority will not go to the police.

We only hear of those who are murdered.

And yes, we all know that most murders are committed by men women know.
But that doesn't negate the dangers of being a sex worker.

@IAMAthroway I think we all appreciate you are trying to insure your children against 'poverty' but they are adults now, albeit not earning much and one at uni.

However, you are at risk. You never know how a man will treat you.
'Positive reviews' on websites can be fake. You simply don't know.

Imagine you do meet a violent man. You've been lucky so far but it only takes one. They may not kill you but they could beat you up. Hard to explain if you were out giving a 'manicure'.

Think how your children would feel if they lost you and in those circumstances.

IF you become desperate for money (which is unlikely with a degree in computing) you could find work even if it was in a shop, pub or cafe, or cleaning.

You really need to stop. If you can't, it points to some deeper psychological issues where it's not about money but something else that means you like running the risk, or the 'attention'.

Sex workers can often have a false sense of superiority over the wives as husband has chosen to go to her instead of sleeping with spouse. It’s an extremely exaggerated and misplaced sense of self importance, but none the less it makes them feel better. They can often have chips on their shoulders about other women in general as they witness these women succeed through work, relationships with men, on their own merit and personality rather than through sex and their bodies. They can put on a persona however they know they days are limited and one day when they’re no longer marketable they won’t have much to offer. Shame (whether subconscious or not) is very powerful.

And yes, I have encountered such mentalities in real life. I occasionally run into two acquaintances (friends-of-friends) who do OF and escorting and they’re the most insecure people I’ve met to date. They’re both late 30’s and appear to become more unstable as the years go on.

If putting down the wives makes her feel better let her have that little victory. She’s not the winner.

Women are most likely to be murdered by men they know because we tend to only be in precarious or vulnerable situations with men we know.
It doesn’t mean men we don’t know are safer.

It is definitely just the money. The jobs I've found since finishing my degree have all been entry-level. As I said, I keep getting made redundant, so I am not getting any further on. What I earn allows me to pay for basics, but not much extra, and nothing towards building a safety net should one be needed.

I don't feel superior to the wives. I am under no illusion that they are choosing me over their wife. I'm available, that's all. If it wasn't me, it would be someone else. I don't fall for the sob stories about how mean their wives are. I never offer my opinion; it's not my place to give marriage advice to them or interfere with their family life, but my advice would be to leave if they're that unhappy and allow their wife a chance to meet someone who values them.

I could do cleaning or bar work as well as my current role, but it would take a lot more of my time, and finding those jobs that fit around my current role is all but impossible. If I cannot find a role in my industry after I am made redundant again, I will do cleaning or bar work/retail, etc., until I do find something, but if that is not enough to cover our outgoings, I will also do this. Once I find something that allows me to cover all the outgoings and build a safety net, then I will stop.

Thank you for sharing your experience. Do your children know? Do friends know? How do you make sure you keep safe beyond only meeting men with reviews?

Exactly. Living with 1 man means you need to rely on that 1 man not being a psycho. Women who sell sex take on a new risk for each new man.

Have you signed up with recruitment agencies. A person with your degree in IT & computing is generally saught after. I would never advocate lying about experience. If you definitely know you could do the job you should make your capabilities known, even if you have to embroider this slightly or you may never get out of the entry level pay scale positions. Its just a thought.