My boys go to a prestigious boarding school. Ask me anything !

[tummyduck]

Ask me anything about my boys who board at an all boys’ school ! Any disrespectful questions will be ignored

No question (bit of a braggy one, "prestigious" good for you 👍🏼). Just a comment on how surprising it is that we still have boarding schools in existence given everything we know about attachment and the developing brain of a child

I seem to remember (but I can't be arsed to double check) that girls do better in single sex education and boys do better in co-ed. So the girls are really in the sixth form to improve the boys results!

My brother went to a semi-"prestigious" boarding school (no other choice we lived in a part of the world that didn't have proper education available past 11) and he's one screwed up individual (to be fair I'm not sure that boarding school was to blame but we'll never know).

More interestingly my ex went to a non-prestigious boarding school run by Quakers chosen because it was more nurturing that the more traditional boarding schools. He was/is 100% institutionalised and his relationship with his parents are what I would call cordial. He once calculated how long he'd EVER spent living with his parents which I can't now remember but it was something in the region of 6 years all told by the age of 35.

He didn't moan about it why would he it's all he knew but his view of the world was very odd. It's no surprise he ended up in the army followed by the rec cross and now lives alone with his dog in a cottage in the countryside. Don't get me wrong, he's content with his life but hearing him talk about his parents and how they were good to him because they paid for his education was chilling.

But hey-ho each to their own - no questions from me.

It really really is. My son did ok. But many would struggle . Also. It’s a very small place.

I would have hated it myself. Horses for courses though. A degree from Durham does open doors

Are they at Winchester?

@Loopylou7219 My son spent the first year of his life in an orphanage (very good one, caring staff attended to his needs well, no horror stories) - but I might start refering to it as a "prestigious boarding school" - sounds so much better!

(Yes I know children don't board in their first year I was exaggerating for effect)

This is true, Durham alumni are bright. No argument. It’s relative though. And I am directly quoting my son.

Threads like these provoke a certain response😂

I went to a private school so I expect people have similar opinions about us...but whenever we played a boarding school at sport or debate or whatever, the kids were almost universally weird as fuck 😅

Yeah, sure.

https://schoolsweek.co.uk/private-schools-over-inflated-gcses-during-covid-analysis-suggests/

https://www.theguardian.com/education/2022/aug/28/private-schools-england-gaming-system-lockdown-exam-results-gcse-a-level-grades

I echo this. I have friends from all the so called "prestigious" (wtf does this mean even? That you can boast about it to your friends?) schools incl my dh and my brother and they have all struggled a lot with having been rejected fundamentally at a young age, not having parents to turn to as they felt that they were being ungrateful if they expressed unhappiness, having to suppress their emotions all the time. It's just not healthy. And even worse when the girls are kept home and sent to day schools, double dose of rejection.

And yes, my DH's grandfather and father went to the same school, so what this doesn't make it the right school for him, zero thought for the child goes into the decision to send them to the same school as their parent tbh, it's putting tradition above the right school for the right child.

It boils my piss that children are still treated like this in the full knowledge that they will suffer later in life. How much evidence do you need?

I went to boarding school too but as a day pupil. The boarders were miserable. I boarded twice for a short period when my parents were away and loathed it

Actually, their ‘parents’ have absolved themselves of the day to day parenting that most families do. “Neglectful mothers” come in all shapes and sizes - some of them are very wealthy!

@Velmy on reflection that is exactly how I would describe my ex - nice but weird as fuck! But mostly mixed with other similar people so he seemed blithely unaware.

OP said they started boarding age 11, Winchester it’s 13, as I think it is at most ‘prestigious’ boarding schools.

Ignore the snide comments.

I had a friend who moved her children around from 5-15 in Asia, US, Oz due to husband's job. They eventually came back to the UK and quite honestly a lot of damage was done. Education standards and cirriculum were not the same, cultures were different.. There was a transient population so they never really put down roots.

Oh, I'm sure that's absolutely the case.

Still makes the wealthy parents feel they're doing something charitable though.

I wonder why she didn't stay in one place with the children while her husband travelled?

A male work colleague of mine was sent to boarding school when he was SEVEN! Actually on his 7th birthday. I was appalled.
He went on to have a successful military career but has zero emotional intelligence and doesn't know how to deal with kindness and affection.

You are a warm and loving mother for how many days per year? Must be convenient to live in the illusion of being warm and loving while not even being present. I see my nieces and nephews more than you see your own children fgs.

This interests me more than the OP post. In what way were they weird as fuck? Is it mainly to do with emotional disconnect, or more practical things?

DO YOU WORK, OP? In caps as you've been asked this a few times and not answered

I'm intrigued, what made you start this thread?
I personally have no experience of boarding school and no-one I know has attended, so it's something I have never thought of for my child tbh.

Obviously @tummyduck you’re getting a lot of negative comments as boarding school unless essential for some familial reason is controversial for many parents, especially if DC are there before sixth form or at a push, KS4.

An interesting question you have not answered which has been asked several times:

• You could have sent them as day pupils to this school (very few if any schools are now exclusively boarding) and lived in your local house in the UK with your kids, and your husband would have come home for half the year. Why did you not do this? It feels to me that your prioritised your own life with your husband over the comfort and security of your DC (which is something that you may feel is right, of course – I mean I don’t but I’m not you)?

• I also am interested in the process – you picked the school that was right for them – and it just happens to be the one your DH went to?

Do you think boarding schools offer more in terms of enrichment and academics. What was deciding factor between a boarding school versus a day school.

Does it make a difference how messed up they are, depending on whether they went to boarding school at 11 or 13?

Ok, that rules out Charterhouse.

"Ignore the snide comments."

That's a particularly weird comment. If you post on a public forum you invite comments from all and sundry. There's nothing to be gained from ignoring any comments you don't like, even if on reflection you disagree - a bit of self reflection never harmed anyone and might even help.

Even if only for OP to reflect on why she felt the need to label her sons boarding school as "prestigious" which you surely must admit sounds pompous? Boarding schools are all essentially the same within a certain spectrum and "prestigious" doesn't reflect anything other than your own value judgement.

I once worked closely with a nice chap who had been to the big "E", good at his job no complaints from me. But he was amazed that someone with a "background" like mine had risen to the same level as him in our field. He admired me so much at my meteoric ascent that you'd have thought I was running round the streets in rags as child rather than just giving up my saturdays and sundays to work in my parents shop which was our livelihood!