My boys go to a prestigious boarding school. Ask me anything !

[tummyduck]

Ask me anything about my boys who board at an all boys’ school ! Any disrespectful questions will be ignored

That’s the impression I get

@HonestOpalHelper that's really quite sad. And so many other sad posts on this thread too 😔

That is a good question. ‘Prestigious’ and ‘expensive’ are often conflated, especially in circles where everything is measured by money.

What do people suggest if parents have a job where they often have to move with as little as a couple of weeks notice? Surely boarding is better with stable friendships than moving schools every time you move home?
otherwise nobody in the forces would ever have children. My parents ran pubs, I had to go to one school for just 7 weeks

yes I had my parents but I had no stable friendships

I wondered if you had your hard hat on when creating this thread! I have been a teacher for a long time and taught in state schools for 12 years. I then fell into a boarding environment by chance.

I can confirm that safeguarding is possibly even more robust than in the state sector because nobody wants anything but the best for the children. Everyone at my school is trained up to DSL level. Never say never, so we all stay vigilant.

Yes, some of the more “prestigious” boarding schools are tricky to get into and they use Cognitive scores (CATS) to judge underlying ability, on top of extensive interviews, tasks and“taster days”, as well as exam results over time. Family connections are honoured, but are not usually the reason for a place being offered.

I don’t send my own child to boarding school, as that wouldn’t be right for them, but I have had my eyes opened. Pupils really are highly privileged and have many more opportunities than most children. However, a very good number of parents are raising their wealthy children to be humble; I teach some absolutely lovely young people. Our school does a lot for charity and regular partnered projects with local schools. Teachers move from state to independent and back again happily.

Competition is encouraged and generally young people at barding school become accustomed to all having the same as each other; same size bed, same dorm, showers, food. They become quite good at focusing on the group rather than just themselves. Sport also encourages this mentality; work as a pack but rise to the top where you can. That was something that surprised me.

It isn’t right for everyone.

Did your DH aknowlege because he did it and was ok that doesn't mean it's right for anyone else.
We tend to carry on for our DC what we had even small things and much larger things like this .

Eg I was ok so they will be ok

Have you listened to In Dark Corners the podcast by Alex Renton?

What is your view on the horrific numbers of men that have come forward and spoken about abuse suffered at these "elite schools" and the schools have no apologised despite evidence clealry shows they knew it was happening?

Not sure you can call yourself a parent if you see them for 1 day every other other week or so. Will you pay for therapy for them ?

(If I were you, I'd be slightly careful in your answers about outing yourself (if you care). There are only 4 or 5 big name boys only boarding schools that start at age 11. Most start at 13. So it could get quite easy to work out which school they go to if you aren't careful).

This is more of a question from the perspective on a teacher in a boarding school so I am aware you might no have a clue as to the answer but:

Have you, as a parent, noticed any decrease in the quality or quantity of opportunities, resources, subjects or teachers as a result of VAT on fees? Are your numbers for Sept lower than usual?

Do they have secret feasts in the dorm?

They need to find alternative employment, or decide not to have children in the first place.

I was sent to boarding school from age 8. Now in my 40s. My mother seems baffled why we are not close 😀. To minimise the chances of being in my mother’s situation, I prioritise spending quality time with my children before they fly the nest.

I hope it works differently for you and your children.

There are some ignorant and disrespectful posts here full of preconceived ideas and based like yours.
A friend I met at uni and back very close to was a boarder and used to comment on how it was the best time of his life. Not everyone’s experiences are the same and don’t assume they are neglected or unloved. It is never ever black and white, it’s what works for the family and we are all different.
I would never put my children in boarding schools but they are a necessity for many families.
Grow to respect differences and just because some people don’t follow the same norm as everyone else, doesn’t mean you can go on to disrespect them with your preconceived ideas.

Why do you feel that we want to ask you questions? Lucky for you thaf you can send them there. People like you are so far removed from how the rest off us lives

you sound goady

I went to boarding school at 9 as my father was in the army. Crap experience, very poor family relationships resulted, and have never forgiven them. Think about the cost of privilege!

Because guess what? it’s an ask me anything board. If you don’t like it then move on.

raising their wealthy children to be humble

Sorry, but just no. You can’t put your children into a privileged little bubble then talk about humility. Humility comes from existing in the real world and understanding how life works for most of us. And charitable works simply emphasise difference. It’s obscene to see charity being used as a ‘growth’ experience for wealthy kids.

I didn’t say that charity was used as an example of a “growth” experience, I was just illustrating the fact that many of these children are in the real world. They are encouraged to be independent thinkers, and schools really take their development as whole people (who need to function very well in society) seriously.

I think it would've been extremely difficult for the OP to refuse to send them if it was the family culture, she must've felt an enormous amount of pressure even if it was unspoken.

This ⬆️. They're not likely to sit next to the Syrian refugee or the Roma migrant in Maths now, are they?

Will you send your dd to boarding school when she is older? (Assuming she is the 7 year old)

when will you deposit your youngest into boarding school? When they’re 11 too? Must be nice to not have to parent past 11 yrs old

We certainly do have refugees in our school.

Sports works as a pack, mhm. My dd goes to a grammar school and the worst, most undignified players in her 2 sports are always from private schools. They play rough, don't shake hands, if a hand is offered, they refuse, they are rude, they don't thank the Umpire. Rude and rough as hell.

You say you live locally to the boarding school. Why only see them Sunday day? If you want them to stay boarding why not pick them up Friday evening?

Also why didn’t you want to stay at home with your kids whilst your husband worked aboard. You chose to travel with him over stability for them? They could have been day pupils? Your kids will know this whe. Older?