AMA Income over £500k

[AMAIncomeRelated]

Following the thread on the disadvantages of earning just over £50k, it got me thinking that if some people think that is a huge amount to earn, what do they think of my life.

We live in North London. Husband earns a lot, over £500k most years. We live in a big house, with a huge mortgage, 3 children at private school, 3 dogs, own a ski chalet which is let out as well as for our use. I don't work, I did try a part time job 5 years ago and whilst I loved it, it cause too much stress at home because my husband is used to me doing everything.

We obviously live very comfortably, but also there are lots of things we'd like to do but can't afford the big projects at the moment. My husbands job is very stressful.

AMA. I am absolutely not gloating, I know only too well how fortunate we are.

My post wasn't about the OP - just a general observation that you CAN outsource a lot of parenting if your children are boarders.

I don’t think the parents of boarders outsource parenting. I think those children are forced to be more independent than they are ready to be. Why anyone would choose that if they could afford to be a SAHP is completely beyond me. Maybe they never wanted children in the first place?

Silly question but why can’t bother parents having a bit of both?

What an incredibly judgmental thing to say.
It is comments like this that force women to stay at home and give up careers they like, because they are guilt tripped into how miserable an experience their children are having.
At the very least: point out mire clearly that the dad could be doing some of the staying at home too.

Many parents have no option but to use full time wraparound childcare, that's the sad state of affairs in a capitalist society that doesn't really give a shit about vulnerable people (children being the most vulnerable). But if you do have the option not to, I have to say I can't see why you'd choose to. I can't see that anyone could sit there honestly and say they believe it is better for their child to be at breakfast club, school and then after school club 5 days a week from 7.30 until 6.30. It's just that some people have no other choice. Which is fucking awful imo.

Have you difficulty with comprehension? The thread is about people who have the choice and are willing to stay at home like the OP who is being talked down to because a) she puts her children first to ensure they have the best childhood possible b) she can afford to (unlike most on this thread) who are bitterly insisting that they wouldn't be stupid enough to do as she did.

Have you also happily decided to ignore the line where it says 'one of the parents' ???

I have happily decided to acknowledge that yes it says parent but to say it actually isn’t clear enough for me that its not just a dig at the mom.

Also I’m not entirely sure why you would think I had any difficulty with comprehension. It’s unnecessarily offensive and inaccurate.

Let me explain better what my problem is with that post:
Its not about their own choices they make (which would be fine) but I find it very judgmental to say about other people’s children what a “miserable existence” they are having.
I am pointing out that yes, absolutely do spend time with your children as much as you can.
But be more careful with phrasing your words because the way you say it is more likely to be impacting mums rather than dads with feelings of guilt.
You may not mean it bad, so that’s exactly why I’m pointing out the harm it causes.

I have happily decided to acknowledge that yes it says parent but to say it actually isn’t clear enough for me that its not just a dig at the mom

If you need help understanding or deciphering English, try re-reading it slowly. A dictionary can help too.

I disagree. I was one of those kids who rarely ever was at home before 6 in primary school.
I clearly remember the immense pride I felt for my mum working something “important” being educated and smart.
I absolutely didn’t mind at all.
Obviously it does depend on the quality of the wraparound care and the other children attending.
If you are just sitting there waiting to be picked up, it’s boring.
If there’s a fun activity with other children, it can be fulfilling and bonding.
Much rather than sitting at home with an adult for hours a day, who is on their phone half the time.

Later, when I could walk myself home, I did, and saw my parents in the evening.
It meant an hour or so of time with friends after school, or extracurricular activities then heading home, doing homework before parents get home.

I do not know why this is such a miserable existence.

You are still missing the point.

I'm at home with my son and I assure you I am not on the phone for hours every day.

My mum worked all the time because she had to, but I missed her all the time she wasn't there.

You know what? I re-read and your post says that the kids are dropped off at 7:30 pm.
J had a good laugh. Thanks.

You were ok on on your own OneSpunkySnake but tbh you didn't know any different. You didn't know what you were missing. The OP's kids have a completely different upbringing because she is very lucky to be in the position to be able to afford to make the decision to put their happiness first.

A typo really? That is the best reply to a discussion you can come up with. Okay..... it isn't worth discussing anything further with you. You're not capable of seeing things from a different point of view. Somehow I think the OP's kids will be very different when they're your age. I wonder why.

The OP does what she wants. The OP seems to know very well what she’s doing, and it seems to be working pretty well for them.

You do what you want and what you think is best for you and your situation.
But don’t try to raise the children if others around you. Don’t say things like “they have a miserable existence “.
Don’t try to assume what is best for them.
Don’t be judgmental about situations you don’t know.

I can very well imagine that it CAN be good too if a parent stays at home and entertains.
But it needn’t always be and not in all situations.
You seem to assume that your opinion is universally true.
I gave you an example when it doesn’t apply.

I didn’t just “not know any better”.
I felt pride, a sense of freedom,

What counts more, is to be present in the moment when you are there in my opinion.

People were wealthy under the previous Labour governments and same will continue when Labour comes in because the UK (like all countries) needs all spectrum of society to function. And Labour leadership - all governments value tax revenue from high earners so they will be courting them.

That’s ok.
my goal wasn’t primarily to convince you but to not leave your statement unaddressed because there might be someone here reading it whom it might hurt.
And for that woman out there, already struggling with mom guilt all the time for the smallest little things she allows herself, I wanted to offer an alternative opinion to your statement.

Honey, my dh earns triple your dh's salary, so please stop with the bragging unless your dh earns twice that amount

Your comment reminded me of Aunt Lydia from the Handmaid’s Tale.

Under His Eye.

@SoIhavenamechangedBF

Honey, my dh earns triple your dh's salary, so please stop with the bragging unless your dh earns twice that amount

Oh the irony 🥱🤦🏻‍♀️

Just sitting here thinking where did I go wrong in life when there are people out there just merrily earning 1,2, even 3 mil a year and not even thinking it’s a big deal! 😂 And I’m trying to survive on Universal Credit, not had a holiday in several years, never go anywhere, buy the cheapest possible clothes and don’t have a hope in hell of ever owning a home or even a car. 0 in savings and can’t afford to put the heating on most days.

And my health is screwed so can’t see it getting any better. If you are a high earner please know how you’ve hit the jackpot and along with yours or your partners hard work you’ve also had: opportunity, good luck (whatever that means in reality), and motivation. Not all of us have those things and life can seem very shit and depressing some days.

I honestly think lots of people have kids because ‘that’s what everyone does’ then when reality bites and they realise to be a hands on parent means giving up stuff that you might want to do very frequently and putting someone else’s needs way before your own, they think fuck that. I’m back to work full time, someone else can deal with the majority of this. Being around my kid all day is actually boring. I’m losing my mind. I want a career. I want this and that. Just every reason not to be with your young child during the day and all the reasons start with I.
Hear it time and time again.
The best one is ‘my child loves being at nursery / wrap around care from 7:00-7pm 5 days a week. Yes, keep telling yourself that.
Its the kid that suffers, even if they seem ‘fine’

Surely whatever your home situation is you can make the best of it and can ensure your kids are happy. I didn't work (I actually couldn't as we were overseas and I wasn't allowed to) so my kids had the kind of lifestyle where I was about a lot. As adults they say they couldn't imagine it any other way and they all say they had happy childhoods but had I been in the UK and worked then there would have been other advantages. I'm sure they would have been proud of me for working. I know I would have been happy working too.

It's all horses for courses surely. Every family is different.

It the same with separated parents. Some kids seem messed up by it and other seem perfectly happy.

I honestly don't understand why so many posters are so unpleasant and opinionated.