I've been a prostitute on and off since I was a young adult. AMA.

[IAMAthroway]

Just that, really. I am drunk and bored, and I've noticed in the past on MN, many sweeping statements made about sex workers that I don't always agree with (i.e we are all brainwashed into thinking we are happy with our career choice, but really we are miserable)

For background, I started when I was 19, maybe late 18. I got into it because I was lapdancing and noticed those who offered "extras" after hours made 3x what I did. I was young and stupid, and sex just felt like sex to me, so it was quick, easy money. I left when I was 23/24 and met DH.

I got back into it when I was in my early 30s and left DH with nothing to my name, but left again when DH and I agreed to a suitable child maintenance arrangement, and I could afford to live.

I went back into it 2/3 months ago when possible redundancies were announced at my work, and I realised benefits covered only around 2/3 of my basic outgoings. I am in my early 40s with two adult children who still rely on me. DS is in uni, and DD has just started an NMW job; both still live with me.

I haven't found it harder or easier. Generally as I've gotten older so have the men. There are some old men who want young women and young guys who want older women but most want someone around their own age. The only change I've really noticed is that as I've gotten older more of the men want to be my friend. They'll send me messages asking how my day is going, what I've been up to etc. if they're a regular client or someone I would want as a regular I reply but I'm not really looking for friendship or anything more than what I offer. That did happen when I was younger but a lot less than it does now.

I'm not very dominant naturally so I think I'd find that a lot harder to do than what I'm doing now.

And no even when I've been in love sex has never had any emotional meaning to me.

Non threatening is different from “sweet” . Sweet conjures up an image of innocence and kindness

You say you enjoy it if it’s good sex - so, if you’ll forgive using your analogy, does it sometimes feel more like walking the dog on a sunny day? Or just more bearable? Is there anything in particular that makes a difference?

Exactly. I wonder who this Danny person is, anyway....🤔

Where to start...

First, I didn't say everyone has to be attractive in order to have sex. That would be ridiculous.

I didn't say handsome men would be 'okay' either.

I was posting about punters (clients) paying for sex. And given we are programmed to be attracted to men (or women) in some way , to procreate, it is a valid observation outside of a prostitution.

There are men and women who are (and this is subjective) not 'pretty' or 'handsome' in the conventional sense. But they attract partners because of their personality and a relationship develops.

That is very different to a man who turns up, paying for sex, who is perhaps dirty, smells, is obese, has haliotosis, and has no redeeming personality (we know of) to make the encounter pleasurable.

wow that’s not a lot of money for prostituting your body.. it’s really 😔

I think in these incidents, thats what defines kindness.

But perhaps very damaged?

And no even when I've been in love sex has never had any emotional meaning to me.

Have you ever asked yourself why?

Absolutely 💯

I wouldn’t bother wasting your time on him though. @shuggles is a male poster who deliberately misses the point of every single post he comes across and plays stupid.

Grim. It's just not a word I would chose myself

Can I ask another, I promise very genuine question OP?

As you'll see from my previous posts and elsewhere on MN, I'm pretty radical feminist, and on this issue particularly.

In the question of prostitution, my instinctive view is definitely reinforced by my sense that there's not much difference between semen or spit (bodily fluid) or snot, eye gunk or blood (bodily fluid). How we feel about one or the other is conditioned, but fundamentally there's a leap of - I don't know how to describe it other than 'intimacy' - which makes some of those things ok to us in certain circumstances, when others remain 'disgusting'.

And then on top of that there is a leap of what you might call sexuality - ie that you can find one of those things - semen - arousing for its own sake. Usually as evidence that you are desirable, or as proof that the other cannot 'contain' themselves which is a kind of fantasy of liberation or excess.

But when both of those things are absent, how do you deal with the fact that you have to take someone's snot equivalent into your mouth?

I hope this isn't upsetting, and that it doesn't come across as an attempt to shame you. It really is a genuine question and something that I've thought about often - tbh it's just as important as my feminism in terms of being the basis of much of my absolute contempt/fear/loathing of men who want to do this to another human being.

The self-deludedness of many men who buy sex would be funny if it weren't so often highly disturbing.

I'm planning a Substack piece on why men buy sex and as part of that, I looked a threads on male-dominated forums. There were a lot of disturbing ones in various degrees, but this Pistonheads one, from the wonderful 2000s lad culture era, was one of the worst:

' There are some very nice Indian hookers though, as you found, and any taxi driver can take you to a place to find them. I even found a great little place in Goa a few years ago, when my ship was in dry dock there. The funny thing was, apart from the language, the girls were just the same giggling, happy go lucky, 'fashion conscious' sweet young things that you find in whore bars in Thailand, Philippines, Indonesia etc. They'd sit on your lap, play games, make simple conversation, get the sulks if you spoke to another girl, scrounge drinks, play hurt when you left without rooting them. Oh, but how the western media loves to portray them as miserable little sex slaves trapped against their will. hehe (laughing emoji)'

https://www.pistonheads.com/gassing/topic.asp?h=0&f=141&t=362263&i=260

• you see- absolutely no consideration of whether the behaviour of these (likely poor & unwilling) young women was an act. No, they just love spending their lives selling sex to foreigners!

And this reply : 'That's a very attractive quality that seems to have long disappeared from Western girls.'

I wonder why? 🤔

what is your substack @Carla786 ?

In my imagination, at the moment 🤣, I've been too busy to start it. But I really want to, and hopefully I'll be able to some time thus month. Some of it will be book/film stuff, but when I do posts on feminism I'll link them on FWR.

@Carla786 Not to mention the fact that handsome clients are just as capable of beating a woman up, or stealthing, or forcing an act she doesn't want

You mean more capable.

A handsome muscular man is much more dangerous if he is violent. An unhealthy fat man is going to have a very difficult time beating anyone up.

@GiveUsAChip But you specifically called out fat, obese, and ugly men as though that is somehow different. Why is it less acceptable for an ugly man to pay for sex compared to a handsome man? Is it the attractiveness of the male clients that makes the act unnacceptable in your eyes?

This implies that the damage to the woman is in the extent to which the man is able to enact his violent intent.

Whereas in fact being subject to the violent intent of another is traumatising in and of itself.

This is an excellent point. Our disgust sensitivity threshold is raised when we have sex due to arousal and/or romantic feelings, but that wouldn't be present in prostitution. I suppose if condoms are used that might make a difference.

Add to that the fact that women tend to have a lower disgust sensitivity than men anyway.

What’s the weirdest thing you heard a man say when I did it years ago a man once finished and said I looked just like his daughter I couldn’t do it again after

“If a prostitute lets a man have sex with her and he then decides it wasn’t good enough so refuses to pay, she has been raped”

No - not under English law. That is not the way consent and ‘conditional consent’ operates under the Sexual Offences Act and cPS Guidance in this regard

This is going to end up in The Daily Mail.

Yes, I thought this too. The question is, should the law consider it in that way?

Thank you for posting on here about this. I have found this thread really interesting. The thing that struck me was you saying you don't like many women and even fewer men. It seems like that early abuse and having to save yourself from it, and from other situations, has really shaped your life. Being able to look after yourself by earning good money has helped you feel stable and given you satisfaction in life. Even though this is a huge leap away from my own life experience - there are things about it I don't understand and never could - I wish you well.