AMA Income over £500k

[AMAIncomeRelated]

Following the thread on the disadvantages of earning just over £50k, it got me thinking that if some people think that is a huge amount to earn, what do they think of my life.

We live in North London. Husband earns a lot, over £500k most years. We live in a big house, with a huge mortgage, 3 children at private school, 3 dogs, own a ski chalet which is let out as well as for our use. I don't work, I did try a part time job 5 years ago and whilst I loved it, it cause too much stress at home because my husband is used to me doing everything.

We obviously live very comfortably, but also there are lots of things we'd like to do but can't afford the big projects at the moment. My husbands job is very stressful.

AMA. I am absolutely not gloating, I know only too well how fortunate we are.

Entirely genuine question here, OP: Why do you put yourself the stress of the high mortgage?

Why didn’t you just buy a smaller but still comfortable family home and overpay until it was mortgage free? Or buy mortgage-free outright with your savings/bonuses?

I feel that the satisfaction and freedom of being mortgage-free is worth so much more than having a big/shiny house in a posh area.

It seems like that is your main worry (lying awake at night etc), so why do it to yourself?

I always say that we aren’t going to keep buying more and more expensive houses as salary goes up, because I would value the freedom of having lower mortgage payments and being mortgage-free sooner so much. But then I am nowhere near that high of an earner, so it intrigues me what makes people decide to keep upgrading and upgrading.

My household income is more than OPs and yes I would be honored to be friends with you. You sound lovely. Me and husband wouldn’t dream of looking down on anyone let alone trained healthcare professionals.

@PlatinumGold ive been reading this thread with interest. Not so much the responses (as my family had a 500k+ gross income last year too. No ski chalet but a gardener and a cleaner 2 x a week!) but the questions.

I would absolutely not look down on an nhs nurse, it’s just that we don’t often meet any. As none of our neighbours or friends from uni or work or the (private) school gates are nurses . Though I suppose the school nurse has her daughter at the private school via a massively discounted staff place; she’s nhs-trained and very popular with the other mums!

in response to some of the other q’s from other posters. Even the top London day schools aren’t more than £25k a year. £50k is for boarding school.

Earning that kind of salary and yet still having a "huge mortgage" in you 40's seems a bit odd. How did you manage to get yourselves into that kind of situation ?
Do you also have extra debt on the ski chalet?

We also have a huge mortgage: say, the bank will lend you £1m + so you can end up with a £3m house with £1m debt - if fixed (like we did) at 2% interest it is good leverage and good loan to value ratio. But on paper it looks horrific. We can meet the monthly payments comfortably and have top notch redundancy/critical illness/ life insurance and know that we may simply have to sell the house if push came to shove.

I am interested and am enjoying the thread, so thank you.

You must live quite frugally if £3k has to cover everything except mortgage and school fees. Council tax, holidays, cars, utility bills to name only a few. Doesn't sound like you can really afford private school.

men are always fair until they want a divorce….

That’s an interesting question. I have a friend who by the sounds of the OP’s post is significantly richer than the OP. And I am in a similar job and on similar pay to a nurse. So my friend has always been significantly richer than me, though probably wasn’t as rich as what she is now when we first got to know each other. We met as the kids were at the same (state) school. Which in itself is probably unusual for someone with her wealth, but not everyone believes in private education.

I guess the thing is that a lot of the time people so wealthy wouldn’t mix with more normal people because they just might not come across them in day to day life. My friend is happy going to cheap restaurants for a meal. But if she wanted to go to michilin starred ones, etc I wouldn’t be able to afford it. So would most people find friends with a similar income so they can enjoy nice stuff together? I don’t know her well enough to go on holiday with her but her last holiday cost 80k for two weeks (for her alone). Again I couldn’t be the sort of friend who would go on holiday with her.

I’m afraid this is true. Very clever businessmen who can pay for top legal and financial advice are also very clever at hiding assets in divorce. I know someone whose ex husband earns over £500k and he doesn’t pay one penny in child support ( not does he have his kids even one night a year ).

She didn’t get anything when they divorced either as he had moved all his assets abroad and into his family members names.

We have this issue at the moment.

We have realised that our daughter is completely unaware, she’s a total sweetheart with the kindest heart but she really does not realise how lucky she is, and we don’t really know how to make her understand.

She’s only ever been to private school, her friends mostly go to private school (all do really), she owns ponies and a lot of her friends own ponies, she goes on lovely holidays (her friends also do).

We have always involved her in charity work, donations for those struggling at Christmas, preparing and delivering hampers etc and her school is excellent for doing community initiatives too but she doesn’t really KNOW because her circle are all like her. Popping off to Dubai in half term, skiing over NY etc are all just ‘normal’.

My husband and I worked ( and still work) really hard to give her a wonderful life but we didn’t anticipate this (stupidly I suppose) because we grew up and had to do it all ourselves and very much do appreciate what we have. On reflection, how could she possibly really know when kids only know what they’ve experienced…

@PlatinumGold I have a pretty similar annual/monthly income as OP, just not the same bonus (and it’s me rather than DH who earns it).

Yes, I would absolutely be friends with you. Actually I would worry that you wouldn’t want to be friends with me and that you would look down on me because my job is “chasing the money” and not a vocation. This worry has probably cost me a few potential friendships.

But also, you really wouldn’t know how much I earn unless I told you. My clothes are as likely to be Tu or George as anything else (unless for work). Car is a typical “company car” type lease. I go to the council-run gym (it’s the closest one to us). I just don’t spend money on expensive things other than the mortgage and the school fees. Even the house isn’t flash, it’s a reasonable size house in a nicer than average area, but nothing eye-opening. We spend about £2k per year on holidays.

Apart from a few friends from work that earn the same as me, most of my friends are in jobs where I assume they earn average wages.

Did you both go to uni and if so what did you study?

You think it is true that EVERY SINGLE SAHM ends up penniless and homeless? Give over.

I think all sensible posts should be removed 😂

This thread is to find out how much OP spends on a bra and a haircut, not to discuss issues around her hypothetical divorce 😂

Would you not prefer a smaller house and mortgage and more disposable income
?

Is it really worth it with all the time you sacrifice together?

Do you feel rich?

Perhaps in your rarified circles, my friends

@AMAIncomeRelated so only things related to your children then. Being a school governor is not charity work it is an exercise in power.
I meant do you give money to people or animals in need?
I have given years as a volunteer to a charity but also pay monthly to support the causes I can.
If I had a tenth of your income I would give much more.

What's the most you'd spend on;
a bottle of wine/whisky,
a bra
a haircut
a joint of meat?

@sansol surprisingly, my children have needed me most as teenagers. I’ve always been a SAHP.

can I please borrow some money to buy cookies?

I have friends who leverage their mortgage. We're lucky to own a couple of properties which are mortgage-free, and a few people have asked why we don't leverage them in the same way. There are two reasons. The first is that we don't want to be in debt - I spent a large period of my life substantially in debt, it really did keep me awake at night and in a constant state of panic and I never, ever, ever want to be there again. The second is that low mortgage rates are not a given and house prices don't always go up. It's all very well to say you can downsize if you need to, but actually that really depends on why things have gone wrong and what's happening with the housing market. Even if everything's OK with the market and your reasons for selling are purely personal it can take months to find a buyer and months to complete on the sale.

@NameChangeAgain0224 Hah, especially when the issue of disclosure comes up and there is a mistress or two lurking…tale as old as time, but in my experience, usually both parties want the divorce over with so will settle as swiftly as possible and not play games. They will also try and preserve the family wealth, so realise acrimonious divorce serves no one

In fairness to the OP, I think she is asking those who are hit by COL, what it’s like not having to worry about anything.

Do you ever resent the fact that you give up your job, even though you appeared to have higher potential than him initially?

Do you miss your career?

Do you ever feel taken for granted in terms of taking care of the children and house?

Do you feel you would be extremely vulnerable in a divorce or even wonder if he values you much as "career" women?

For what it's worth, I couldn't do what you do (can't have children anyway) and admire the self sacrifice you've made once it's something that truely makes you happy.

Do you think your husband will have regrets about missing out on your children? Missed plays, sports etc?