I went to boarding school when I was 7, ama

[Puffykins]

In response to the many threads I have seen that seem to presume that anyone who went to boarding school so young would be psychologically damaged - I'm not (I don't think!), and have a good relationship with my parents, my husband, a successful career etc. And, although I missed my parents, I also loved school.

@Tr1skel1on sizes varied the whole way through. But I did love having my own room once I was finally in the upper sixth.

@CocoC I so know what you mean - I used to love those conversations. But you can't miss what you didn't have and even before I went to boarding school it wasn't my mother who did the school run but a nanny. I have a really close relationship with my mother now though - and actually she's the person I call every time I miss DD and I now understand the sacrifice that she made to make sure I could read and write, and to give me some continuity in my life.

@Tr1skel1on do you feel that the school didn't give you the support you needed?

@Puffykins I felt very supported at the time, I knew nothing else and I was reasonably happy.

It's little things, I had fairly major dental surgery age 10, due to an accident. By the time the school managed to get hold of my parents it was 2 weeks later. Nothing against the school, or my parents, it's.just how things were.

But it made me realise, end of Y5, I was absolutely on my own

I now understand the sacrifice that she made to make sure I could read and write, and to give me some continuity in my life.
Why on Earth do you feel that you wouldn’t be literate if you hadn’t boarded?

Have you ever asked your mother if she regretted sending you? Could she answer honestly an£ have you ever been able to?

But it made me realise, end of Y5, I was absolutely on my own
This is how I feel. Dh once told me that you know you are grown up when you realise if you can’t, no one will. Some have to learn that in primary school.

@TomeTome because we were moving so often, internationally, that my day schools pre the age of 7 were in different languages. Day school literally wasn't an option. I could read and write because my mother had taught me the rudiments - but I got a better education at boarding school. Not because it was boarding school, but because it was school, and continuous, and in the same language. My mother is sad that I went because she missed me, but she doesn't regret sending me.

@Tr1skel1on I totally get that.

Totally get this. Same for me

It sounds like a very sad childhood

Surely the answer is for your mum to stay put with you and your father to be long distance, or them to get a more family friendly job (even if it paid a lot less) rather than sending your away so young?

Personally, I'd rather live a much poorer and frugal lifestyle and my child be both near me and have continuity of education.

I'm guessing your parents were very wealthy?

@FirstTimeNameChanger it really wasn't! It was genuinely quite Enid Blyton-y with ponies and tree climbing and swimming, and endlessly making up and putting on plays, and I 100% went home in the holidays and that was wonderful.

@Puffykins do you want to answer this or shall I?!?!

Most people teach their children to read, and most expats even in the 70s/80s managed to keep their children with them. It’s a good story to tell your children and yourself but I don’t think it really hangs together. I think it’s hard for those of us that lived it to see clearly, after all we felt it and saw our parents feel it too. Truthfully boarding school is no different than term time foster care in a group home and extracurricular music and sport are available to day children should their parents wish to facilitate it and don’t in anyway make up for the damage so many experience as a result of being removed from home too young.

@Sosadsolangafter no actually my parents aren't especially wealthy. My fees were paid because of my father's job. Both my parents had been to boarding school before me incidentally, so they didn't see it as an unusual situation, just as I don't - though I realise that it's unusual in that such a small percentage of the population attend one.

That's good. I'm glad you had a happy childhood. I can't imagine it. My 7 year old still calls for me in the night sometimes because he is scared. I go in and tell him there is nothing to be scared of and he goes back to sleep. Who does that for young children in boarding school? To me, that is parenting and young kids need that. I'm sorry, I don't want to say anything that seems judgemental as you've made the same choice for your child. It's just hard to get your head around

@Tr1skel1on you can totally answer too!

I think it’s unlikely that you and your parents all went to boarding school at young ages and emerged wholly unscathed.

Could your mother not stay in England for four more years to secondary?

@FirstTimeNameChanger thank you for the lack of judgement! So, if a child wakes in the night, there are 1.) their peers and 2.) very kind matrons. DD is fine at night though, and has been for ages - I really would not have allowed her to go had that not been the case.

Do you think your parents would have sent you to boarding school if they had both had jobs in one country, and in particular at 7?

I went to boarding school at 8. I enjoyed it but wouldn't send my own kids to boarding school, I don't think it's healthy for children to live apart from their family at such a young age and also find it a bit sad.

What do you the k of all of the posters on here against boarding schools? I loved boarding school! And 30 years later my school friends are still like family. But people on here just don't believe you if you say you loved it!

I think if you were already being cared for by a nanny in between multiple schools in a foreign language then it’s not really surprising that you found boarding school better. I think that was a choice your parents made though, because it sounds like your mother was never your primary carer.

Do you feel judged for sending your child to boarding school? Again, trying not to sound judgemental, but it is inconceivable for most parents. Is it the norm in your social circle?

@Tailfeather that's partly why I wanted to do an AMA! I'm glad to hear that you loved it too. I had hoped to be able to put paid to some preconceptions, but I'm not sure I'm going to succeed. @LittleBearPad I can assure you that my parents and I are all fine - really truly.