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AMA
Original poster

I’m a reborn mum, AMA

168 replies

Chloefairydust · 04/09/2022 04:08

There’s a lot of misunderstanding and judgment regarding the hobby. Just wanted to see if anyone had any questions. I have one reborn doll, that looks realistic and weighs the same as an average newborn. I like to buy cute outfits to dress her up in. I find it incredibly soothing to hold and rock her in the evening. And sometimes like to take her out in the pram. I don’t see her as a real baby, I’m aware it’s a doll. She is a piece of art, much talent goes into sculpting and painting the reborn baby dolls. She is also a therapy doll, I suffer anxiety and the doll helps me. I work in a nursing home where I see the benefits of doll therapy with dementia patients. I’m also exploring getting into the painting side of the hobby…. Ask me anything? …

OP posts:
pictish · 04/09/2022 10:50

It’s a harmless hobby but I still feel a strong sense of aversion to it.
I think it’s because the dolls reside in the Uncanny Valley, where an object almost appears human but clearly is not. It’s an eerie, disturbed sensation of wrongness for me.
If I stopped to admire your baby and realised it was a doll, I’d want to create distance between us.

Nevertheless I’m oddly fascinated by this thread.

BadNomad · 04/09/2022 10:51

I don't see it as any different from, say, playing a video game as a warlock, or any other imagination/role play game. It's escapism. Comfort. Self-soothing. Not delusional.

Luredbyapomegranate · 04/09/2022 10:55

saraclara · 04/09/2022 09:23

This is an AMA thread. Not a relationships or AIBU OP. It's not the place to be personal or judgmental.

Show quote history

@saraclara The PP isn’t being judgemental, she’s just concerned.

This is a forum, people can express opinions as they like, you are not the thread police.

Also the OP does appear to no longer be answering questions, so..

HermioneKipper · 04/09/2022 10:57

I honestly can’t get my head around this but I guess, if it makes you happy and isn’t urging anyone then crack on.

I do think you should look into getting some counselling/therapy though. From what you’ve said, I think it would really help you

HermioneKipper · 04/09/2022 10:58

*hurting! not urging.

flipping autocorrect

2bazookas · 04/09/2022 10:59

Is this different from a blow-up plastic adult doll being used for sex? Nobody would confuse the owner with a lover or the doll with a wife.

butterflied · 04/09/2022 11:01

OP herself may not be harming anyone, but the reborn industry on a whole has had negative impacts on real people. Such as those who go out and stockpile formula when there have been shortages for their dolls, make it up into bottles to pretend to feed them and then tip it down the sink. Real babies were going without while dolls had plenty.
Obviously, as with anything, there are extremists, OP if you're part of the reborn community, do you discourage this behaviour? Do you agree with buying formula?

All of this. What's your view on formula buying/wasting?

Draughtycatflapreturns · 04/09/2022 11:01

ThickCutSteakChips · 04/09/2022 10:22

Grin

David Hassellhoff though...really?!

Show quote history

At my age if I’m getting down on the floor it really needs to be worth the effort.

KaitK · 04/09/2022 11:07

I sort of get the painting them thing - I wouldn't do it (I'm not artistic/creative in the slightest) - but it's no different really to someone painting a canvas or making a vase, but I don't understand how having a doll, a hobby that you feel you have to hide from most people you know, helps your anxiety; how does that work? If you feel too embarrassed/ashamed etc for most people to know this is your hobby, how do you manage to take the doll out in a pram, surely that heightens your anxiety worrying someone you know who doesn't know about the hobby will see?

ditavonteesed · 04/09/2022 11:09

I just wanted to say you inspired me to do a bit of googling and I saw the cutest ever reborn baby grinch.

Skelligsfeathers · 04/09/2022 11:09

How do you nurture an inanimate object?

Kanaloa · 04/09/2022 11:11

SunnyD44 · 04/09/2022 10:39

^I mean I’m not the op but I can answer this - do you not see the difference between the huge huge commitment of fostering babies (any baby removed at birth to be fostered will already have extensive trauma) and buying a doll you can play with? She specifically says the doll helps her anxiety - a traumatised foster baby won’t do that.*
Neither will a job at a nursery.

No not really.

I find animals very soothing but a teddy or a mechanical one wouldn’t cut it for me as it’s not the real thing.

If I couldn’t commit to having a pet full time then I would volunteer or get a job with them in some way.

Maybe it’s different if you have a strong maternal instinct like OP and being around real babies makes it worse.

You don’t see the difference between fostering a traumatised baby and cuddling a doll? How do you not see the difference between a huge full time responsibility over a baby’s life and playing with a doll? That’s like saying oh you like building Lego? Why don’t you just go to university and become an architect and run your own architecture business?

BakersYeast · 04/09/2022 11:11

How do you "nurture" an inanimate object?

Ducksinthebath · 04/09/2022 11:11

Is it even an AMA thread anymore since nothing is being answered?

watcherintherye · 04/09/2022 11:12

These threads should be renamed ‘AMA, but don’t expect me to answer more than 6 questions’!

anon2022anon · 04/09/2022 11:14

I'm unsure on this hobby. I can kind of see why it might be soothing to rock a doll at home, and I totally understand why buying baby clothes and playing dress up might be fun. But what do you get out of taking it outside in a pram? Its like paying money to buy equipment to go outside to be judged. Is there an element of feeling proud if people mistake it for a real baby?

I was on a FB group about rear facing car seat safety/ recommendations, and a lady came on there to ask for recommendations, turns out it was for her newborn sized doll. A lot of people pointed out that in a car accident, the fire brigade would spend time, energy and put themselves in danger to rescue a 'baby' in a car seat. This lady was adamant that she didn't care, she was buying one, she would follow all baby related car seat rules to transport her doll (no coats, rear facing, etc), and that it was important to do so. She also wasted people's time, by not being clear this was for a doll from the start, so people were helping her research baby of weight x suitable car seats.
I'm not suggesting this is how you are, but at what point do you recognise you have a doll, at what point would you think you were going too far with escapism?

Original poster
Chloefairydust · 04/09/2022 11:21

Sorry I work nightshifts so my body clock is a bit messed up and I fell asleep. I will try to answer your questions.

I won’t upload a pic, just because every reborn is unique so it might be outing.
But she is a very cute reborn doll, I don’t like the ones with that blue tinge either, kinda looks like a dead baby right? … mine has lots of flushing to pink out the skin tone. Again it’s all about finding the right artist.

The fantasy reborns aren’t my thing, but some of them do look interesting. I really don’t like the monkey or zombie ones though.

when I upgrade to a silicone, I will probably sell this baby. The reborn baby dolls are all unique pieces of art so I can understand why some choose to collect and display them, however I’m happy just with one.

Right now she’s called Rose, but that might change if I get bored of it. I also sometimes change the gender because newborn baby boy clothes can be so cute, and why not?

She helps with my anxiety as holding something that feels like a baby releases feel good chemicals into your brain. It’s a very instinctive thing. To nurture is a kind of behaviour, dressing the baby, holding and rocking the baby is all very nurturing kinds of behaviour. I get anxiety in crowds also so taking the baby out in the pram helps as I feel safer. I feel like the attention is on the baby and not me. It also helps to distract me.
I have had therapy and am on meds for anxiety. Frankly for me, I find the doll helps more.

I always drive somewhere out of my neck of the woods to avoid bumping into anyone I know. If I did I guess I would just explain.

And I intend to breast feed Rose exclusively until she is 6 months old.

Ok, I was totally messing with you guys on that last bit haha , she’s a doll so she doesn’t need any food. 😂

some women do ‘role play’ with the doll, and make up a bottle ect. However I don’t think anyone is under any delusion, the women I think are aware the reborn is in fact a doll. This is just a form of play I guess. I don’t think many use real formula, there are fake milk bottles that reborn mums tend to use to role play with.

And I loved playing with dolls as a child, I absolutely feel I’m nurturing my inner child by having the reborn baby doll.

And fostering real babies is entirely different to owning a reborn doll. Perhaps I might consider fostering in the future but right now I’m happy with a reborn.

And I think men own sex dolls for entirely different reasons than women own reborn baby dolls. So that kind of goes without saying really.

OP posts:
MrsPelligrinoPetrichor · 04/09/2022 11:31

pictish · 04/09/2022 10:50

It’s a harmless hobby but I still feel a strong sense of aversion to it.
I think it’s because the dolls reside in the Uncanny Valley, where an object almost appears human but clearly is not. It’s an eerie, disturbed sensation of wrongness for me.
If I stopped to admire your baby and realised it was a doll, I’d want to create distance between us.

Nevertheless I’m oddly fascinated by this thread.

I'm with you on this. I have to say I've yet to see one that looked realistic, loads come up on my FB page for sale and they all seem to have a strange blue tinge which is alarming.

I'm half thinking about making them to sell, I'm arty and there's obviously a market but I'm not sure I could have them in the house while I make them!

I've seen the fantasy ones and I think they're a whole different ball game. Quite amazing.

NeverDropYourMooncup · 04/09/2022 11:31

Chloefairydust · 04/09/2022 11:21

Sorry I work nightshifts so my body clock is a bit messed up and I fell asleep. I will try to answer your questions.

I won’t upload a pic, just because every reborn is unique so it might be outing.
But she is a very cute reborn doll, I don’t like the ones with that blue tinge either, kinda looks like a dead baby right? … mine has lots of flushing to pink out the skin tone. Again it’s all about finding the right artist.

The fantasy reborns aren’t my thing, but some of them do look interesting. I really don’t like the monkey or zombie ones though.

when I upgrade to a silicone, I will probably sell this baby. The reborn baby dolls are all unique pieces of art so I can understand why some choose to collect and display them, however I’m happy just with one.

Right now she’s called Rose, but that might change if I get bored of it. I also sometimes change the gender because newborn baby boy clothes can be so cute, and why not?

She helps with my anxiety as holding something that feels like a baby releases feel good chemicals into your brain. It’s a very instinctive thing. To nurture is a kind of behaviour, dressing the baby, holding and rocking the baby is all very nurturing kinds of behaviour. I get anxiety in crowds also so taking the baby out in the pram helps as I feel safer. I feel like the attention is on the baby and not me. It also helps to distract me.
I have had therapy and am on meds for anxiety. Frankly for me, I find the doll helps more.

I always drive somewhere out of my neck of the woods to avoid bumping into anyone I know. If I did I guess I would just explain.

And I intend to breast feed Rose exclusively until she is 6 months old.

Ok, I was totally messing with you guys on that last bit haha , she’s a doll so she doesn’t need any food. 😂

some women do ‘role play’ with the doll, and make up a bottle ect. However I don’t think anyone is under any delusion, the women I think are aware the reborn is in fact a doll. This is just a form of play I guess. I don’t think many use real formula, there are fake milk bottles that reborn mums tend to use to role play with.

And I loved playing with dolls as a child, I absolutely feel I’m nurturing my inner child by having the reborn baby doll.

And fostering real babies is entirely different to owning a reborn doll. Perhaps I might consider fostering in the future but right now I’m happy with a reborn.

And I think men own sex dolls for entirely different reasons than women own reborn baby dolls. So that kind of goes without saying really.

Oh, I don't know. Fucking a sex doll releases feel good chemicals into the brain and it's a very instinctive thing. They can change the names if they get bored, buy clothes for it that they think are cute or sexy and it probably helps distract them from other things in their lives if they can role play having a compliant and physically perfect (to them) partner without any of the inconvenient things like having to build a relationship.

seperatedmum · 04/09/2022 11:32

and my cat is a living being, however I didn’t give birth to her, so I’m not actually her mother.

did you give birth to the doll then?

MrsPelligrinoPetrichor · 04/09/2022 11:33

saraclara · 04/09/2022 09:23

This is an AMA thread. Not a relationships or AIBU OP. It's not the place to be personal or judgmental.

Show quote history

I don't think it's an unkind post and I think there's value in it. It IS a coping mechanism.

Kanaloa · 04/09/2022 11:34

seperatedmum · 04/09/2022 11:32

and my cat is a living being, however I didn’t give birth to her, so I’m not actually her mother.

did you give birth to the doll then?

Obviously she didn’t - she was responding to a post saying why does she call herself the mum to the doll and answered she also calls herself mum to her cat when she gave birth to neither of them.

puddlesofmothers · 04/09/2022 11:39

I understand the subject isn't everyone's cup of tea. I will never understand the effort people make to say unpleasant and borderline shitty things. I find it depressing the efforts people go to to make someone trying their best to cope, feel
Worse.

Mossygreenchypre · 04/09/2022 11:42

Chloefairydust · 04/09/2022 11:21

Sorry I work nightshifts so my body clock is a bit messed up and I fell asleep. I will try to answer your questions.

I won’t upload a pic, just because every reborn is unique so it might be outing.
But she is a very cute reborn doll, I don’t like the ones with that blue tinge either, kinda looks like a dead baby right? … mine has lots of flushing to pink out the skin tone. Again it’s all about finding the right artist.

The fantasy reborns aren’t my thing, but some of them do look interesting. I really don’t like the monkey or zombie ones though.

when I upgrade to a silicone, I will probably sell this baby. The reborn baby dolls are all unique pieces of art so I can understand why some choose to collect and display them, however I’m happy just with one.

Right now she’s called Rose, but that might change if I get bored of it. I also sometimes change the gender because newborn baby boy clothes can be so cute, and why not?

She helps with my anxiety as holding something that feels like a baby releases feel good chemicals into your brain. It’s a very instinctive thing. To nurture is a kind of behaviour, dressing the baby, holding and rocking the baby is all very nurturing kinds of behaviour. I get anxiety in crowds also so taking the baby out in the pram helps as I feel safer. I feel like the attention is on the baby and not me. It also helps to distract me.
I have had therapy and am on meds for anxiety. Frankly for me, I find the doll helps more.

I always drive somewhere out of my neck of the woods to avoid bumping into anyone I know. If I did I guess I would just explain.

And I intend to breast feed Rose exclusively until she is 6 months old.

Ok, I was totally messing with you guys on that last bit haha , she’s a doll so she doesn’t need any food. 😂

some women do ‘role play’ with the doll, and make up a bottle ect. However I don’t think anyone is under any delusion, the women I think are aware the reborn is in fact a doll. This is just a form of play I guess. I don’t think many use real formula, there are fake milk bottles that reborn mums tend to use to role play with.

And I loved playing with dolls as a child, I absolutely feel I’m nurturing my inner child by having the reborn baby doll.

And fostering real babies is entirely different to owning a reborn doll. Perhaps I might consider fostering in the future but right now I’m happy with a reborn.

And I think men own sex dolls for entirely different reasons than women own reborn baby dolls. So that kind of goes without saying really.

OK, if you are happy with the idea of upgrading to a better model, then you can't really call yourself a Mum.

user1471462428 · 04/09/2022 11:43

Having a child can increase anxiety (I know mine was triggered by my first child). I informally foster my friends son and would not have been able to this with anxiety as I need nerves of steel when he wrecks my house and screams. Also can’t imagine working in a noisy nursery being conducive to helping anxiety!! Think op is being insightful and responsive to her own needs. I wish you all the best. One of my elderly relatives had fertility issues and used to take a doll out in her pram and found this soothed her.