AMA: I am so rich and hopeless that I have not noticed £75K in USD being deposited into my bank account.

[ThePieceHall]

Just that really. But will it wash with the DWP for UC purposes?

I’ve met that odious POS. He made my skin crawl 🤮

I hope you’ll use it to buy a couple of pairs of trousers. That photo of you in your white budgie smugglers that popped up on the breakfast news put me right off my corn flakes this morning 🤢

Of course, we know some very-very ‘honourable’ people. I’ll have you know that we number (former) princes of the realm.

Who would remember a trifling $75k? It's pocket change.

In Parliamentary terms, this is being called ‘economical with the truth’. I sincerely hope that the Honourable Member is not calling me a liar? Because if you are, I will start the disciplinary process that will end in you being thrown into the chokey (Matilda-style) and me emerging with a further three billion pounds in compensation for your hurty words.

Ignoramus. Those white underpants are handcrafted by Dolce & Gabbana. My measurements are carefully taken so as to expertly and deftly fill the pouch. Why would I cover bespoke art with peasant-style leggings like someone who works in the fields? I adopt this proletarian fashion to go about my ‘work’ in the House/s and blend in as a man of the people.

This. Can’t see what all the bloody fuss is about.

But be warned that there is a sensitive image part way down the page.

I can ...almost....barely...make out a figure standing next to the man in the T-shirt. Difficult to be sure. Quite understandable if you didn't see them OP.

I just want to know where you buy your spiffy pants.

Indeed. The cold is bracing! All this heat is why the next generation have no resilience.

Do you not watch the news of Miss World? Do you not understand the contribution we global underwear figures make to maintaining world peace? They are pants to you, to me they are the vehicles of global unity. By the way, they are not from Primark.

I suspect you’ve been modelling yourself on Julian Fawcett the trouserless MP on Ghosts.

75k I might notice, but not 3 seperate payments of 25k? What can I say I don't check my bank accounts very often

We can't be expected to know such trifling details about our finances, next you'll be expecting me to my notice my best friend is into child sex trafficking!

Absolutely not! That poor specimen does NOT know how to tie an Oxford knot? Which Oxford college failed him?

Or keeping up with princes of the realm playing endless games of musical statues with young women. Such fun!

Actually someone once sent me £500 in cash for a course. True story. I advertised in Private Eye!

🤣🤣🤣

Did it involve repetitive hand movements?

LOL. No!

I confess to once having shaken 'A's hand. Bleurghh! 🤢 I feel dirty now, but 75k USD would ease the feeling, just saying. A mere trifle you'd agree? I promise I'll look out for it specially, though people are always popping 5 figure sums into my Swiss bank account, it's so hard to keep track.

Were you at the next table in Pizza Express?

Is that you Andrew MB?

Totally not. But my defence to any misdemeanour is that I was eating at a Pizza Express. Also, I invest in Sure Maximum 48, as recommended by a friend, so I NEVER sweat.

The other one in the underwear

Its pennies between friends, anyway Andy got a 75k landrover for free and he's been far more naughty than you. It's such a small amount I don't know why all the fuss?