I’m a reborn mum, AMA

[Chloefairydust]

There’s a lot of misunderstanding and judgment regarding the hobby. Just wanted to see if anyone had any questions. I have one reborn doll, that looks realistic and weighs the same as an average newborn. I like to buy cute outfits to dress her up in. I find it incredibly soothing to hold and rock her in the evening. And sometimes like to take her out in the pram. I don’t see her as a real baby, I’m aware it’s a doll. She is a piece of art, much talent goes into sculpting and painting the reborn baby dolls. She is also a therapy doll, I suffer anxiety and the doll helps me. I work in a nursing home where I see the benefits of doll therapy with dementia patients. I’m also exploring getting into the painting side of the hobby…. Ask me anything? …

I don't think tiktok has helped peoples perception. I don't have any issues with people having re born dolls.

The issues I've seen on the internet are the minority using formula and also seen someone on the internet refuse to put their pram down with their reborn doll in to allow someone else with a pushchair with an actual child on the bus.

I know it's the minority and I feel bad for reborn collectors who get tarnished with the same brush.

This is all new to me but I used to love playing with my dolls when I was a child, as did my dd. What I get from this is that the OP gets to take care of the doll (and her cat), exercising her mothering instincts in a kind of part-time way, without having the responsibility and hassle of a real baby, which she couldn't cope with at the moment. She isn't totally deluded. Seems OK to me.

"Put it in the wardrobe".

Apparently.

I used to have one of these dolls. I enjoyed searching eBay for cute baby outfits, dressing her up in baby clothes and taking photos of her in different outfits and holding her was undeniably comforting/ calming so I can understand this.

I have seen some documentaries about women who literally treat the doll as a real baby to the point where they have full on nurseries, ‘feed’ and change and bath the baby, take it everywhere etc and I find this extreme side a bit hard to get my head around, especially where they have their own children still living at home, but I understand the less extreme side of just wanting to get a doll and dress it up in sweet outfits and maybe cuddle it for a bit whilst watching TV. I don’t see buying outfits to dress up a baby doll much different to people who have hobbies such as putting together dolls houses, model train sets, scrapbooking, types of crafting or even gardening etc, I think it’s about being able to focus on putting together something aesthetically pleasing and take a bit of time out of real life where that’s all you’re thinking about. It’s a way to escape real life which, if you have anxiety, can be a welcome relief.

So I've asked 7 questions. You've been back on but not replied to one. I don't think you understand how this topic works.

I think it's quite disturbing and offensive to some people. I once had my newborn in the pram and another mum approached me to ask if she could let her toddler look at the baby as she was pregnant and she wanted to show her Son that's how their family would be soon.

In the house or garden is one thing. To actually push a pram with a life like looking doll in it is way too far personally. Imagine someone asking you about your "baby".

A doll looks like a doll though. Going to the length of buying a human life doll, a human sized ordinary pram and proper baby clothes is not really comparable to a barbie doll or Bratz or whatever sorry I don't have a DD so no idea of the latest dolls!

No words

A realistic one

Sorry vroom, I missed your questions.

I have only had the reborn a couple of months and haven’t been on holiday in that time. That said I would probably leave her at home. Reborn dolls are expensive and delicate, I wouldn’t want to risk the doll being damaged by being thrown around in a suitcase or even lost if the luggage gets lost. Same reason I don’t take expensive jewellery with me on holiday.

and cabsnotlint I don’t really see what’s offensive about a reborn doll.

Honestly I find it all a bit disturbing but I think that’s because of the person I know who indulges in this.

She has a couple of these dolls. She takes them out in slings etc, she feeds them, prepares baby food for them, calls them her children etc. She was actually on this morning talking about them a few years ago.

On the face of it she couldn’t have children so obviously there are some MH issues at play.

What I find worse though is the fact that her husband actually left his wife and children, one of which has severe SN, to be with her, and now he views these inanimate objects as his children. two children one of which has severe

Do you ever worry that you’ll get TOO sucked into it? I totally see the appeal of having one once my kids are grown up but I worry that I’d be one of those people that gets way too intense and attached

Research has found that baby dolls, including reborn ones, really help people with dementia. They find the act of cuddling, talking to and dressing them comforting and soothing.

I wouldn't get one myself. I was never a fan of dolls.

You don’t see the difference between fostering a traumatised baby and cuddling a doll? How do you not see the difference between a huge full time responsibility over a baby’s life and playing with a doll? That’s like saying oh you like building Lego? Why don’t you just go to university and become an architect and run your own architecture business?

It’s completely different.

And you don’t have to foster traumatised babies.

There’s always jobs in maternity wards and nurseries where you can cuddle and dress them etc without the full time responsibility of a baby’s life.

As I said, I find animals help and soothe me but stroking a teddy is not the same as stroking a cat that has a heartbeat and breathes.
If I couldn’t have a cat then I would volunteer at a cat shelter or something so I can be in contact with real life cats to fulfil my needs.

I assumed the maternal instinct worked the same way and I don’t understand how a doll can fix that need when there are plenty of opportunities to be around real life babies without the commitment.

Which is why I asked the question.

I used to have one of these dolls. I enjoyed searching eBay for cute baby outfits, dressing her up in baby clothes and taking photos of her in different outfits and holding her was undeniably comforting/ calming so I can understand this.

A couple of posters have said they find the dressing up part enjoyable - I wonder why this is.

It makes total sense to me that playing with a doll can soothe anxiety. No one really bats an eye lid at adult Lego enthusiasts or toy train collectors or model makers (majority of whom are men).

My daughter got a fashion doll toy for her birthday that came with various pieces of fabric for you to drape around the doll and create clothes. I played with it for days 🤣🤣.

Choosing outfits, colours, fabrics is a creative outlet?

I think there's a difference, building something is very different from pretending your doll is real / feeding it and taking it for a walk on the pram. It's like a man I insisting he was an architect while building Lego.

You are not going to find any babies up for fostering who aren’t traumatised. And someone using a doll to self soothe through anxiety isn’t going to have their needs met by working on a busy maternity ward or baby unit at a nursery. Not sure if you’ve ever been in a nursery but I’ve worked in plenty and they’re not soothing places - you don’t wake up thinking ‘can’t wait to cuddle and dress up the babies today.’ You just sound totally clueless and a bit ignorant with it if you don’t know the difference between playing with a doll to help your anxiety and fostering babies/taking a job on a maternity ward or in a nursery.

I think it's offensive to anyone who has had trauma around pregnacy.

Why don't you use a barbie? It's highly disturbing that your basically impersonating/pretending to imitate a real baby. If you can't see that perhaps that's the issue OP.

An adult playing with lego is not strange. Lego is just lego and people build complex designs which take skill and concentration there's no replica of lego comparable to a human. Not sure how that's a comparable hobby.

You are not going to find any babies up for fostering who aren’t traumatised. And someone using a doll to self soothe through anxiety isn’t going to have their needs met by working on a busy maternity ward or baby unit at a nursery. Not sure if you’ve ever been in a nursery but I’ve worked in plenty and they’re not soothing places - you don’t wake up thinking ‘can’t wait to cuddle and dress up the babies today.’ You just sound totally clueless and a bit ignorant with it if you don’t know the difference between playing with a doll to help your anxiety and fostering babies/taking a job on a maternity ward or in a nursery.

Why not start your own thread on the subject.

This is OPs AMA, not yours so I don’t know why you’re taking it over with your own opinion.

I asked a question to the OP because I was interested in HER opinion.

If I want to ask you a question about why you have these dolls then I will but I haven’t.

As I said me playing with a toy cat would not be the same as playing with a real cat.
If you playing with your dolls is the same as playing with a real baby then that’s great for you but this isn’t your thread and your opinion may not be the same as OPs.

I don’t play with reborn dolls. I was responding to that post because I find it a ridiculous amount of ignorance and stupidity to suggest that somebody who soothes anxiety by playing with a doll should just ‘foster babies or get a job on a maternity ward or at a nursery’ to ‘cuddle and dress up the babies.’ No wonder op doesn’t want to answer some of these questions when they’re so obviously goady and/or stupid.

I lost a pregnancy late on. I was very young and didn't have my surviving children for over 10 years after the loss.
Had it been around at the time, I could imagine I might have found some comfort in holding a doll like this, if it was a bit heavy and sort of felt like a baby. I used to carry around a hot water bottle on a teddy hot water bottle case for some months after the loss. Then I lost the teddy case (think my mum chucked it away because it was filthy and worn) and then i just sat with / carried the plain hot water bottle at home. For years, I think. It just felt like I had to be holding something warm and heavy all the time, not sure if it gave any real comfort or just made it worse.

That sounds very traumatic. I'm glad that helped you through. This would be a cheaper option for care homes I guess. Or is that taking the mick to give them a hot water bottle if they think it's a baby?