I am a celebrity nanny… AMA

[VIPNanny]

Name changed for obvious reasons but I know I would have been curious about my job if I wasn’t doing it, so I figured I would help answer some questions people might have about what it’s like to nanny for rich/well-known families.

@katiejemima

Not a dull question at all!

I would say people in general get used to luxury much faster than poverty so it’s probably easier to get used to flying private or first class than it is to get used to flying basic economy when you once were flying private/first.

What’s interesting and might be surprising is that actually not every rich person cares to fly private, many only upgrade to business (rather than first) and sometimes some even fly economy! (Short flight where there is no such thing as first class anyway or where the upgrade would only get you 2 inches of extra leg room and a pack of crackers.

For me flying private I don’t find extremely different from flying any other plane. It’s a bit the difference between driving in the back of a car vs the back of caravan. Like you have more space, it’s more cozy, you can keep busy a bit better and it feels more homey/less crowded but ultimately it’s still boring and you are still stuck in there for a couple of hours.

I was actually having a conversation about it with the extended family of the people I am currently working for very recently and the result seem to be that they have all done the economy and the flying Ryan Air thing and that ultimately they don’t care about queuing with everybody else but they do very much appreciate having access to shorter queues by upgrading or having the ability to enjoy the lounge facilities.

But most of those people fly very very regularly. I fly a lot too (even outside my work) and while I personally don’t see the enough plus sides to spend the extra thousands on a class upgrade when I travel outside of work and therefore happily fly economy, it’s still a massive pain in the butt to have to go through endless security check lines, having no available seats at the gate, and having no leg space on a 10 hours flight. And I think when you travel once a year it’s about fine and part of the holiday almost, when you have trips every week sometimes multiple times a week, traveling in comfort actually become a bit of a need.

Usually from what I see they travel smart. They know when it’s worth it to upgrade or not. In shorter flights they will still want to access the lounge etc… but will care less about the seats. On long flight they will want the full package if possible and have the comfort of actually being able to sleep without needing the chiropractor the next day as some will need to head straight to work upon arrival.

So I think they are like the rest of us. Fine overall flying economy if need be but like us, thinking that access to the lounge and more comfortable seats as well as better airplane food and guaranteed entertainment wouldn’t hurt nobody.

Thank you @VIPNanny. That's interesting. I always remember one of the Spice Girls saying how the first few times they flew first class, they were like overexcited children...but by the 10th or so time, they'd be asleep before the plane even left the runway...

@katiejemima

I am not surprised but I feel it was the same for me with my first time taking an airplane vs the 10th time. Like I remember being super excited taking a plane to go abroad for the first time as a teenager even paying proper attention to the air stewardess during their safety demonstration in awe, and now it’s very common that I am asleep before take off (when flying for myself not at work) and through most of the flight and tend to inwardly groaned when my movie gets paused or my sleep interrupted to force me to watch the safety video or the safety presentation from the air stewardess and I have gone through hundreds of them already. So I think everything loses it’s touch and yes even luxury.

Everytime I enter one of the family’s properties for the first time I am in total awe, I mean some of those places are things people can only dream of and you wouldn’t even believe people actually own and yet after a month, despite still admiring the beauty or the size of it you completely become desensitized to it. Suddenly it’s your home/workplace, and that’s that, l and a castle-sized home can just about start feeling cramped/or just being annoying due to its size.

It’s very strange how quickly our brain normalizes things.

This is honestly one of the most interesting threads I have read on Mumsnet so thank you!

In terms of speaking a second language, is your mother tongue one that would generally be seen as beneficial to speak alongside English or taught as a MFL in schools (Eg: Spanish, French) or is it less common (Eg: Latvian, Zulu etc) - just curious as you say you speak it with your babies but as you only have them for such a short time I’m wondering if it’s something that they would then carry on once you’ve moved on? Or would parents be likely to choose the next nanny who had the same languages? Or is wanting nannies who are multi-lingual more about the need to travel?

Very interesting thank you. But your life is tough! And you're not being paid enough for such intensive work that leaves you with no life for months on end. I wouldn't do it.

I find it very weird how mums would want their babies looked after to this extent. Regardless of their wealth. I wanted to be with my babies 24/7 almost when they were babies. I breastfed them and they slept with me. I find it weird that they don't have that maternal instinct even if they can afford to have someone look after their baby.

And even if I wanted the break I would worry about my baby being more attached to the nanny than me or having attachment issues if their primary carer between 0-3 months suddenly vanished from their lives.

I did a similar job for 5 months OP- stopped as I hated the family and went back to civvy street. Really objected to the mums 'mother' calling me 'the help' (I was in my early 30's) and the housekeeper seemingly spying on me.

Hi!

just realized I forgot to go back to this thread and answer your questions @MolkosTeenageAngst , so apologies!

My native language is one of the more common ones and so one parents are usually keen for their kids to learn. The length of my stay also varies from family to family but if I stay for the first year and half usually the kid will understand it fully and maybe say a few words. Families either then pick a nanny with the same language or someone with a different language but put kids in a bilingual daycare/school or get them a tutor if they want the child to keep it up. Some families don’t care much about languages though, so it’s very dependent.

Speaking multiple languages is definitely useful for traveling but I don’t think families value the language for that reason because usually you can get by with English, but my language skills have definitely been helpful in a few countries as I could easily translate and ask all the important questions to locals who might not speak English well or can’t truly understand it as to avoid confusion and make sure we have or give accurate information.

@Vikinga Definitely hard for me to grasp at times as well, I am not a mom so I don’t know what I would feel but I have always imagined I would feel similarly to you. I mean I know as a nanny I already have a hard time letting them go on my day off, and miss them so much when I leave, but I do think some parents are genuinely at peace knowing their baby/babies are well taken care off by someone they trust.

@Crikeyalmighty That sounds really awful!
Sorry you went through that! I would absolutely quit if a family called me “the help” and treated me as dirt under their shoe.

I usually try to pick chill parents, even in formal settings as that’s who I vibe best with and who, I think, I am best suited for as I do all the formal things no problem, but definitely refuse to treat anybody as superior or to act as if they are, irrelevant of their rank in society or their position to me which I think would bother extremely strict formal household quite a bit!

Morning folks. We seem to have had an annoying glitch causing duplicate posts. Sorry about that - we've now withdrawn the many duplicates, @VIPNanny - hope that helps

@LivMumsnet Thank you, yes!

I think because this thread was created around the time the new Mumsnet platform was put in place it bugs a little when I post, whoopsies! But thank you for fixing it!

I knew a girl years ago who nannied for a VERY famous woman in London (everyone on this site would be aware of her or her work). It was so weird. The nanny would talk about her concerns about the little girl she looked after, how she never saw her mother, was used as a prop in her mum's life but otherwise ignored, was so clearly at the bottom of her mum's priority list - but the mother was lauded in the press for being this amazing hands-on single mum while also being super busy with her work. I remember reading an interview with the mum where she talked about how much she loved being a mum, and how she only had a nanny for when she was forced to be away from her daughter, when the nanny told me that the little girl had been so looking forward to her mum coming back from a long trip away, then she only spent ten minutes with her child before her equally famous movie star boyfriend turned off and whisked her off to the US in his private jet, no notice for the little one. The nanny said she was torn about what to do: she wanted to resign, as it was breaking her heart, but also she recognised she was the only secure figure in that child's life and felt a responsibility to her. I remember in that press article the journalist actually mentioned the nanny, and described how capable and down to earth she seemed. I wonder if the journalist had recognised who was actually doing most of the parenting of that little girl, even while gushing over what a brilliant mum the celebrity was in this piece.
So I guess my question is: have you ever featured in any media about your families? And if so, was it accurate?

Decades ago one of the celebrities I did 8 weeks maternity nursing for then handed over to a nanny, later featured in 'Life in the day of' feature in the Sunday Times magazine. It was all about how she didn't have any help as she was so besotted with her baby and couldn't bear to be apart from her, etc. All nonsense, in fact she went off to Marbella with a friend for a week during my 8 weeks there!

I take these articles with a big pinch of salt, rather like celebrities who claim to be vegan, organic, do the housework as a form of exercise, had only just a smidgen of Botox, have one glass of wine as a treat on Friday, etc.

I have never featured in any media about any of the families I have worked for (not to my knowledge anyway) but I have definitely read articles related to families I have worked with and had to smile because, well, it was definitely each time a very embellished version of the truth and yes, surprisingly no mention of the help and huge implication that they did a lot more (if not the whole lot) themselves than they actually did.

I think that’s how a lot of human works though, they probably 1- downplay to themselves how much help they do get 2- probably feel embarrassed how much help deep down they know they do ask for 3- don’t want to be judged by others and so give what they feel is a white lie and « almost the truth » anyway.

I totally totally understand your friend though, I have definitely been in that position many time and usually stayed until either the end of my contract or a suitable replacement was found but it was heartbreaking because you do feel like you give up on the kid and that you are causing them further trauma, so a horrible position to be in!

Absolutely. I think ironically even people who already have so much and more than enough to make most people jealous still feel the need to fake certain aspects of their life.

it’s quite sad actually!

What’s always interesting to me about people who lie publicly is that, don’t they feel weird about it in regards to their friends. I am sure they don’t really care what the staff think but most of those people’s friends know what happens behind closed doors, they know they have Nannies, etc… (it’s not like they hide us) so isn’t it weird to lie so blatantly when your friends might read it and know you are full of shit? It just seems odd and I don’t think I could so confidently do it!

Fab thread op