My boys go to a prestigious boarding school. Ask me anything !

[tummyduck]

Ask me anything about my boys who board at an all boys’ school ! Any disrespectful questions will be ignored

I haven’t noticed any envy on here - quite the opposite, in fact.

we are all walking paradoxes aren't we in someways. I care about the environment, of course. I still fly vommercial . I care about our taxes being used to kill kids in Gaza . oh yes. I still pay tax

................the punishing regime of weekends / exeats / holidays can mean you spend half your life thrashing up and down the motorway, or on trains, picking up and dropping off

Oh how awful for you.

I've got a solution, though.

Send your kids to the local state school.

Sorted.

What do YOU do for a living to support the large amounts of international travel you seem to undertake? That is not all being funded on the taxpayer's dime. And military salaries aren't high enough to pay for it either.

I am increasingly convinced that this is a fantasy thread. The truly 'prestigious' boys only full boarding schools don't start until 13. Nor do they take girls in the 6th form.

That some kids have way more opportunities than those available to others in different economic brackets doesn’t make me envious, it makes me frustrated because it’s just the perpetuation of privilege and power. Families who are privileged buying opportunities for their own children so that the family privilege and generational wealth stays in the family. Many go on to hold positions of power in government, finance, law, rampant capitalism… They are the ones who run our lives and as such, inequality is never going to go away. Old Boys’ Network still very much alive and kicking. Meanwhile the rest of society bears the brunt of the elite’s excesses.

am I a bot!?

I still pay tax

Are you going to start an AMA about that, too?

🤣

OP still refusing to properly engage with the question of why she chose to be absent from her children vs her husband. All of the responses: “absence makes the heart grow fonder”, “communication is still good” would have applied to her being away from her husband as well.

@tummyduck I’m curious about your hopes for your children in the future; how do you think their education they are having will serve them well in the future? If you could see into the future, what would you hope to imagine for them in 20 years time? Also, are you thinking that your DD will also board from 11, or do you have a different idea in mind for her?
I know a very loving mum who was very present for her babies and toddlers, for example she would co-sleep as they struggled by themselves. However, boarding school was such a strong part of her culture and linked in her mind with being a “good” parent, that she was convinced this was best decision for her kids - she felt that it would provide them with all that they needed to live the sort of life she hoped for them. This is why I asked the questions above. Thanks

You clearly take the same blasé cavalier approach to parenting as you do actually addressing some of the valid points on this thread ☺️

Oh dear.
There is rather a lot more to raising children than ‘The best education that money can buy,’ whatever that means.
In fact, many would argue that boarding school, happy at the time or not, is far from giving their child the best start in life. Some would indeed call it extremely selfish.

I went to a small all girls boarding school and was a Weekender for several years. My dad was military. I loved it and don't recognise these concerns in myself or any of the other boarders ( apart from one who start at 8 and clearly too young).

I had moved with my parents for a year during primary school and that really set me back, so they wanted consistency for secondary school. It was a very small school and it made a huge difference to me - and really helped in areas I struggled. It was a religious school (I'm not religious now), but the nuns really did care about us and looked after us outside of school hours. The teachers weren't nuns. Of course there were times and things I didn't like, but definitely no more than kids at other schools. My parents are very much my parents and I still spent lots of time with them and have always been close to them. I loved all the fun and antics we got up to boarding, such as playing boardgames late into the night after lights out!
Until I found Mumsnet a couple of years ago, I really had little idea that there are so many people anti boarding school

OP sounds like your sons are thriving and I wish them the best for the future.

Sorry if this has already been asked but, given the choice, would your children prefer to stay at boarding school or live with you full time? And were you concerned about sending them due to issues such as boarding school syndrome? And if so, how did you overcome that?

if they turn into psychopaths that murder me and my husband I probably wouldn't have time to worry as I would be murdered?

Do I worry my sons will turn out like BJ? Will there ever be another BJ? What signs shall I look out for first? Multidirectional hair/ talking bollocks/ multiple failed marriages?

Military families make tremendous sacrifices for our safety. The OP and her DHs sacrifices benefit all of us.

Shame on you for being so vile to her. Please think about your horrible posts when you put on your poppy pins in November. Supporting military personnel and their families requires us to think before we judge them.

Also could you believe OP, that those of us who don't send our children to boarding school also don't let our children roam around the streets and have screens 24/7. Is that your perception of state school families? How un-humanitarian of you

And I hope that this is received as intended (I don’t mean to goad or assume), but I do get the sense that OP you experience some conflict about your distance from your sons - some of your responses have given me this impression (and maybe even posting this AMA as I am sure you were aware you would have mixed replies!). I was particularly struck by your comment about seeing your DS carrying your DD and being moved by this; and I wondered whether partly this felt more moving to you because they are not together all of the time?

I can assure you that your choices are not those of someone who sincerely cares about others (a humanitarian) or the environment.

I can understand why you want to describe yourself as a 'paradox', and that in being so you are just like everyone else.

But there are gaping holes in your critical thinking.

So do an awful lot of people in different professions that demand commitment and extensive training, some away from home. Possibly however without the funding for a ‘prestigious’ boarding school for their children or the salary to pay for it.

I've always struggled to understand the financial side of it.

For me, putting £2000 per month aside to invest for a child for the 13 years of schooling and then leaving it to grow until they are 28 (instead of paying for schooling) would give at least £700,000 in today's money and would buy them a family home or allow them to retire age 38 at the latest if they don't spend it on a house. I just don't see how the boost in salary would be worth more than that for most children who attend boarding school.

I'd rather invest the money for my children and live next to a good state school/pay for tutors and spend time with them doing enrichment activities.

I'd be interested to hear how you view the financial benefits of boarding school Vs investing.

You don't really mean 'ask me anything', do you? A better title for your post would be 'Ask me anything and I may answer'. Did you anticipate difficult questions? With a DH who boarded and you having attended an 'academic ... grammar school' (all grammar schools are, by definition), you must have realised you were opening the floodgates to a contentious topic.

For typo

The idea that most people want to buy an education for their kids is nonsense. Not everyone wants to pay for privilege. It’s perfectly reasonable to value other things instead.

I think if a lot of working parents, particularly mums, were reaaaally honest with themselves about all that quality time they have, it’s not that quality at all. Most of my weekday contact with my kids is dashing around getting ready, barking SHOES! TEETH! COME OOOOOOOOONNNNNNN! feeding them and then rushing round again saying the word ‘teeth’ 750 billion times. I bet we’d all like each other more if we spent more time apart 😂 and I’d certainly be a fuck ton better at my job. It’s VERY far removed from my experience (but I also went to a state grammar where they taught us to pass exams and not much else!) but it’s been really interesting reading your responses and it’s made me question some assumptions I had about boarding school. Just don’t let them be like Boris Johnson please 😂😂

As a kid, I think that's what would have broken me. To not be at my safe space every day, to not have my parents, siblings, pet, my own room to take comfort in every day. Also, as a child and as an adult, you can be your relaxed, authentic self at home. At school or work, you have to be this social/teachable person, it's hard work. And for boarders that is relentless.

the older one has an option of living with us when we are back but he doesn't want to...the younger one can't be a day boy.
Boarding school is a very real thing, and people's experiences are truly awful. I think if your child is very sensitive and /or you are not an emotionally expressive family a child can end up extremely emotionally repressed in boarding school and also become hyper independent etc. I do think the way that modern boarding schools are set up they are very familiar with this psychological phenomenon so pastoral care is much better etc