Page 12 | My boys go to a prestigious boarding school. Ask me anything !

tummyduck · 2025-08-07T12:25:07+00:00

Ask me anything about my boys who board at an all boys’ school ! Any disrespectful questions will be ignored

TheGander · 07/08/2025 16:44

What is the demographic/ nationality breakdown of the school boarders? Im
guessing not all or even majority British but a lot of foreign kids from very privileged backgrounds. How do your kids relate to them? Is there a tendency to hang out in groups of same nationality. Also ( only half joking here) is it true that South American drug cartel bosses all send their kids to elite British boarding schools?

Yohoho3 · 07/08/2025 16:44

Well, perhaps it is just the school i work at then. I attend matches with other schools and their manners are also great. My point is that I’d have never thought it to be this way.

notwavingbutdrowning1 · 07/08/2025 16:44

Yohoho3 · 07/08/2025 16:40

I didn’t say that charity was used as an example of a “growth” experience, I was just illustrating the fact that many of these children are in the real world. They are encouraged to be independent thinkers, and schools really take their development as whole people (who need to function very well in society) seriously.

But that is essentially what charity is for when it comes to wealthy kids. It’s the whole ‘let’s go and build a school in Africa’ thing.

All charity does is illustrate and perpetuate a power imbalance - private schools doing charity for state schools is another clear example of that.

dancethedancetoday · 07/08/2025 16:45

Why would you have children to just send them to boarding school? Seriously, not trying to offend but… why bother?! My best friend went to boarding school… she despises her parents for it, it’s very sad

Trixibell1234 · 07/08/2025 16:45

Did you look into letting your husband go abroad for 6 months instead of your children going to boarding school?

Dodeedoo · 07/08/2025 16:47

Do you miss your kids?

Victoria39 · 07/08/2025 16:48

Jynxed · 07/08/2025 16:33

I went to boarding school at 9 as my father was in the army. Crap experience, very poor family relationships resulted, and have never forgiven them. Think about the cost of privilege!

I'm paying the shortest violin😂

my kids classes have 30 to 35 kids, bullying is rife, it’s hard to exclude kids who do things like punch teachers or push tables over as they got some kind of label, teachers keep leaving, nice kids are ignored, there’s hardly no after school clubs plus there’s lot of poverty around here.

RosyDaysAhead · 07/08/2025 16:48

A few months ago there was an incident at a UK boarding school where three boys were electrocuted. (I’m local to that school and it made the local news- not sure if it made national news). When you hear about stories like this, do you question the safety of your children in the care of the school?
you said your children went to board at 11. Would you have let them board at a younger age if they’d expressed interest in doing so?

Victoria39 · 07/08/2025 16:49

dancethedancetoday · 07/08/2025 16:45

Why would you have children to just send them to boarding school? Seriously, not trying to offend but… why bother?! My best friend went to boarding school… she despises her parents for it, it’s very sad

Edited

💯agree
why have kids if you don’t want to see them. But OP will likely ignore your post

Waitingfordoggo · 07/08/2025 16:49

sellotapechicken · 07/08/2025 16:42

when will you deposit your youngest into boarding school? When they’re 11 too? Must be nice to not have to parent past 11 yrs old

Yes, quite handy to not have to get involved with the whole adolescence shenanigans. Wait… I’m beginning to see the appeal. 😂

Dodeedoo · 07/08/2025 16:49

Soontobe60 · 07/08/2025 15:26

Actually, their ‘parents’ have absolved themselves of the day to day parenting that most families do. “Neglectful mothers” come in all shapes and sizes - some of them are very wealthy!

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This

Kewcumber · 07/08/2025 16:50

Yohoho3 · 07/08/2025 16:23

I wondered if you had your hard hat on when creating this thread! I have been a teacher for a long time and taught in state schools for 12 years. I then fell into a boarding environment by chance.

I can confirm that safeguarding is possibly even more robust than in the state sector because nobody wants anything but the best for the children. Everyone at my school is trained up to DSL level. Never say never, so we all stay vigilant.

Yes, some of the more “prestigious” boarding schools are tricky to get into and they use Cognitive scores (CATS) to judge underlying ability, on top of extensive interviews, tasks and“taster days”, as well as exam results over time. Family connections are honoured, but are not usually the reason for a place being offered.

I don’t send my own child to boarding school, as that wouldn’t be right for them, but I have had my eyes opened. Pupils really are highly privileged and have many more opportunities than most children. However, a very good number of parents are raising their wealthy children to be humble; I teach some absolutely lovely young people. Our school does a lot for charity and regular partnered projects with local schools. Teachers move from state to independent and back again happily.

Competition is encouraged and generally young people at barding school become accustomed to all having the same as each other; same size bed, same dorm, showers, food. They become quite good at focusing on the group rather than just themselves. Sport also encourages this mentality; work as a pack but rise to the top where you can. That was something that surprised me.

It isn’t right for everyone.

@Yohoho3
"safeguarding is possibly even more robust than in the state sector because nobody wants anything but the best for the children" - safeguarding better be bloody watertight as they're offering 24/7 care and the children have no "safe space" to come home to - I'm sure you didn't really mean to imply that state school teachers don't have robust safeguarding becuase they care a little bit less for the children in their care. I'm sure you're not implying that because you taught in state schools yourself and I'm sure you wouldn't admit to taking safeguarding more seriously in private boarding schools because you wanted the best for those children.

"However, a very good number of parents are raising their wealthy children to be humble" - I move in very wealthy circles, my sister is very wealthy, all their children and friends of their children (whom I know very well) - they all went to "prestigious" private day schools and whatever they say in front of teachers, none of them are raising them to be "humble"! In fact all are steeped in privilege so deeply they don't even recognise it and whilst they are all lovely people and donate to charity and I love them all, calling them humble would be laughable!

notwavingbutdrowning1 · 07/08/2025 16:52

TheGander · 07/08/2025 16:44

What is the demographic/ nationality breakdown of the school boarders? Im
guessing not all or even majority British but a lot of foreign kids from very privileged backgrounds. How do your kids relate to them? Is there a tendency to hang out in groups of same nationality. Also ( only half joking here) is it true that South American drug cartel bosses all send their kids to elite British boarding schools?

I do know that in a local (‘prestigious’) private school the marketing department had to court some pretty dodgy-sounding oligarchs to get them to send their kids there!

Victoria39 · 07/08/2025 16:52

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sonnyfoools · 07/08/2025 16:52

RosyDaysAhead · 07/08/2025 16:48

A few months ago there was an incident at a UK boarding school where three boys were electrocuted. (I’m local to that school and it made the local news- not sure if it made national news). When you hear about stories like this, do you question the safety of your children in the care of the school?
you said your children went to board at 11. Would you have let them board at a younger age if they’d expressed interest in doing so?

On purpose or accidentally?

Lins77 · 07/08/2025 16:52

What's the difference between a prestigious boarding school and an unprestigious one?

Elektra1 · 07/08/2025 16:52

Looks like the OP has left. Another example of an AMA thread where the OP wanted validation/adulation and stropped off when other posters had different opinions.

Dodeedoo · 07/08/2025 16:52

‘when we are back in England they come home for the day on sunday.
otherwise see them for a long weekend every half term (exeat) and all the holidays‘

as someone who can’t have children and who desperately wants them, this makes me feel really sad. Why did you bother having them? Kids in foster care would see their parents more ffs

sonnyfoools · 07/08/2025 16:54

Kewcumber · 07/08/2025 16:50

@Yohoho3
"safeguarding is possibly even more robust than in the state sector because nobody wants anything but the best for the children" - safeguarding better be bloody watertight as they're offering 24/7 care and the children have no "safe space" to come home to - I'm sure you didn't really mean to imply that state school teachers don't have robust safeguarding becuase they care a little bit less for the children in their care. I'm sure you're not implying that because you taught in state schools yourself and I'm sure you wouldn't admit to taking safeguarding more seriously in private boarding schools because you wanted the best for those children.

"However, a very good number of parents are raising their wealthy children to be humble" - I move in very wealthy circles, my sister is very wealthy, all their children and friends of their children (whom I know very well) - they all went to "prestigious" private day schools and whatever they say in front of teachers, none of them are raising them to be "humble"! In fact all are steeped in privilege so deeply they don't even recognise it and whilst they are all lovely people and donate to charity and I love them all, calling them humble would be laughable!

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Great post. And yes hahaha at humble rich boarding school kids.

And all that wonderful safeguarding for rich cherubs.

Goditsmemargaret · 07/08/2025 16:56

My brother went to a prestigious boarding school. He loved it.

I look at him and the man he has grown into; genuinely lovely but I can see the consequences -

He has strong loyal male friendships that span decades.
He loves his own family but he was always absent and distant. His marriage broke down and his kids don't speak to him really anymore.
He can't form close relationships with women despite craving intimacy and support. He always panics and breaks up with them.
He sometimes (with a few drinks) refers to being sent away or rejected from his family.

Why would you outsource parenting your own kids?

Waitingfordoggo · 07/08/2025 16:56

Waitingfordoggo · 07/08/2025 16:49

Yes, quite handy to not have to get involved with the whole adolescence shenanigans. Wait… I’m beginning to see the appeal. 😂

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But actually, to be sentimental for a moment, mine are 19 and 17 now and it’s been a hell of a ride at various points, but I wouldn’t have missed it for the world because the challenges and sleepless nights have been worth it for the wonderful joys we’ve had along the way. We go to gigs and festivals together and always find plenty to talk about and there is always lots of laughter- we really know each other, and still love each other despite that 😂

When people send their children to boarding schools for all those years, they really are missing out, and while they are parents, they are not parenting in the real sense of the word. Parenting is a verb- it’s action and behaviour on an ongoing basis. Having so little involvement in the day to day life of your child isn’t parenting IMO. It’s been outsourced to teachers, matrons, tutors and peers.

TheOGBethDuttton · 07/08/2025 16:57

These AMA threads are bloody awful to read, it's like a humble-brag and the OPs are so self absorbed. Like youre in some special boat because you decided to send your kids to private school. You're not. It was the same when someone ecently started the 'I'm a millennial AMA'... who literally gives two shits?

Victoria39 · 07/08/2025 16:57

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Victoria39 · 07/08/2025 16:59

Crummles · 07/08/2025 15:45

OP, what does your dh do for a living?

Ditto you?

Good question. He clearly earn’s a lot to send his sons to a posh school

Waitingfordoggo · 07/08/2025 16:59

In response to the post upthread about families who have to move at short notice. I would suggest finding a more family-friendly job, or one parent staying in one place with the children while the other parent travels to work. In the forces families that I’ve known, one parent (usually the mum) lives in forces housing on the base while the husband deploys for months or years at a time. It’s not the sort of marriage I’d want, but the families I know are happy and make it work. At least they often retire fairly early too and can then work close to their families.