I've been in therapy over 15 years AMA

[Sofabodatgym]

Tho' not with the same therapist, or modality.

How much have you spent ? 😬
Was it a good use of your money?

If you’ve been going for 15 years why hasn’t it worked?

What exactly do you do in therapy? You tell them what's bothering you and what do they actually do? I've never really understood.

Why? How has it helped? Will you ever stop?

Clearly not working.

I've never sat down and worked it out. Obviously a lot over the years. Tho' some of it was low cost, and I began with group therapy which was a lot cheaper than individual.
There were some therapists who were not a good use of my money - no. But overall yes, it's been of use. It's been a choice, I've chosen therapy over the usual things like expensive holidays. I don't run a car, that probably is a similar price.

What I wanted from therapy initially, I think has worked. It's just that over the years, my goals have changed. I don't have close family, in fact the opposite. So for a long time I just needed to process my abusive/neglectful childhood so I could become a parent myself and break the cycle of abuse. At another point I needed help with career etc With health issues to manage throughout that are not visible so I've never been able to discuss them much in my general life

What are you tackling with therapy? Is it the same original issue?

Again this varies so much. When I was young, I didn't really understand either and was unfortunately a bit rant-y but then that was because I didn't say much in childhood, so it was all going on within and I'd never had much practice in how to express myself, process how I felt etc And I had a lot of anger that I wasn't dealing with

As I've gotten older, I'm more interested in having a conversation. In reflection. I tend to take just what's on my mind that week, there's always themes. There's always things that I'm trying to work out, whether I'm in therapy or not. I'd argue the posts on say - AIBU are just things people are trying to figure out.

How on earth can you afford therapy for that long? How much do you pay?

Have your therapists always behaved ethically?

Lots of people are in therapy indefinitely. You just make it work as an essential cost. Some people think alcohol or cigarettes are essentials and manage to afford them on a regular basis.

Why? Different reasons, at different stages.
Sometimes, it hasn't helped, and I've felt pathologised by the therapist. Sometimes the therapy wasn't helpful because it was just too old-fashioned and pathologising. But I think therapy is shifting and people are less likely to encounter or indeed tolerate that nowadays.
Mostly, though I think it's helped. It just took me years to figure out how to process how I felt. I think if I went back to my 20s, I'd certainly be diagnosed various things. Like I've said, I think it really helped me process enough childhood stuff to become a reasonable parent. And not repeat the abuse.
Will I stop? I'll take breaks. Maybe I'll completely stop. Maybe I'll need it as I age. I don't know. I still don't have a good support network. So that is a current reason I still have it but I know I need to build better friendships but they don't happen overnight.

Well I don't feel the need to write rude/sarcastic comments to everyone online I don't understand or agree with

No. Although, there are always links/themes. But issues manifest in different ways for all of us as we go through life

Me too.

Initially £20 a week for group therapy. Then it's varied from £40 - £70 a session. With some breaks. It's a choice. I actually currently don't have much spare money, so my current therapy is not weekly. Like I said, I would imagine most car payments/insurance is a similar (if not more) cost.

What "type" have you found to be the most effective?

Sadly, no.
But I'm going back a few years. One therapist was over-pathologising, I really don't think she liked me at all, but she didn't do anything outright unethical, I just should've ended it sooner.
But a male therapist did shout at me, and said a number of personal cruel things - I left obviously. I think he must've been going through something himself, I never reported him, partly I didn't want to go into it and partly I wondered how could I prove it, though he disappeared off the register about a year later.

For me, it's the person and the connection. Do they feel like they have my best interests? Do they say challenging stuff with care and tact? Are they interested in my aims? Hopefully not theirs.

Good for you but personally I could never. My personal view is it’s bollox and an American thing. They seem to be obsessed with pouring their every thought 🙄 Also Confidentiality means jack shit. Went once never again.

What type of therapy is it? Counselling? Psychotherapy? Behavioural therapy?

Is it the process you find helpful or is there a kind of therapy that you feel "works"?

Like I mean, it is the process or the results that are important?

(I feel like I'd benefit from some sort of therapy but when I've tried I haven't felt anything had changed and I don't know if that's just me or because I haven't found the right type!)

Psychotherapy - but I've had different types inc psychoanalytical, humanistic, body psychotherapy (which was mostly still talking) ....

Different things have been helpful at different points.

I think initially, I just really wanted someone to listen to me, I think I had various fantasies of being cured or fully understood. I usually did a lot of work in between sessions, be it reading or reflecting. So, I always got something from it, even if they'd said not much, I'd reflect. We don't get much feedback in life once we're out of childhood, and I got so little in childhood, that I just didn't have a strong sense of self. I think I really needed help in figuring out who I was and what I felt. But if you'd asked me in the beginning, I'd've just said that I want to feel better.

I'd suggest giving it another try. Find someone you like and who feels safe enough. Then give it some time, and give them feedback in the session, if it's not helping.