I went to boarding school when I was 7, ama

[Puffykins]

In response to the many threads I have seen that seem to presume that anyone who went to boarding school so young would be psychologically damaged - I'm not (I don't think!), and have a good relationship with my parents, my husband, a successful career etc. And, although I missed my parents, I also loved school.

Was it Stonar? I went there too from age 9

Did you stay at the same school? Are you friends still with anyone from your time there?

@Tr1skel1on no! But it did have ponies, like Stonar.

I’m assuming you’re female, so how were periods managed ? Who told you, where did you get ST’s from ?

@LeafHunter I stayed until I was 12, then went to a different one. And yes, I still have lots of friends from there.

If you have or ever have DC would you consider sending them to a boarding school?

@DustyLee123 I didn't get my period til I was at the second one; my mother/ science teacher at my prep school told me what to expect etc. in terms of pads/ tampons there was an excellently stocked drawer and we could help ourselves. (Actually, better than at home, as my mother used to forget to buy stuff.)

Was it Hanford?

Were you excited or scared at first, or a mixture of both?
Did you argue and make up with other boarders the way siblings argue at home?

@FuzzyPenguin DD is at boarding school now, but she's 10, and has literally only just started. I miss her SO much but she is having a great time, I speak to her every day, and she comes home Friday - Monday every other weekend plus halfterm and holidays etc. She is doing a lot more sport and a lot more art and music than she did at her primary school, and is having three one-to-one specialist dyslexia lessons a week.

@IlIlI I was terrified and excited at once. We did argue - a bit like siblings maybe (though also there was maybe greater tolerance shown)- certainly we became very close and that's something that has lasted forever.

For me, not OP but at boarding school from Y5 until after A levels. You have to work everything out yourself, from periods and making sure you have 3 months worth of what you need at the start of term. I had no choice in my schooling due to my parents working abroad. I am incredibly independent and self reliant, my DH would say too much. I have 2 teenagers, half of me loves mollycoddling them, because I never had it. The other half of me despairs at how useless they are without parental input.

Wow! If you want an honest response straight from the heart, quite surprised how much I've just shared

Do you feel the staff at the boarding school minimized how much children missed their parents / carers?

Also, i'm sure there were people you got on with, but what was it like living with people you disliked, for example bullies?

@Tr1skel1on I'm very self-reliant too - it's served me well in my career, and it's something that I'm really trying to teach my DC. (DS, who is older than DD, has not gone/ will not go to boarding school. He had childhood leukaemia and still has checkups etc., he's also got ADHD which was exacerbated by the chemo - his self-organisation is dreadful and I think he'd flounder if he boarded - DD is naturally very efficient and also she wanted to go.)

Thank you for doing this ama !

Id love to know of your peers who began boarding at 7, roughly what percentage now struggle with adult life in terms of relationships/raising kids/mental health etc?

And it sounds like you had a mainly positive time so I’d love to hear more about why You chose to wait until 10 for your own dd rather than sending her at 7.

In my experience didn't minimise it, but there's only so much you can do with late 80s telecommunications and your parents on the far side of the world. It's really tough but you have no option but to get on with it.

@Puffykins thanks for answering, sounds like it’s an amazing experience for your DD and I like the fact they offer extra support if needed.

Why were you sent to boarding school?

@Whinge that's a really good question - I think sometimes it can be minimised a bit because no one wants anyone to be upset - that said it's hugely different now. We did not have access to phones - I speak to DD every day. She says she misses me but also she's having so much fun and is so busy that she doesn't have much time to think about it.

Re bullies and getting on with people you don't like; it was a small school, and any bullying would have been squashed, fast. But of course there were children I didn't like, or had nothing in common with, or who didn't like me - you learn to rub along. Even if they're in the bed next to you every night and the way that they breathe drives you almost to distraction. Another vital life skill for the the workplace.....

@Ginger1982 my father's job meant that we moved internationally every year or so.

I have to be honest, I've had some mental health struggles related to being sent away age 9. I know due to my parents work I had no other option, but having 2 teenagers now doing a level's and GCSEs I realise how much family support I missed out on for 9 years

@Namechange224422 it wasn't necessary for DD to go so young - she was at an excellent primary. Then we moved and, well, the next school wasn't giving her what she needed, and what I knew she could get at the boarding school she is at. She wouldn't have been ready at 7, either - DS was still having cancer treatment - I would never have sent her away from something like that. I felt that everything had to be settled at home in order for her to feel secure enough to leave. Also, while when I was 7 lots of other 7 year olds boarded, it's far, far fewer now - she would have been one of about 3 (and what if you don't like the other 2?) Now, aged 10, there are about 20 full boarders in her year.

@Puffykins how big were your dorms? I hated 8 people dorms but once it was 2 or 3 people for 6th form it was ok

Do you not feel you missed out on lots of conversations about things with your parents (especially mother). My daughters and I have some of our best conversations when we are in the car on the way to my dropping them at their various activities. Or also when I tuck them up in bed (they are 8 and 10). That's when all their little worries or problems of the day come tumbling out.
I can well imagine boarding school makes you resilient. But for me, looking back at my childhood and teenage years, one of the most important times of the day was coming back from school and unpicking the day with my mum and my sister. There were also years I didn't love school, or the people in it, and it was such a relief to be able to get away from it every evening, I would have hated to have to be around them, and on my guard or putting on a brave face 24/7.

@Namechange224422 on the whole I think my peers from that time are doing pretty well. I'm sorry that you feel that way @Tr1skel1on. What I can say is that we had excellent pastoral care. It's worth noting that some of the other kids were victims of what I guess would best be termed benign neglect, in terms of parental input. In those cases it's hard to know where the damage originated. There was serious drug abuse going on in some families, plus open marriages etc. - but also a lot of money. There are certainly some people who definitely feel that they bear the scars of psychological damage, but actually being at boarding school gave them a fighting chance at life.