I donated my eggs AMA

[LouLou0505]

A few years ago I decided to donate my eggs. I was 23 and got some backlash from it 🤷🏻‍♀️

I get a lot of questions in real life and used to look on here for answers so feel free if anyone is interested!

do you ever think about potential children that may contact you in the future? What made you decide to donate eggs, did you know anyone with fertility issues?

Was the donation financially motivated or purely altruistic?

(Not being catty, I’ve genuinely considered it for the financial compensation)

Hey, yes I did think about my potential children being out there. I had also just got in a new relationship so had to discuss this with him.

As part of the process I could write a letter for any future children and I did, I told them all about my life at that time, why I did it and my door is open if they and their parents wish to enter ☺️

And yes, my sister was told she couldn't have children. My mum always said she'd be her surrogate if needed so it's always been in my head about helping.
She did get very lucky and fell pregnant herself however.

I don't find it catty at all!

I did it purely because I was healthy, wasn't needing my eggs at that time and was desperate to help someone.

If it turned out I couldn't of had children (I now have a 1 year old luckily) I'd of liked someone to help me.

You could not pay me all the money in the world to do it again (the process was brutal and awful) let alone what they did actually pay me 😂

I just wanted to say thank you 💕 after years of trying, and two failed IVF cycles (including one miscarriage) my husband need donor eggs (I have very low ovarian reserve and don't respond well/at all to IVF meds) and people like yourself have given us a chance of a family. Going through stimulation and egg collection is brutal and the the fact that you'd do that for strangers that you may never meet is so amazing. X x

*my husband and I 🙈

Oh bless you 🤍 sorry to hear your struggles! Please don't feel you have to reply but has it worked out for you?

And thank you for your kind words, I was met with some very strong opinions when I donated also some lovely ones but it's always baffled me why people have a negative opinion on IVF!

Do you get told (anonymously) if your donation has resulted in a successful pregnancy? I now get a text to say thanks and where my blood donation has been issued, which is nice, and blood is obviously far less personal.

If you aren’t told anything how do you feel about not knowing if you have biological children out there?

I think it’s a lovely thing to do BTW

When you think of the potential children that could be out there, how do you think of them?/What do you think of them as?

I had IVF with donor eggs and always thought of myself as the mother and the donor as someone with a genetic connection but not as family, and that's how I intended to describe them to the subsequent child - as someone who was incredibly generous and a wonderful person, but not a "relative". I would have fully supported making contact in future, but I wouldn't have expected them to have a familial relationship.

Then I read an interview with another egg donor who had also written a letter as you describe, in which she said if the child ever looked them up then her mother and siblings would all love to meet them too. It made me feel uncomfortable to think that this donor clearly thought of the future child as their family-to-be.

@loulou0505 we dont know yet! I hopefully have my first transfer at the start of Feb!

I can't begin to imagine the opinions (I've seen enough on here, as well as in real life), I waited for a long time before telling friends and family about even IVF because I felt like I needed to have the strength in my own conviction (and not cry everytime I talked about it, and not feel like a failure) to tell them to bog off if they didn't like it 🤣. It's fine, it's not for everyone, and I definitely understand why some people don't feel donors are their way. But I'm so humbled and grateful that its ours, and that is thanks to you 💕

I did 3 rounds of donation in the Mid 90's also altruistically and anonymously. I did find out that 2 of them were successful but no more than that. so if everything went to plan there are a couple of people in their mid 20's out there with a genetic link to me.
I am interested in Family history etc so have done a DNA test as part of that but not had any matches. Should I have any in the future I don't have a problem with it.

Like the OP I got backlash from outsiders too.

How much were you paid (if you don't mind answering) and how invasive / disruptive to your life back then was it?

I'm wrestling with what I think about donor eggs and sperm at the moment given my own fertility struggles. Conversation about it seems to only ever focus on the adult - what they want, how they will love the child, their thoughts around nature/nurture.

When you were looking into it did you find any information or have any thoughts on how a child might be affected? How they might feel about coming from a donor not knowing their genetic parents?

I see so much saying your parents are the ones that raise you but nothing on how donor children actually feel, any issues or thoughts they may have. Did you find any studies/information on this? Interested in your thoughts!

So a year after the donation I was told I could phone the clinic and find out if any had been successful.

So I did phone, my eggs went to 2 ladies and they had 6 each. I was told the first round for both hadn't worked but there was another round.

I was absolutely devastated and felt like it was my fault (I know it wasn't my eggs with very good quality it's just life) but in that moment and for weeks I was so upset.

So I decided to not find out if the second round worked and I feel so much better for it!

Thank you for sharing! I e never heard from anyone who received eggs.

DNA doesn't automatically make you a parent, if there is a child/children out there.. I'm not their mother.

It's funny, now I have a little boy I do feel different in that I wonder if they'd look like him but I don't think about it too much because the chances of them wanting to find me are low.

But no matter what they are not my children, they didn't just come from my egg they came from someone else's DNA so yeah!

I did it for someone else not myself so I try not to think about them 🤷🏻‍♀️

I have everything crossed for you. It must be very scary and a big think to do!

I understand taking the time before telling friends, I imagine a lot of them would make stupid comments without thinking about how long it took them etc and because IVF isn't a 100% certain thing you want to be careful!

Sending all my love!! 🤍

Wow that's amazing!! I guess you don't really think about these things, just wait for a knock at the door😂

I was paid £750 in total.

I was very lucky that my work at the time gave me time off for appointments and got the surgery itself.

The whole process was downplayed in my opinion.

I actually found out when having all the scans that I have polycystic ovaries (not syndrome) they didn't say anything about it, the medication I was on made me very sick. I have emetaphobia too which made my life HELL (I actually suffer from PTSD now because of the sickness and procedure) the injections were fine which is crazy as I had a needle phobia which I got over very quickly 😂

The actual egg donation itself was one of the most traumatic things I've gone through and I've had an emergency c section!

I suffered from hyper stimulation after and they literally just let me walk out the clinic and never cared after they got my eggs.

I had to have time off work after as I was so poorly and have suffered ever since so it really has had lasting effects that they never warned me about.

In all honesty I never thought about what the child would think. I was 23 and just knew I wanted to help someone. I didn't look for advice on it I just went with what the clinic told me, they advise the parents tell the child around primary school age as they may notice things like they don't look like mum for example.

Now I do sometimes think about it, but as I said above I'm not their mum and I've not given them any love. I've never met a donor conceived child but I'd like to think they wouldn't have strong feelings against it.

But then again I wouldn't get into a debate with anyone about it, my eggs my choice 🤷🏻‍♀️

Interesting to hear your thoughts, thanks for replying.
It's such an incredibly generous thing to do, especially after hearing how difficult the process was for you! I've heard from others that it can be easier.

This is horrific. I’m so sorry you have PTSD now and the doctors didn’t care about your health once they extracted your eggs. I’ve seen the adverts about how wonderful it would be to help older women who can’t fall pregnant with their own eggs, but none mention what you went through. Would you dissuade young women from signing up to give their eggs? I’ve heard there’s a chance it can make you infertile - I’m glad you have a healthy son!

I think I was just an unlucky one!

Do you worry about the potential for your child to meet and end up in a relationship with his biological half sibling?

I was on the other side considering the need for donor eggs and this was something that really worried me.

@GelPens1 - it's bad how they left me but I guess they weren't getting any money out of me! Sadly I think money plays a big part in all this!

If someone asked me for my opinion I'd be honest about my experience but all I know is they are desperate for young women to donate their eggs.

When I did mine in 2018 they said I'm one of only a handful in that clinic of that age which is sad.

Women need help sometimes so I'd think people should think it through but I wouldn't change it, I may have helped a family, if not then I tried!

I don't remember anyone telling me it could leave me infertile but I guess any invasion like that has risks!

The good thing is I had so many tests and ultrasounds that I now know my body very well!