AMA Income over £500k

[AMAIncomeRelated]

Following the thread on the disadvantages of earning just over £50k, it got me thinking that if some people think that is a huge amount to earn, what do they think of my life.

We live in North London. Husband earns a lot, over £500k most years. We live in a big house, with a huge mortgage, 3 children at private school, 3 dogs, own a ski chalet which is let out as well as for our use. I don't work, I did try a part time job 5 years ago and whilst I loved it, it cause too much stress at home because my husband is used to me doing everything.

We obviously live very comfortably, but also there are lots of things we'd like to do but can't afford the big projects at the moment. My husbands job is very stressful.

AMA. I am absolutely not gloating, I know only too well how fortunate we are.

I always find it surprising to hear that people feel like this - but I suppose we are all different. I gave up a reasonably well paid job when we had our daughter and was a stay at home mother until she was in Year 4, and then went back very part time. I was able to find a job that was based from home, term time only, and where I had to go to evening meetings, which was ideal as my husband was able to get home to look after her when I had to leave. We were very short of money during the years I was at home and it was very difficult to manage at times - we went without holidays, new cars, eating out etc and had to watch every penny. I was completely dependent on my husband financially which didn't bother either of us. As well as looking after my daughter, I did all the housework, cooking, decorating, and gardening, and I loved every second of it. I think spending the first five years of my daughters life with her was a huge benefit to her, and to me. I only went back to work because we had a bit of a financial crisis and needed some extra income, but even then, I would never have felt that earning more money was worth having someone else picking my daughter up after school. I knew a lot of other stay at home mums at the time and I think we all felt we had very fulfilling lives.

OP I have a question that's really important to me.
Since you're anonymous, please answer this completely honestly, and don't answer with what you think you should say to save people's feelings.
Honestly, truly.....would you be friends with me if you liked my personality? I'm kind, warm-hearted, I have a gentleness about me, but I'm also funny, quick witted and I make people laugh with my observational humour. I'm intelligent. I've got high levels of emotional intelligence and I have a radar at being able to instantly detect if someone is not feeling ok, if there is a problem, or if a situation is not ok. I must be good at giving advice as lots of friends and colleagues turn to me for advice. But my income is pitiful. I'm a trained NHS nurse, and whilst I love the job I do in terms of nursing patients, the salary I earn is appalling to the point that it affects my self worth.
So would you be friends with me, as a low earning nurse, if you liked me as a person?
Do wealthy people look down on trained nurses? I've always wondered that.
Or would you think that no matter how much you liked me, in reality we could never actually be friends because I can't go with you to the restaurants you dine in, I could never afford to. And I could never go skiing with you because I can't afford a holiday overseas and could never afford all the ski equipment. And if you came for coffee at my house you'd be sitting in a tiny terraced house where the kitchen, lounge and dining area is just one small open plan room.
Would any of this matter to a friendship with me?
Would you look down on me?
Would your husband look down on me?

Will you give me £10000?

(you did say AMA 😂)

and I’m joking

More to the point, what's the net monthly income compared to the total monthly outgoings? Also, what is your total capital, including equity in your two properties?

With a huge mortgage, three dc in private schools and lack of job security, are alarm bells ringing for you?

Not a question but I have an identical situation (household income, husband earns and I am a housewife, I only have 1 child though, 6 bedroom house, mid forties ) and you are the only other person on a high household income I’ve heard of who cleans their own home.

I had some school mums over for a casual play date and some of them were gobsmacked I cleaned my own home 🤣.

I always wonder about the children that grow up wealthy. Like, do they know they're wealthy and it's not the normal for most people or is it because you probably have social circles who are similar so they aren't exposed to different lifestyles yet?

What does AMA mean??

You sound lovely x
and your job is much more valuable than mine or my husbands

What would be a life-changing amount of money for you to win on the lottery?

I know you didn’t ask me !

Why is your mortgage so high? It’s nearly 50% of your husband’s income. If your husband earns so much, why didn’t you put down a larger deposit and reduce your monthly mortgage (and interest) payments?

Maybe she likes being at home with her children in the morning and afternoon rather than putting them in unnecessary childcare?

A crazy concept I know!

I don't think you have mentioned what his job actually is?

I can’t answer for the OP, my husband earns a lot more than the OPs.

I would not look down on anyone’s job nor their house. We both would never judge my husband’s best friend is the boy he went to primary school with, their lives are completely different.

Do your children have careers goals and ideas now?
Will you ever go back to work?
Do you plan to stay in the house forever?
How long left on your mortgage?

Where did you go this year, considering there was pretty much one major week of snowfall this year?

So he doesn't parent at all and has no input into the lives of his children. Are you happy with that?

Aww, then. Not sensible for women to protect themselves? You do it your way.
You're not very aware, are you? Never mind.

do you actually feel financially no worries/comfortable sending 3 kids to private school? I would’ve thought that 3 private schools (if we’re talking fancy public types) would actually still be a stretch on £500k in London (insane I know) - given some of them are £50k a year, so that alone could be nearly half your husbands take home income

What will your income be when your husband retires?

What provisions/plans have you got for your kids? Eg some high earners I know are planning to be able to buy all their children their first home when they are in their 20s, support them without loans through university etc.

Is your husband happy and enjoying his work, m do you worry about him getting burnt out with the hours?

how crazy do you go at Christmas and birthday’s for kids etc?

do you have family coming to you for money often?

sorry a lot of q’s!

OP explained that she was on a similar career path and earning more than her husband. They chose for one parent to not work and look after children. This is quite common and valid.

Also, they are married, so in the eyes of the law their finances are joint, not his and hers.

so you used to earn more than him. What industries do/did you both work in? Why was yours seen as less worthwhile? Any career advice for people just starting out? Have you ever considered leaving London?

@Nightowl1234 It's a good question but high earners I know see a high mortgage as very worthwhile debt as it is generally earning money if you buy a house that will appreciate. More like using debt to grow wealth than to slowly buy a home. When you are a high earner it's all about making your balance sheet as profitable and efficient as possible. But keen to know OP's experience and answer.

I find the thread interesting. I don’t generally mix with ‘rich’ people. Nearly everyone I know works in a school. A wealthy London lifestyle fascinates me. Op’s life doesn’t sound anything like Made in Chelsea or the Kardashians.