Page 5 | I donated my eggs AMA

LouLou0505 · 2023-01-09T07:55:30+00:00

A few years ago I decided to donate my eggs. I was 23 and got some backlash from it 🤷🏻&zwj;♀️ I get a lot of questions in real life and used to look on here for answers so feel free if anyone is interested!

NotMyDayJob · 22/01/2023 19:18

DonorConceivedMe · 22/01/2023 17:04

I’m on a lot of forums for donor conceived adults and the topic of abuse comes up every so often and seems to be more prevalent. I accept that this is anecdata.

There won’t have been any/many studies because the fertility industry only funds research which says, literally, “the kids are ok”.

I suppose you have to decide whether you think donor conceived families have similarities to stepfamilies. I think they do. Typically there is one genetic parent and one non-genetic parent. Read accounts of what happens to relationships with the children if the parents get divorced. This tells you a lot about the strength of the bond between some (not all) non-genetic parents and their children.

Not all step parents, not all donor conceived families.

I'm truly sorry for what you've been through, and yes I can empathise because I have been the victim of abuse of different kinds from wholly biological family members (and that's really all I'm prepared to disclose on the matter).

But I completely refute that step families and donor conceived families are the same.

Not all step families, not all donor conceived families, but sadly all families

You cannot make such sweeping, accusatory and distressing statements about a specific sub set of families.

Forthelast · 22/01/2023 19:52

DonorConceivedMe · 22/01/2023 17:04

I’m on a lot of forums for donor conceived adults and the topic of abuse comes up every so often and seems to be more prevalent. I accept that this is anecdata.

There won’t have been any/many studies because the fertility industry only funds research which says, literally, “the kids are ok”.

I suppose you have to decide whether you think donor conceived families have similarities to stepfamilies. I think they do. Typically there is one genetic parent and one non-genetic parent. Read accounts of what happens to relationships with the children if the parents get divorced. This tells you a lot about the strength of the bond between some (not all) non-genetic parents and their children.

Not all step parents, not all donor conceived families.

How is it remotely like step families? In step families there is usually a 'real' parent who has formed a parental bond, has parental responsibility and sees the child. With a donor conceived child, all of that happens with the parent from birth.

I don't think you're making very much sense.

Forthelast · 22/01/2023 19:54

Sorry, I should say the real parent is likely still on the scene in step families so the step parent is not going to have the same parental bond, contact from birth or parental responsibility.

DonorConceivedMe · 22/01/2023 20:11

I’m not saying all donor conceived families are abusive. Nor that wholly biological families are never abusive. I’m saying that in my experience and opinion, there is a higher prevalence of abuse in donor conceived families.

You may disagree with my opinion. That’s fine. But if you think I’m wrong why is it “distressing”? On the other hand, if there are potential issues with this industry and its products (as opposed to its clients), isn’t it better to get them out in the open?

Interesting that you use the term “real parent” @Forthelast .

NotMyDayJob · 22/01/2023 20:21

DonorConceivedMe · 22/01/2023 20:11

I’m not saying all donor conceived families are abusive. Nor that wholly biological families are never abusive. I’m saying that in my experience and opinion, there is a higher prevalence of abuse in donor conceived families.

You may disagree with my opinion. That’s fine. But if you think I’m wrong why is it “distressing”? On the other hand, if there are potential issues with this industry and its products (as opposed to its clients), isn’t it better to get them out in the open?

Interesting that you use the term “real parent” @Forthelast .

The fertility industry aren't solely responsible for studies and research about children. If there were the evidence that there was a higher prevalence of abuse in donor conceived families there are plenty of other institutions/organisations/PhD students who would take that on. Your experience? Of what? Some people in a Facebook group? Your opinion? Well some people think the moon landings were staged and the earth is flat.

I find it distressing because I have a donor conceived child, I used an egg donor, I have no genetic connection with my DC which I openly acknowledge. You're implying that my family is more likely to carry out abuse then any other family.

I think I recognise you from some of the Facebook groups where you have caused distress to others as well.

I wish you well but I won't be responding again.

DonorConceivedMe · 22/01/2023 20:38

@NotMyDayJob I don’t participate in any FB groups which include recipient parents so there must be someone else who feels the same as me. And your attitude is why I don’t participate. We call it “shut up and be grateful”.

As for funding — look at Susan Golombok who heads a Cambridge university group studying these questions. She’s partly funded by a London fertility clinic. Guess what her conclusions are?