I've been a prostitute on and off since I was a young adult. AMA.

[IAMAthroway]

Just that, really. I am drunk and bored, and I've noticed in the past on MN, many sweeping statements made about sex workers that I don't always agree with (i.e we are all brainwashed into thinking we are happy with our career choice, but really we are miserable)

For background, I started when I was 19, maybe late 18. I got into it because I was lapdancing and noticed those who offered "extras" after hours made 3x what I did. I was young and stupid, and sex just felt like sex to me, so it was quick, easy money. I left when I was 23/24 and met DH.

I got back into it when I was in my early 30s and left DH with nothing to my name, but left again when DH and I agreed to a suitable child maintenance arrangement, and I could afford to live.

I went back into it 2/3 months ago when possible redundancies were announced at my work, and I realised benefits covered only around 2/3 of my basic outgoings. I am in my early 40s with two adult children who still rely on me. DS is in uni, and DD has just started an NMW job; both still live with me.

That's intrtesting, I didn't know that review sites worked the other way round too. Hopefully that provides some protection.

Do you have any protection when you go to have sex? I mean, if a client turned nasty what could you do?

Maybe if she's 'checked out' of the idea if getting emotionally involved with a man again, it's easier to detach from the sex.

Is that right, OP? I understand it might not be

Yes I’d be so disgusted at the smelly ones. Do they make an effort to be clean for you or don’t they bother? Do they get annoyed if you refuse them?

Yes they may be average looking men but I mean doing anything sexually with someone whom you aren't attracted to must be very hard added to the fact these blokes are obviously creeps too. Must be hard to fake enthusiasm.

Emotionally, what are your thoughts ?

I asked if you were emotionally detached and see sex as the same as making someone a coffee and serving it up.

Is that how you feel?

Do you hate men after your experiences as a child and with your ex's and is this some sort of pay-back- literally, they pay you for your body (and you're thinking 'more fool them')

Just one way of seeing it as an outsider.

I don’t think men who pay women to use their bodies are in any way , shape or form “sweet”. When you look at the reviews on those escort websites they are absolutely disgusting and dehumanising and any man who engages in that I just can’t help but have zero respect for them. Personally I don’t blame the women involved.

You sound dissociated during sex with clients and avoidant of intimacy with men in relationships. I can understand why given your history. It sounds like you have very low expectations of receiving interest, care, love and sexual pleasure for yourself and have prioritised material security for you and your children because that is what you have control over. I'm sure you are a great mum but I feel that you deserve so much more and that big parts of you are deeply buried away.

I watched Jane Fonda in Klute a while ago, and she said in her mind she imagined her character as having been abused as a child, and then as you say, getting men to pay money as a way of feeling in control of sex. Fonda said this was the motive for women she knew in France who worked as escorts. Obviously anecdotal but from what I've read this isn't uncommon to at least be an element for women who sell sex.

Obviously this may well not apply to OP personally.

I agree.

I think there is a lot going on psychologically for OP here, that therapy could unravel and wonder if it's something she might consider?

I think sweet means non threatening and thats what you want. They are not sizing them up as life partners.

I've never attached any emotion to sex, even before I started doing this.

I don't see it the same as making a coffee. Its probably more like walking the dog in the cold or rain. Not something I particularly look forward to but not something that traumatized me either.

I'm usually thinking of something else entirely during the sex, what I'm having for dinner or what I should watch on TV etc

I don't hate men and I enjoy sex when it's good sex but I'm happy being single. I don't want to share my space and time with someone else and have to compromise.

I saw Klute when it was first released. I don't remember that line.
Did JF say that in Klute or was it an interview with her about playing the character? I think you mean the former.

Those review sites are hilarious if totally sick. Stupid men saying how much she enjoyed it (are punters all so deluded op?!) and how good/ bad their bodies were.

I know it wouldn't be good for business but you'd love a sex worker to reply yeah and you had a tiny dick and came in 3 seconds no wonder you have to pay for it .

I've never attached any emotion to sex, even before I started doing this.

You mean never, ever? That's a pretty revealing admission.

Not in any relationship ever?

I think that is why you can work as a prostitute as you're devoid of the emotions that often go with sex.

Have you had therapy to talk about your history of abuse?

@GiveUsAChip How do you actually stomach some of the men who turn up? By that I mean many men are physically revolting - overweight, smelly, ugly- let's not beat about the bush here! Are you shutting your eyes and thinking of England?

Comments like this are always strange because they almost imply that the acceptability of paying for sex solely depends on the attractiveness of the clients. Apparently ugly people shouldn't be having sex, but if it's a handsome man, then somehow that's different.

I wonder how you would feel if a man told you that you were too ugly to have sex with.

Thank you for the AMA, it's very interesting!
Have you found it easier/harder to find clients as you've gotten older, or the same? Have the demographics of your clientele changed? Have you considered offering dominatrix services or any other specialism?

Where do you go to have sex?.

Sorry, yes, it was an interview about the character. In the film she does talk about why she likes the detachment of selling sex, but not whether she'd been abused.

Not got any info on the film but feeling in control by charging is usually about splitting yourself. Identifying with the abuser and feeling powerful is a way of avoiding getting in touch with a powerless, abused part of yourself. It's understandable but not healthy.

Despite the hysteria from the haters, the OP sounds like one of the sanest, best adjusted people in this thread.

Yes, I think personally a lot of women would be grossed out at the thought of selling sex at all, even if the clients were handsome. Not to mention the fact that handsome clients are just as capable of beating a woman up, or stealthing, or forcing an act she doesn't want ...etc etc

It"s funny you say you're thinking about what to have for dinner etc as if a man ever confesses to have gone to a strip club, I tell them this and they dont believe me.

So even when you've been in love, sex has never been an emotional thing?

Oh for goodness' sake. There's no "hysteria". I haven't seen any "hate" either, and would certainly report it, because it's against talk guidelines. Tell me where there's a post with hate and I'll report it, genuinely.
Accusations of "hysteria" have been used for many years to shut women up.

I know I remember looking at them
years ago after reading an article about it . Comments like she’s crap at certain sex acts or she doesn’t look like she’s enjoying it. Or ones saying about parts of their body not being as nice in real life . It just absolutely sickens me that men would think it’s ok to speak about a human being like that . If the women could leave reviews back about the clients I’d say they’d have plenty of negative things to say back .