Police officer's wife AMA

[lifeonthelane]

I've noticed that there seem to be a certain perception of police on here... particularly as a partner/spouse. I'm married to a police officer and there is definitwly a certain lifestyle that goes with this so AMA!

Yes, very much this. The kids and I live our lives and he slots in wherever he can. We have a campervan so our holiday arrangements can be flexible - and I just take the kids without him if he can't come.

Ohhh good question. We haven't really talked about this as they are still very young. They really push integrity on them, he's very upfont about owning his mistakes and taking the consequences - I'm fairly certain he'd hold them accountable and there wouldn't be any special treatment (other than knowing who the "good" duty solicitors are and ensuring they get one of those). I'll ask him when i see him, remind him it's anonymous and update accordingly!

Thank you. I'm wondering if he would literally arrest them?

He's a very clever person, and before joining had a Level 5 (foundation degree) in a completely unrelated area. Tried uni at 18 and was too immature - dropped out. He's done the degree route into policing because there was no other option (he's only been in a gew years) and he has mixed feelings about it - case files are a degree level legal document and have to be spot on for the courts, many officers struggle with them. However, he said there was a lot of useless fluff on the syllabus and he'd have learned more on the job.

We'd each say our own job is harder 😂 he has to deal with horrible situations/threats and shift work is gruelling, but he walks out after his shift and brings no work home with him. I work with some really deprived/at risk kids and manage some really difficult behaviour, and I continue working into the evening 4 nights a week which is really tough when I've done 10 hours in the building and am shattered.

Some people on this thread are shamefully rude. Bet they’re chicken shit in real life though. 🤭

He says he wouldn't arrest them or report them himself, but he would verbally inform his colleagues and take them down to the station.

Without being too outing, there was a situation a couple of years ago involving a police officer and a someone who had potentially committed a crime (both family members), and the police officer went straight to his Sergeant after discovering some information, which then led to some police intervention. I think my husband would do something similar if it were him.

He has a really dry/dark sense of humour - as have the other police officers i know. It's definitely a coping mechanism to protect himself from what he sees. He's quite a robust person, but there isn't very much in place in the way of mental health support or wellbeing initiatives. The chaplain brings around fruit occasionally i think. He says the worst part of the job is the shifts... but not a huge amount that can be done about that, crime doesn't happen 9-5 🤣

Thank you for your kind words. He isn't Met - from my limited knowledge, his force is structured and run very differently.

Ok thank you. That's interesting.

So he would definitely make sure the police were involved? Would he worry about his kids having a criminal record for something fairly 'minor'?

If you found out they did something do you think you might sheild it from him in order to stop that happening?

I'm really interested in this. Among students a lot of them take illegal drugs, are never found out, and then go into well paying professional jobs and live respectable lives.

I'd be really interested if your DH would essentially report his own kids and potential impact their whole life prospects for something minor (very minor if it's weed - as it's less dangerous for you than alcohol and I think the majority of the UK have tried it). But equally, if he didn't report it seems like a professional conflict.

OP would you tell your DH or keep it from him if you found out your teen DC had experimented with drugs?

He shares whatever I would see in the press - in fact, probably slightly less because never specifics like names, locations etc. Very much along the lines of "I did a welfare check on this elderly chap today and he was deceased, it was sad nobody had noticed for a week." They do have a chaplain, but unfortunately not professional support "on tap" - it does exist but is quite limited and not very easy to access.

Oh gosh, I have several relatives working in finance and they all say the same as you about this - I'm so sorry you have to face it day to day. I know people who have literally left the sector because the misogyny was so bad. A woman cried whilst being shouted at, and the male senior told her she was "too emotional" - the irony, apparently anger isn't an emotion 🙄 I'm so sorry that your experience is that it's everywhere, maybe I'm just lucky that mine is different. In regards to the police specifically, I can only go on what he (and the other officers I know) tell me and I choose to believe them all.

I’m also married to a police officer - he’s a sergeant now. It’s definitely a certain lifestyle that a lot of people don’t really “get”. It’s different from other shift work - the public perception of police is at an all time low. The abuse they get isn’t like any other job. DH enjoys it most of the time and it does actually pay quite well. Though I think they deserve more for what they do.

I feel this is the only question that should be asked here.

Also, she is married to a police officer, not the representant of the police wifey national club :/

Can we be cheacky and ask…and have an answer…on how much is « paid well »?

Thank you. Yeah, I hope she answers both our questions on this.

That is ridiculous and rude. I moved from blue chip corporate jobs because I was doing very well but wanted to be making a difference to people in a very real and direct way. My coworkers were more money motivated than I am and thought I had lost my mind. But I know people are alive, happy and healthy because of me, and that is worth diamonds.

There are people in public sector who would never get away with their shit in other environments for sure. And many, many people in industry who wouldn't last 1 day in many public sector jobs.

Your judgmental attitude does not speak well to how you view the world.

You’ve literally confirmed precisely what I said.

My son always wanted to join the police - he was rejected by the Met this year to join as a PC - he's now totally disillusioned about public service. He has a degree from a top uni but didn't get accepted on the grad scheme previously. Do you think his sex and colour discriminate against him atm?

If you meant that they would not be fully happy with the goals and aims of the companies, fine. But I am sick of the narrative that the private sector is so much superior to the public sector and the public sector is full of work shy idiots who dont know what they are doing, which your post smacked of. If that is not what you intended - fine. But you have to know that this is the position that has been pushed for years and its fucking insulting. I meet people who were my peers in the companies I worked for - they have big titles, big houses and lots of material trappings but often feel unfulfilled. I occasionally feel a twinge about the trappings I would have been able to afford if I stayed on that track. But I know why I made my decision and it was right for me. I know a number of people similar to me.

There are many many incompetent people in the private sector. And fantastic, innovative and creative managers in the public sector.

The big difference is that poor performance is typically tolerated for far longer and often forever in the public sector whereas in the private sector that happens far less often.

That has to be a key factor in why public sector productivity lags so far behind the private sector.

If the public sector had people motivated in part by altruistic aims and at the same time got rid of the deadwood then it would likely compete well with the private sector despite paying less.

What does AMA mean x

I saw plenty of long term poor performance tolerated in the private sector. Again, I refute this assertion, there are poor performers everywhere.

As for productivity - if you starve services of funds for over a decade which mean that people are in effect operating in crisis mode all the time - you get a lot of burned out, pissed off people who are not performing at their best and are demotivated. I dont disagree that there are people who take the piss. But in my opinion it is not the main reason for lower productivity.

I am sick of the public sector bashing narrative which has been peddled so successfully by the right wing.

you say he was horrified and said he never saw similar issues but working often side by side with police with domestic violence victims I find that very hard to believe . Do you think he might try to hide or cover up his what really happens ?

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