Page 2 | I donated my eggs AMA

LouLou0505 · 2023-01-09T07:55:30+00:00

A few years ago I decided to donate my eggs. I was 23 and got some backlash from it 🤷🏻&zwj;♀️ I get a lot of questions in real life and used to look on here for answers so feel free if anyone is interested!

Original poster

LouLou0505 · 09/01/2023 19:23

Mollymae123 · 09/01/2023 18:29

Do you worry about the potential for your child to meet and end up in a relationship with his biological half sibling?

I was on the other side considering the need for donor eggs and this was something that really worried me.

If I'm honest I really don't think about it! I mean the chances are so so low. Apparently the ladies who had my eggs are no where near where I am.

I do understand why people would be worried but my want to help people took over any worries ☺️

OP posts:

bakewellbride · 09/01/2023 19:25

I've been thinking about donating. Would you recommend it?

Original poster

LouLou0505 · 09/01/2023 19:35

bakewellbride · 09/01/2023 19:25

I've been thinking about donating. Would you recommend it?

Hey! Do you research, and find a good clinic.

My experience was just that, mine. I wouldn't change it now I just wish I had known a bit more!

The feeling of helping families even if it doesn't work out, but giving them a chance is amazing!

As I said before, if I needed the help I'd want someone to do the same for me! ☺️

OP posts:

thelionthewitchtheaudacityofTHISbitch · 09/01/2023 19:44

Thank you for your generosity. When I was younger there weren't forums where anyone could discuss early menopause or fertility issues - like this site and others. I was basically infertile without knowing it (still menstruating as regularly as clockwork every month!) by age 30. There were a few options discussed but it was no children, adoption or donor IVF. We were fortunate enough to be offered a UK match (before the anonomity law change in 2005) and I have 1 child. They are nearly adult now (and wonderful - I do cry a lot about how wonderful!). That was a gift I never would have had without women like you. They have always known their origin. That was important to me. They are starting to think about DNA matches - although that was known about at time of donation the rate of change and information sharing could not have been predicted.
I am pleased that we chose to go with a UK donor as part of a share arrangement - at the time I was offered anonymous Spanish or Ukranian/Russian egg donation (via Cyprus). That felt like buying organs. And I believe now that is the normal process - as most Uk infertile couples dont want to go down a named future route. So thank you again. It is not a quick easy process. My child knows their origins and is OK with it.

NotMyDayJob · 09/01/2023 19:45

I had a baby last year with donor eggs after many miscarriages and years of heartache. I just wanted to say thank you. It sounds like you had a tough time and I just wanted to say thank you for going through that to help women like me.

I'd like to meet my donor one day to say thank you too, assuming my DD wants that.

KathyCornwall · 09/01/2023 19:55

Do you worry or wonder if your potential offspring are safe and happy, and knowing the fertility clinic harvested your eggs and quickly dismissed you, do you know for sure their ethics are better in terms of thoroughly vetting potential parents?

Mollymae123 · 09/01/2023 20:51

Yes. That's very true.

We didn't end up having to go down that route, but thank you for giving people a chance they might not have otherwise had.

Original poster

LouLou0505 · 09/01/2023 21:11

thelionthewitchtheaudacityofTHISbitch · 09/01/2023 19:44

Thank you for your generosity. When I was younger there weren't forums where anyone could discuss early menopause or fertility issues - like this site and others. I was basically infertile without knowing it (still menstruating as regularly as clockwork every month!) by age 30. There were a few options discussed but it was no children, adoption or donor IVF. We were fortunate enough to be offered a UK match (before the anonomity law change in 2005) and I have 1 child. They are nearly adult now (and wonderful - I do cry a lot about how wonderful!). That was a gift I never would have had without women like you. They have always known their origin. That was important to me. They are starting to think about DNA matches - although that was known about at time of donation the rate of change and information sharing could not have been predicted.
I am pleased that we chose to go with a UK donor as part of a share arrangement - at the time I was offered anonymous Spanish or Ukranian/Russian egg donation (via Cyprus). That felt like buying organs. And I believe now that is the normal process - as most Uk infertile couples dont want to go down a named future route. So thank you again. It is not a quick easy process. My child knows their origins and is OK with it.

Thank you for sharing and I'm so pleased you have your family!

I'm not up to date with how things used to be but I imagine things are very different now!

That's interesting they are looking into DNA matches, I have thought about it many times as I don't know my real grandfather but also so my information is out there if someone wanted to find me.

I also keep the clinic updated when I've moved house and got married. Obviously it wouldn't happen for many years but if a child did want to find me I would hate for them to spend years trying.

OP posts:

Iiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiivf · 09/01/2023 21:12

Another thank you from me.
After trying for a long time and several rounds of icsi, we made the very tough decision to try using donor egg.
It took me a few months to come to peace with the fact that any child I had would not be genetically mine, however after lots of thought and a billion discussions we decided to go for it.
2 tries later saw with my first successful pregnancy. I now have an incredible little girl. She is the best thing we ever did and we have zero regrets.
I continued to think about the donor egg aspect during the pregnancy and when she was first born- if anything it maybe made me a bit neurotic and things like skin to skin and breastfeeding were incredibly important to me.
Now it hardly crosses our minds- god she even looks like me!!
She has a personalised book about her conception and donor egg uniqueness and we make sure it's not a secret- the last thing I wanted to happen was it to come out like a secret when she was older.

You (and the medical bods) make miracles happen, and for my miracle, I will be eternally grateful.

Original poster

LouLou0505 · 09/01/2023 21:14

NotMyDayJob · 09/01/2023 19:45

I had a baby last year with donor eggs after many miscarriages and years of heartache. I just wanted to say thank you. It sounds like you had a tough time and I just wanted to say thank you for going through that to help women like me.

I'd like to meet my donor one day to say thank you too, assuming my DD wants that.

Bless you, so pleased you've got your little one!

Can I ask, and please don't feel like you have to reply... where you told if the donor had written a letter?

I was told that my families would be told about it, and could then choose if they want to keep it to give to the child to open later in life, open it then and decide or to refuse the letter.

OP posts:

Pearfacebanana · 09/01/2023 21:18

Would there be any situation where you would be uncomfortable with where your eggs may end up?

Original poster

LouLou0505 · 09/01/2023 21:19

KathyCornwall · 09/01/2023 19:55

Do you worry or wonder if your potential offspring are safe and happy, and knowing the fertility clinic harvested your eggs and quickly dismissed you, do you know for sure their ethics are better in terms of thoroughly vetting potential parents?

I do know that they have to go through a lot of vetting and this is because I know someone who used the clinic for IVF. That's why I chose this clinic.

Since having my baby boy I do think about that sometimes. I know things have happened in the past where children have been harmed which is awful, I just have to trust the clinic. I know I said they didn't look after me, which they didn't but I do believe they have the right morals I just think as they didn't get money from me they didn't worry about me.

OP posts:

Original poster

LouLou0505 · 09/01/2023 21:20

Mollymae123 · 09/01/2023 20:51

Yes. That's very true.

We didn't end up having to go down that route, but thank you for giving people a chance they might not have otherwise had.

🤍

OP posts:

Cally70 · 09/01/2023 21:23

I'd also like to add my thanks. I have two wonderful children, who I would not have had it not been for generous women like you.

Original poster

LouLou0505 · 09/01/2023 21:24

Iiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiivf · 09/01/2023 21:12

Another thank you from me.
After trying for a long time and several rounds of icsi, we made the very tough decision to try using donor egg.
It took me a few months to come to peace with the fact that any child I had would not be genetically mine, however after lots of thought and a billion discussions we decided to go for it.
2 tries later saw with my first successful pregnancy. I now have an incredible little girl. She is the best thing we ever did and we have zero regrets.
I continued to think about the donor egg aspect during the pregnancy and when she was first born- if anything it maybe made me a bit neurotic and things like skin to skin and breastfeeding were incredibly important to me.
Now it hardly crosses our minds- god she even looks like me!!
She has a personalised book about her conception and donor egg uniqueness and we make sure it's not a secret- the last thing I wanted to happen was it to come out like a secret when she was older.

You (and the medical bods) make miracles happen, and for my miracle, I will be eternally grateful.

Oh that is so amazing!

I'm so pleased people have commented their successes because I know what a miracle it is and to have been disappointed the first time I try and hold on to a little hope that there is a happy family out there!

I love the book idea!

The donation was difficult but the process the families go through must be 100x harder, as you say, the conversations you have to have, decisions to make like picking your donor, carrying the baby and then to explain everything must be so hard!

I'm just please to potentially be a small part of a very big story! 🤍

OP posts:

Original poster

LouLou0505 · 09/01/2023 21:27

Pearfacebanana · 09/01/2023 21:18

Would there be any situation where you would be uncomfortable with where your eggs may end up?

I remember having to decide whether I was happy for my eggs to go to same sex couples etc which I was fine with everything and the only thing I requested was that my eggs stayed in the UK.

And I did that because I wanted to know things would be done correctly and if a child wanted to find me I imagine having to search UK would be a lot easier than the whole world! 😂

OP posts:

Original poster

LouLou0505 · 09/01/2023 21:27

Cally70 · 09/01/2023 21:23

I'd also like to add my thanks. I have two wonderful children, who I would not have had it not been for generous women like you.

The best thing to hear! (Or read ☺️) 🤍

OP posts:

NotMyDayJob · 09/01/2023 21:31

LouLou0505 · 09/01/2023 21:14

Bless you, so pleased you've got your little one!

Can I ask, and please don't feel like you have to reply... where you told if the donor had written a letter?

I was told that my families would be told about it, and could then choose if they want to keep it to give to the child to open later in life, open it then and decide or to refuse the letter.

Show quote history

We were told about the letter, the egg bank I used makes all that available as part of the process of choosing eggs and it was one of the things we looked at. It wasn't just green eyes, brown hair, whatever, I also wanted someone that I thought I might be able to have a cup of coffee with one day and someone that would be open to being contacted, if my DD wanted. It was a really important part of the process for us.

SpringsRightAroundTheCorner · 09/01/2023 21:31

Why did you do it? It's invasive and not without risk, was money a factor?

Did you ever think about the potential that it could have damaged your own fertility? Do you want or have you since had children? If you have did this not change how you feel about these children who are biologically yours? I know becoming a mum changed how I felt about many things where children are involved.

Is your boyfriend/husband OK that you did this? I actually asked my husband if he had ever donated sperm (we met at uni and I knew people had for money). He thankfully told me he was never that stupid and realised the long term consequences. I wouldn't have been happy marrying him knowing there could be random children of his waiting to turn 18 to find him.

MyAnacondaMight · 09/01/2023 21:38

What a lovely thing to do.

Original poster

LouLou0505 · 09/01/2023 21:39

SpringsRightAroundTheCorner · 09/01/2023 21:31

Why did you do it? It's invasive and not without risk, was money a factor?

Did you ever think about the potential that it could have damaged your own fertility? Do you want or have you since had children? If you have did this not change how you feel about these children who are biologically yours? I know becoming a mum changed how I felt about many things where children are involved.

Is your boyfriend/husband OK that you did this? I actually asked my husband if he had ever donated sperm (we met at uni and I knew people had for money). He thankfully told me he was never that stupid and realised the long term consequences. I wouldn't have been happy marrying him knowing there could be random children of his waiting to turn 18 to find him.

I have answered most of your questions below if you read.

In regards to you being thankful your husband wasn't stupid enough to donate his sperm. I pray you, your children or anyone in your family never experience fertility issues and need us stupid people who do donate to help you create a family.

You may not have meant to cause offence, but you should choose your words wisely.

OP posts:

bakewellbride · 09/01/2023 21:55

What clinic did you use?

I didn't realise you could express a preference in where the eggs ended up e.g no same sex couples.

RodiganReed · 09/01/2023 21:56

LouLou0505 · 09/01/2023 21:39

I have answered most of your questions below if you read.

In regards to you being thankful your husband wasn't stupid enough to donate his sperm. I pray you, your children or anyone in your family never experience fertility issues and need us stupid people who do donate to help you create a family.

You may not have meant to cause offence, but you should choose your words wisely.

Show quote history

Bravo OP, well said

Original poster

LouLou0505 · 09/01/2023 22:00

bakewellbride · 09/01/2023 21:55

What clinic did you use?

I didn't realise you could express a preference in where the eggs ended up e.g no same sex couples.

I used a Bourn Hall clinic.

In 2018 you could, I guess some people might not feel comfortable with it 🤷🏻‍♀️

OP posts:

SpringsRightAroundTheCorner · 09/01/2023 22:02

LouLou0505 · 09/01/2023 21:39

I have answered most of your questions below if you read.

In regards to you being thankful your husband wasn't stupid enough to donate his sperm. I pray you, your children or anyone in your family never experience fertility issues and need us stupid people who do donate to help you create a family.

You may not have meant to cause offence, but you should choose your words wisely.

Show quote history

Not saying you were stupid, no no! Lads at uni did it for beer money, my husband just felt there were other ways to make money, without such big consequence attached. The lads doing it just didn't really think about it.

A close relative had 24 years of trying via ivf etc, she wouldn't go down the donor egg route and made peace not having kids. Then they went abroad and had 1 last shot aged 46 and 53 and had twins (biologically theirs) so I do get it. My mum did raise questions (not to them) over whether they were my rele's biological children but as they've grown there's no denying who's children they are. I don't think it's a bad thing as such I just think there's consequences for the baby created and the donors own children. I'd hate for our children to have half siblings out there and we have no idea who they are. It's nice you made some couples happy.