My boys go to a prestigious boarding school. Ask me anything !

[tummyduck]

Ask me anything about my boys who board at an all boys’ school ! Any disrespectful questions will be ignored

What do you think of VAT on private schools?

Excellent points, @Kewcumber .

But you don't parent them. I feel sad for them.

Have you witnessed the impact on men who were sent away to boarding school as young boys?

I have met quite a few and they’ve been very bitter about it and seem to have real emotional issues with bonding and trust.

OP, what does your dh do for a living?

Ditto you?

@notwavingbutdrowning1

In ex's case both emotional disconnect and practical stuff but mainly the emotional disconnect. He can't form normal bonds with people - I'm not sure if it's fear of connecting or just habit but he wouldn't have children in case one day we split up and then wehen he met someone new would have to cut our child out of his life as "obviously" he couldn't have a child from a previous relationship around in a new one!!!

Many years later he finally met my DS whom I adopted as a single parent and was amazed at "what a good job" I'd done with him. He looked slightly sad and I was the better person for not pointing out it could have been him.

He once commented that he had probably met my parents in the previous 8 years and knew more about them than his own. He lived in a quite confined box emotionally and found it hard to relax.

Practically not all bad - obsessively tidy and self sufficient but never planned anything ahead - dates meals NOTHING - never had to - there was always someone around to join in with you at short notice. Moving on to the army didn't help!

at 68 he has a close bond with his dog so it didn't turn out so badly for him I guess.

The school can't be that prestigious if they're boarding at aged 11.

The major public schools start at 13 for boys.

Stealth (wealth) boasting is seriously embarrassing.

Have you read "Sad Little Men" by Richard Beard? Suspect that this will be seen as a disrespectful question... but then my DC went to / attend an inner city provincial comprehensive through choice so I doubt my question would register with OP.

Do you realise that they are now steeped in a culture which makes them highly unlikely to tell you if anything was wrong, so taking their word for it that everything is fine is not particularly reliable?

Bit or a weird braggy post. Love how the OP had to specify that the boarding school was "prestigious"

I went to a boarding school for about 3 years. I enjoyed it more the most part, but I would never send my own kid to one. There were times I really did need my mum. Childhood is too short and precious.

That all sounds really sad. And pretty hard for you!

As a PP said, why on earth do we still allow boarding schools, knowing how damaging they can be?

I’m assuming so as OP said her fees pay for the children who get a free place. She used the phrase ‘my fees’ so she is presumably paying for the schooling, not her husband. 🤔

I work in mental health and can honestly say I haven’t met a single person who went to boarding school who isn’t left with issues. What astounds me is the cognitive dissonance that so frequently happens- despite being messed up they tell themselves it was the making of them and proceed to send their own kids.
I just knew the OPs husband would have been to the same school.

How sad and unnatural to send your children away like this. I used to babysit for a family that did this and the relationship between the parents and children was very cold and stilted.

This still makes me mad. My DS was the first cohort who missed their GCSEs. He went to a Grammar school who insisted on almost undermarking the students to keep to some moral code, while it seemed the rest of the UK - and especially the private schools- were handing out 8s and 9s like sweeties. Luckily his A levels (the first public exams he sat) were actually marked by people outside of the school. I know I shouldn't still be annoyed but when someone brings it up the steam starts rising! 😂

Or Wellington.

Well he's an ex for a reason! He was very confused by any kind of argument or how to work through relationship problems, he just hadn't seen it in practice. To be honest I was in a senior and stressful and time consuming job at the time and this kind of space sharing rather than life sharing suited me at the time. Luckily I wised up in time and we have stayed fairly detached friends but he would be the first to admit that the circumstances he grew up with has made him not very relationship friendly.

I went to an all girls' school - I'm not entirely sure I'd recommend it. I think a mixed would have been better.

my brothers went to boarding School and hated it. Said they would never do it to their kids. I'm glad your kids are having a good experience.

Having taught in a good boarding school, and attended one as a day pupil, I can say that, generally we evolved a fairly independent and stoic nature, not too many mental health issues..

...but my experience is that the boarders emotionally separate from their parents and instead form strong relationships with peers and tutors.

When my form tutor died aged 90 there wasn't enough room in the church as it was packed with his former pupils, all of whom including me were still in regular touch and many considered him to be their father figure.

Many of my friends really have had very little to do with mum and dad since leaving school!

In case OP ever comes back - is there an element of keeping up with the Jones'?
Obviously you can afford to send them to the school but what were the unexpected financial costs and do you feel under pressure from other pupils (or their parents) to buy the "right" brands or go on holiday to the "right" place?

How do you ensure your children arent being exposed to this superficiality or believe it?

It's so very unjust. Corrupt and dishonest.

"prestigious" in what sense - who do you think is made to look good by attendance, the parents or the children?