Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

AMA

I come from a gypsy / travelling family AMA

821 replies

TowerTumble · 25/02/2026 11:38

I have name changed for this. I see so much misconception and ignorance around the travelling community and towards families like mine. I've started an AMA so if you have any questions to try and stop this misconception I'll answer everything I can!

OP posts:
WellHardly · 28/02/2026 12:04

Jellyandpeaches · 28/02/2026 11:38

Travellers organisations advocate for educational support too. Bursaries are provided to help travellers and Roma access university etc.
It seems people within the community and culture do want more choice too.

Absolutely this. I live near a Traveller support and advocacy centre, run by Travellers, and education and training opportunities come behind only health initiatives in their various programmes — 24 Traveller women have completed a community leadership diploma at the local university, they’re funding specific Traveller apprenticeship schemes and also training and paid work experience in career pathways in public service roles, as well as funding a Traveller and Roma Inclusion in Education project aimed at helping Traveller children continue in education.

This is a Traveller-led organisation. It doesn’t see a clash between access to education and Traveller culture and values, rather the opposite. That Travellers will best be able to advocate for themselves, work to eradicate discrimination, improve MH and physical health etc with more education.

thinky · 28/02/2026 12:08

Hello @NewZebra, the question about rubbish being left after travellers leave a site has been asked many times on this thread and there have been a lot of answers too.
The media in this country is controlled by rich and powerful people, in order to become more rich they sell stories that make people feel outraged. They would not publish a story that said "travellers left a site where they were staying in excellent condition".
If a group of travellers stays on a site illegally and is then evicted, they are unlikely to try to clear up before they go. I don't suppose an eviction is a polite request, I imagine that police or other officials will order the travellers off the site and they have to leave immediately.
There's been a lot of discussion on this, scroll back through when you have a few moments.

U53rName · 28/02/2026 12:34

TowerTumble · 25/02/2026 12:51

Low literacy can cause problems more more for women. The men tend to have trade jobs and manual work. A lot of them travelling men cannot read or write well but this is more the older generation than younger.

Better outcomes for health and lifespan start with trusting the NHS. We actually pay for a lot privately if we can afford to and if we can't family will help financially. Due to the prejudice experienced it's hard to trust the NHS

How do illiterate travellers pass their driving theory test?

Jellyandpeaches · 28/02/2026 12:35

Do you think there is a different attitude around littering among at least some travellers too @thinky?

A summer or two ago I saw a large traveller group (mostly young families) enjoying a day out at our local park (large country estate now owned by the state). They were picnicking near us and when they left to go home I was upset to see they left loads of rubbish behind. Food debris, packaging, a number of used nappies were all left strewn about the grass.

There was no reason they couldn’t have cleaned up (there are bins provided) but they simply didn’t. There were no aggravating factors like you mentioned above. Hence my question. I’m sorry to ask it but it’s what happened. Is this unusual (or not) in your experience?

godmum56 · 28/02/2026 13:19

scottishgirl69 · 28/02/2026 12:00

On this thread by the sounds of it

please imagine a laugh emoji

godmum56 · 28/02/2026 13:22

babylamb4 · 28/02/2026 11:44

God yes I’m defensive. I wont sit back and have a nobody think they know what’s best for us. Youd be defensive too if i told you what I thought about how yous bring your children up.

I haven't said I know what is best for you or for anybody. All I am advocating for is freedom of choice.

godmum56 · 28/02/2026 13:28

Ipollita · 28/02/2026 10:44

So, that’s the only cultural norm you impose? Do you allow them freedom of choice from the moment they’re born? Or when they’re 18? Surely you understand that the values you instil in them, the behaviours and practices you model and the expectations you set are all cultural norms.

If you have a daughter, would you be happy if she decided to marry young, move into a caravan and be a stay at home mum? Or if she was content to stack shelves for a living? Probably not. I suspect that your children’s “freedom of choice” only exists within the parameters of what you deem acceptable.

i have been open about the fact that I am childless. In my current socio economic group there are adult children of varying ages whose parents do various jobs or are SAH parents and the same pattern for their children, some go to uni, some not, some have children quite young and some not. In my own blood family there are varying levels of education and patterns of choice. I think the "choice from the moment of birth" thing is plain silly as I suspect that you know.

godmum56 · 28/02/2026 13:31

babylamb4 · 28/02/2026 11:59

mention it once and move on stop banging on about it. You don’t get to dictate here when your own culture is flawed

haven't dictated anything, just responding to comments

scottishgirl69 · 28/02/2026 13:33

babylamb4 · 28/02/2026 11:44

God yes I’m defensive. I wont sit back and have a nobody think they know what’s best for us. Youd be defensive too if i told you what I thought about how yous bring your children up.

I wouldn't be defensive, I don't have children -and I would never assume that every woman does - for more than one reason, not every woman wants to have kids or can have them. Also - people who aren't travellers won't bring kids up in exactly the same way.

There are good and poor parents in all walks of life - you don't know anything about me or my life but you seemed to assume that I had kids - and that I brought them up in a way you don't approve of

I was well brought up as it happens. By a single parent who gave both me and my brother a really good life.

sittingonabeach · 28/02/2026 13:58

My MIL was dissuaded from going to grammar school by her parents as that was not ‘for the likes of them’. She couldn’t go on a training course as her dad wouldn’t let her as she was a girl. Her brothers were allowed to do something similar. She is an intelligent woman but her choices were severely curtailed by her working class parents.

She encouraged her DC to fly in school, to grab opportunities (although struggled horribly with empty nest when those opportunities meant moving away) But she wanted her DC to have choice (choices she did not have)

WearyAuldWumman · 28/02/2026 14:34

My mum's eldest sister was top of her class. Her award was being allowed to take her Leaving Cert at 12, after her parents wrote to the school to say that she was needed to work. She was put into service on a farm.

She was saved by WW2 - she became a nurse.

Her daughter was the first member of our family to stay in school until the age of 18 and she became a teacher.

All the girls my grandparents' family were put into service so that the boys could get their apprenticeships. All of the girls made sure that their children could go to uni if they wished.

Uricon2 · 28/02/2026 18:02

This is the point @WearyAuldWumman . Generations of people (including my grandparents) fought hard for their kids to have a decent education. Staying on at school until 11 only became law in 1893, the year my grandfather was born. People can talk about debt and 'useless degrees' as much as they want but the fact is that for most working people, actually being able to read started to transform their lives and futures.

It is purely about choices because without a decent education those become very limited. There seem to be increasing numbers of traveller families whose kids do complete secondary education and I've no argument at all with them. I've also got no problem with anyone becoming a nail tech, MUA or anything else, as long as they have the opportunity to do different stuff, should they want to.

I know there is discrimination against travellers and that unless there is more flexibility around their sites and schooling actually engaging with the system might be very difficult. There is to my mind however no excuse in using 'this is our culture' to deprive girls (and boys) of making decisions their elders might not accept, even if they are not of themselves harmful. They are their choices to make and I would say that of any community that does the same in 21st century Britain.

godmum56 · 28/02/2026 18:23

Uricon2 · 28/02/2026 18:02

This is the point @WearyAuldWumman . Generations of people (including my grandparents) fought hard for their kids to have a decent education. Staying on at school until 11 only became law in 1893, the year my grandfather was born. People can talk about debt and 'useless degrees' as much as they want but the fact is that for most working people, actually being able to read started to transform their lives and futures.

It is purely about choices because without a decent education those become very limited. There seem to be increasing numbers of traveller families whose kids do complete secondary education and I've no argument at all with them. I've also got no problem with anyone becoming a nail tech, MUA or anything else, as long as they have the opportunity to do different stuff, should they want to.

I know there is discrimination against travellers and that unless there is more flexibility around their sites and schooling actually engaging with the system might be very difficult. There is to my mind however no excuse in using 'this is our culture' to deprive girls (and boys) of making decisions their elders might not accept, even if they are not of themselves harmful. They are their choices to make and I would say that of any community that does the same in 21st century Britain.

this precisely this.

WearyAuldWumman · 28/02/2026 18:49

@Uricon2 I totally agree.

I've known of Traveller boys in particular being deprived of the most basic education because of being kept out of school to help their fathers. The result is that their literacy level is that of a 5 yr old.

The lack of supervision from the powers that be doesn't really help - once the parents notify the LA that a boy is being "home educated", then that's often the end of it. (The same holds true for a "home educated" pupil from any community, in my experience.)

Apart from those whose fathers had established settled businesses in the area, the boys tended to disappear a year before they were due to take qualifications.

There was one case where a "settled" boy disappeared a year early. We had kept reporting that he was hitting girls in his year group. The school authorities had had a feeble response to the matter.

I got into work one day to discover that the boy had left permanently. The girls in his year group gleefully shared the story of how how he'd "battered" a girl and had been astonished when a girl in the year above had taken justice into her own hands. Apparently, he could handle the shame of being "a lassie basher", but not the shame of being "battered" by a lassie.

The father had quite a lucrative business, so I expect that the boy was put to work there.

For most, it's a case of still being on the roll but being taken out for months at a time. In one notable case, the boys told us that they'd been in Ireland. "Oh, did you fly or get the ferry?"

"No, we drove..."

"But you would have had to take the ferry then?"

"No. We all went to sleep in the van and our dad drove us to Ireland..."

In my experience, the girls tend to stay in school for longer, but are often deprived of the chance to get the qualifications that they're capable of taking because of being taken out of school at exam time, etc. (This phenomenon isn't unique to the Traveller community, I have to say, but it's more prevalent.)

As I think I mentioned above, the timing of Appleby Fair is particularly problematic - the Scottish exam diet normally stretches from the end of April to Early June and Traveller families often hit the road well in advance of Appleby. If a child is enrolled for an exam and misses it without mitigating circumstances, then that's an end to it.

There is absolutely no doubt that children who could have done really well academically have been deprived of the opportunity to receive good grades.

The sexism within the Roma community (again, in my experience) takes on a different form. It's the girls who are enrolled but then taken out of school to act as childminders or - in one case that I'm aware of - to be taken to another town to beg.

I had one Roma girl in my class who was particularly bright. She was a polyglot and she and her father were keen for her to go to university. However, she told me that her father's friends kept mocking him for having this ambition for her and I don't know whether she made it or not - latterly, she had started to truant along with a couple of the Roma girls whose fathers were less supportive of a formal education.

It may well be that most children are content only to have a secondary education, but it's a great pity that cultural prejudice can prevent children from taking another path that they might wish to follow.

I include my own family in that. I have a distant cousin on my dad's side who - like me - had an Eastern European dad and a Scottish mother. His daughter was offered a place at uni. My cousin's wife (a Scottish Fifer) informed me that their daughter was most certainly not not going to university: "I would just be working to put her through university and what's the point of that?"

I doubt that she'd have said the same of her son - but then, he didn't show the same academic promise as the daughter.

NB The university was a Scottish one, so there would have been no fees to pay.

godmum56 · 28/02/2026 19:04

@WearyAuldWumman
"It may well be that most children are content only to have a secondary education"

Again, I suspect this might be less true if the children were more aware of what their choices and the outcomes might be and felt less ?persuaded....dunno, what i am trying to say is that if you are informed by more views and experiences, then you might feel like choice and other paths is a real option for you.

MrsAnon6 · 28/02/2026 19:34

My own experience of gypsies/travellers has been very negative in that I’ve seen them pitch up on land illegally, engage in very anti-social behaviour, only leave when they’re forcibly removed and then leave the land in a horrific state. Is this only a small minority and if so generally what percentage of travellers engage in this behaviour? I like the ethos of valuing family and the strict values around life skills is great and I think people should live however they like as long as they’re not hurting anyone else but it’s difficult to be accepting if you only ever hear the negative side of something.

ThejoyofNC · 28/02/2026 19:40

God people are still going on and on about bloody education. Why can't you get your head around the fact that you are so obsessed with it because that is your culture. You are trying to enforce your societal norms onto other people to make yourselves feel better. You think you are superior and that we cannot possibly be happy. I think it's the height of ignorance.

You are so patronising it's a joke. Talking about the poor illiterate gypsies as though we are something to be pitied. We are not. We LOVE our way of life, why do you think it remains the way it does for so long? Because we are happy and we don't want the changes you are trying to inflict on us.

WellHardly · 28/02/2026 19:57

ThejoyofNC · 28/02/2026 19:40

God people are still going on and on about bloody education. Why can't you get your head around the fact that you are so obsessed with it because that is your culture. You are trying to enforce your societal norms onto other people to make yourselves feel better. You think you are superior and that we cannot possibly be happy. I think it's the height of ignorance.

You are so patronising it's a joke. Talking about the poor illiterate gypsies as though we are something to be pitied. We are not. We LOVE our way of life, why do you think it remains the way it does for so long? Because we are happy and we don't want the changes you are trying to inflict on us.

As I said above, the Traveller organisation near where I live prioritises education, improving access to education, training pathways, Traveller-specific internships, apprenticeships etc above everything else apart from healthcare. That’s not my ‘obsession’, this is a Traveller-led organisation whose motto is ‘No about us without us’.

godmum56 · 28/02/2026 20:05

ThejoyofNC · 28/02/2026 19:40

God people are still going on and on about bloody education. Why can't you get your head around the fact that you are so obsessed with it because that is your culture. You are trying to enforce your societal norms onto other people to make yourselves feel better. You think you are superior and that we cannot possibly be happy. I think it's the height of ignorance.

You are so patronising it's a joke. Talking about the poor illiterate gypsies as though we are something to be pitied. We are not. We LOVE our way of life, why do you think it remains the way it does for so long? Because we are happy and we don't want the changes you are trying to inflict on us.

Not education, CHOICE

ThejoyofNC · 28/02/2026 20:16

godmum56 · 28/02/2026 20:05

Not education, CHOICE

We have the choice. WE DONT WANT IT.

scottishgirl69 · 28/02/2026 20:19

ThejoyofNC · 28/02/2026 20:16

We have the choice. WE DONT WANT IT.

Some do. There are travellers who have chosen to get an education.

godmum56 · 28/02/2026 20:21

ThejoyofNC · 28/02/2026 20:16

We have the choice. WE DONT WANT IT.

do you speak for all RGT's?

ThejoyofNC · 28/02/2026 20:23

scottishgirl69 · 28/02/2026 20:19

Some do. There are travellers who have chosen to get an education.

But apparently we don't have the choice?

ThejoyofNC · 28/02/2026 20:24

godmum56 · 28/02/2026 20:21

do you speak for all RGT's?

No just the vast majority. A very small number CHOOSE to have an education. Because they have that choice. People just can't accept that most don't want it so they've convinced themselves of their own version of events.

scottishgirl69 · 28/02/2026 20:29

ThejoyofNC · 28/02/2026 20:23

But apparently we don't have the choice?

Theres a traveller education project about 6 miles from me and it's helped lots of traveller young people get qualifications. As I said elsewhere in the thread traveller kids might not get treated well in mainstream schools and therefore choose to exclude themselves and these projects help young people be in an environment they feel comfortable in