I’m a lesbian - AMA

[Gisty]

no idea if this will generate loads of questions or none, but go ahead

Do you believe a Trans Woman can be a lesbian?

If you've been in relationships with men in the past, do you find women easier or harder relationship-wise? (I'm bi and have often wondered about this.)

I don’t really know, it’s a very difficult highly politicised question and I’m not the lesbian police. Perhaps the answer differs from case to case.

If a trans woman who has lived / presented as a woman for a good long while and who seems to just want to crack on with her life as a woman likes women and wants to be called a by female pronouns and call herself a lesbian then personally that doesn’t bother me. I probably wouldn’t want to date her, but I haven’t met loads of trans women so never say never. If someone wants to be called a lesbian to somehow prove a point or because it’s the ultimate way of being accepted as a women and or they have issues with women not wanting to date them, then no I wouldn’t say they were a lesbian, I’d say they were an irritating so and so.

I think being gay / bi is about loving or wanting sex with people of the same sex as you and being trans is about when your body doesn't match the way you feel (as I understand it)

I will call a trans woman or man by the name and pronouns they want out of politeness / respect and I wish them well and think they deserve support and rights. But to me they are different groups with different needs and rights and we would all be better served if the two issues were decoupled and had different advocates, laws, funding, charities etc.

I’m also a bit fed up of lesbians / bi women being used by straight people / trans people who have no other interest in supporting us as a way to win or prove a point in their argument. We’re about more than just this issue

I’m also a bit fed up of lesbians / bi women being used by straight people / trans people who have no other interest in supporting us as a way to win or prove a point in their argument. We’re about more than just this issue

I am not doing that 😊. It is genuinely the first question that occurred to me as I follow multiple GC lesbian women on Twitter and count some as friends in RL - who categorically do NOT believe TWAW. Thanks for your thoughtful response. I’ll read it properly and think it over later as I am just about to do the college run.

Fair enough 😊

My own personal view is that the whole - TWAW or not, WHOSE SIDE ARE YOU ON TELL ME NOW SO I CAN DECIDE WHETHER TO DISLIKE YOU OR NOT question, reduces a complex, nuanced issue with potential to upset people on all sides to an overly simple binary yes or no issue. And it’s childish. It also gives crappy politicians who have done nothing material for women or trans people a way of winning votes / minds by saying a few words without having to do anything or spend anything. Women (and trans women and men and LGB people) should be demanding actions and money from politicians, charities and legal bodies, not empty words. Actions not semantics should be defining this discussion.

My take on it is that it’s valuable when gathering data and writing policy to say trans women are trans women and trans men are trans men, not least because trans people have some distinct health, support and policy needs and challenges that are different to those faced by non trans men / women and it’s important to know who is who and how many, so these needs can be understood and met properly.

I’d probably say trans women are trans women, aka they aren’t men (not least because insisting they are is just unkind) but neither are they biologically women.

I don’t think I’ve been with enough men or women to make a big judgement. In my limited experience women are perhaps a bit more complex, but also a bit more rewarding? More effort but you get more out of it if that makes sense.

I certainly feel a bit safer dating women, though I’ve now been firmly coupled up with my wife for ten years so am well and truly off the scene and thankful to be. It looks tough out there.

What do you think @EverythingYouDoIsaBalloon?

Just seen that you’re married so this is very much a hypothetical, but would you have any hesitation about dating someone bi/feel a preference for someone who identifies as lesbian?

How linked do you feel gay men’s issues are with lesbian’s ditto these days?

Do you have a stereotypical butch/femme relationship, and if not do you find that people always try to work out who is The Man of your couple? 😏

This is the thread I needed to see as I'm in my first relationship with a woman. We both consider ourselves bi as we've been married and have children but I now actually wonder if I'm a lesbian as I've never been happy in relationships with men and feel amazing with her! Have you always known that you prefer women?

I'm fairly confident about coming out to my friends when I'm ready, but really nervous about how my family (parents and adult DC) will take the news. Do you have any advice on how best to go about it?

Uh oh, OP. I hope you're prepared for the "why do you think we care?" posters.

Personally no, because I have dated men in the past and considered myself bi at the time. But there is unfortunately a lot of biphobia out there still, from both straight people (men fetishise you or people assume bi = slutty or polly) and lesbians (some assume you’ll cheat or leave them for a man or are just dabbling).

From my experience and the experience of friends many lesbians will take you more seriously as a prospect once you’ve got at least one relationship with a woman under your belt.

What advice would you give to a woman in her 30s who's afraid to come out because they only know hetero people?

No. We both lean towards the femme, but not in an Uber femme girly pin up sort of way. We’re both generally assumed to be straight. Long hair, jeans, nice jumpers, trendy hiking boots, midi dresses - that sort of thing.

Some butch women do look great, and very sexy in a dapper, confident, sleek sort of way but personally I’ve always been into pretty head girl types. Wife looks like Rachel Weisz’s slightly more everyday cousin, I’m very lucky

As you’ve dated men ; would you say you liked “ a type”. How does that translate into women.
I only ask because my friend always really fancied tall muscly tattooed guys. Jason Mamoa being a prime example. She’s now in a 3 year relationship with a tiny blond woman who is much younger!

I am slightly puzzled by this thread. No-one would start one that said "I am heterosexual - AMA." I do not feel the urge to nose into the sexuality of anyone at all - why would people want to ask you anything?

I am a human being - AMA.

I hope you take this comment in the way it's meant which is positively.

I genuinely have been thinking since I saw the thread earlier of what question I could have for someone who is a lesbian, as opposed to any other sexuality.

Sexuality isn't a choice. I'm straight, I just am. No idea why I'm straight as opposed to gay. It's just what I'm attracted to. I assume it's the same for everyone. There's no choice it attraction. It just is.

Do people still judge or care or discriminate? And if they do, are they not just a small minority of assholes that judge colour, race, religion, sex, class, or any other short of difference?

Do you like dildos ? Genuine question. Are you still interested in having the feeling of cock inside you ?

I’m also confused by this thread, being gay isn’t unusual, it’s as normal as being a brunette. I really don’t understand why the need to post this.

its time being gay isn’t treated like something out of the ordinary.

@gowiththefloifonly is that really a genuine question? If so why phrase it like that?

Yeah that question reads like it'll be followed up with unsolicited dick pics in OP's inbox.

What was your experience coming out to your friends and family? Did you know from a young age that you liked women?

Most people are heterosexual, though. We see heterosexuality absolutely everywhere. So, yeah, who would start such an AMA, because what even would there be to ask a heterosexual person about their sexual orientation? It's shoved in our faces all the time; there's nothing we need to ask you about it.

AMA is so people can ask about things they haven’t experience of. They don’t have to be controversial things?
I have no idea what it’s like to be black, religious, male, Japanese or in the army. Loads of people are though so it good to ask them.

Do people still judge or discriminate? Hmm. You definitely are straight, aren't you!

Yeah. People are still judged and discriminated against because of their sexual orientation. Do you not have any LGB friends or acquaintances? Or have you never read or heard about discrimination against LGB people, not in the distant past, but recently?

Do you also wander onto threads about racism and say the same kind of thing? Are you one of those "I don't see colour" people?