I have hosted many Afghan refugees in my spare room, and will continue to offer it. AMA

[54321nought]

Leading on from another thread, where concerns were raised about finding housing for the number of refugees coming into the UK, and whether they would be a threat to those offering to house them.

I have supported refugees, mostly Afghan refugees in a number of ways for many years, including hosting in my spare room.

I have never had an Afghan guest who has been anything other than polite, deferential, and unassuming, but very very interesting when they have opened up.

I also feel there is a misconception about the number s involved. It sounds like big numbers, but it is less than 1% of the number of English residents that die in an average year, just to put it into perspective - it is really not going to increase our population at all

And as far as housing goes, there is asylum seeker housing, but there is no refugee housing, hence why people like me host them. They are certainly not jumping the housing queue!

If you don't get any financial help, how much would you say it costs you a week to look after a refugee? Do you provide all their meals? Also what about clothing?

Thank you so much for this thread @54321nought. It’s fascinating and inspiring! We’re not in a position to do anything like you do (small children and in a rented 2 bed) but volunteering in conversational English classes as mentioned by a PP is something I’m going to look in to.

@Fiddliestofsticks

Can you house more than one at a time? I thought you'd be able to if you had the room, but it was interesting that you mentioned they can feel uncomfortably meeting new people from their home country due to the infighting.

Has anything ever happened which made you uncomfortable? What can you do, if you feel that it just isnt working out or you dont feel safe with a particular person?

I have housed couples, and mothers with babies, but it is a very small room, and so only suitable for two people for a short time in an emergency, when the alternative is sleeping rough

Yes, hosts with more rooms and more space do house more than one, either two people who know each other, or two people from different countries, generally

Yes, I am sometimes uncomfortable, even anxious - it isn't a "comfortable" thing to do, so I accept it is sometimes stressful, particularly the first night when you have no idea how it is going to go.

Things that have made me most uncomfortable - one individual with a phobia about my pets, obviously that should have been picked up on before we were matched, as I always ask the charity to check the guest is OK with animals - that was a very difficult 2 days, with the cats trapped in my room trying to escape, while a new host was found

The other thing that makes me uncomfortable which has happened more than once, and generally with females, is attempting to make themselves into my servant, scrubbing floors, cleaning windows, even changing my bedclothes - I think the motivation is to try and make themselves invaluable so the placement becomes permanent , so I understand what is behind that behaviour - I hate it though, and have to make them stop!

I expect them to do their own washing up, and clean the bathroom rather than leave it in a state, and keep most of their possessions in their own room - thats it really. I have sometimes accepted help with a cleaning or gardening task while chatting, as you would with a friend, but please do not take it upon yourself to start doing unsolicited housework in my house in my absence!

I have never felt that I am likely to be under any threat, really - I think the chances of a guest harming a host are almost zero. I also think the chances of a guest harming one of my animals is very very small, although this is more likely, so this worries me sometimes

Have you kept in touch with any of them and do you know whether they are happy in the UK. Must be so incredibly hard to leave everything behind, family, friends, job etc etc can’t even imagine it.

Genuinely one of the most interesting AMA I've ever read.

We don't have a spare room, but something I would seriously consider if/when we have.

@54321nought

Very inspiring, we have spare rooms, I'm going to look into it, we could take a family too.

As an aside my brother had an Afghan lodger who had been resettled here with indefinite leave to remain - he was an interpreter. He was working, apparently the most amazing cook and very chatty but actively avoided socialising with other Afghans or even Pakistanis, never went to mosque because he was worried about repercussions due to his previous job for the British - he married a British Indian woman who was (non religious) Christian and they moved into their own place obviously.

@Mamamia7962

If you don't get any financial help, how much would you say it costs you a week to look after a refugee? Do you provide all their meals? Also what about clothing?

I suppose £20-£30, all in, I provide travel cards for bus and train to medical and legal appointments

I don't have to provide food or travel - I choose to - the charity would pay them a small allowance for food shopping if I didn't

I have given clothes for Christmas and birthday presents. Some arrive with a small carrier bag, but others have arrived with a whole taxi full of luggage and already have far more clothes than I do!

@DomPom47

Have you kept in touch with any of them and do you know whether they are happy in the UK. Must be so incredibly hard to leave everything behind, family, friends, job etc etc can’t even imagine it.

most of them have moved on, and I don't know how they are, I am still in touch with around half a dozen, one comes for Christmas and has house sat for us to look after the animals when we go away. Others are settled and happy, doing well, 2 have gone to university. I have a wedding invite on my notice board! but postponed due to covid, so I don't know when it will happen now

[quote gogohm]@54321nought

Very inspiring, we have spare rooms, I'm going to look into it, we could take a family too.

As an aside my brother had an Afghan lodger who had been resettled here with indefinite leave to remain - he was an interpreter. He was working, apparently the most amazing cook and very chatty but actively avoided socialising with other Afghans or even Pakistanis, never went to mosque because he was worried about repercussions due to his previous job for the British - he married a British Indian woman who was (non religious) Christian and they moved into their own place obviously. [/quote]
It is not just Afghanis that may avoid meeting their own compatriots, lots of refugees do, quite understandably. Putting two refugees from the same country together could be like placing a Jew with a Nazi...

@LimberlostLark

Genuinely one of the most interesting AMA I've ever read.

We don't have a spare room, but something I would seriously consider if/when we have.

Thank you - I am glad people are interested in this

Thank you for this thread. It's something I've considered for when we have a spare room.

How were the lockdowns for you?

@54321nought

Leading on from another thread, where concerns were raised about finding housing for the number of refugees coming into the UK, and whether they would be a threat to those offering to house them.

I have supported refugees, mostly Afghan refugees in a number of ways for many years, including hosting in my spare room.

I have never had an Afghan guest who has been anything other than polite, deferential, and unassuming, but very very interesting when they have opened up.

I also feel there is a misconception about the number s involved. It sounds like big numbers, but it is less than 1% of the number of English residents that die in an average year, just to put it into perspective - it is really not going to increase our population at all

And as far as housing goes, there is asylum seeker housing, but there is no refugee housing, hence why people like me host them. They are certainly not jumping the housing queue!

Thank goodness there are people like you in this world OP. Thank you 💛

Gary Lineker & Deborah Frances-White (of the Guilty Feminist podcast) also do this.

I'm sorry if you have said already but can you post a link to the charity who facilitate this please OP?

God bless you

@Tealightsandd

I don't mean young people. There are many older people on the streets - including victims of domestic violence (some are British but others are migrants with insecure status who can't easily access refuges or other accomodation). Sorry derailing a bit. I'm just thinking how good it would be to have a similar scheme (or merge it?) for homeless (British or foreign born).

What was your experience when you opened your home to someone in need?

Can’t bear the ‘what about our own’ stuff from people who wouldn’t dream of doing what the OP does. It was a common theme on the thread about where refugees would live. The worst kind of whatabouttery.

If anyone is interested these links may be helpful

www.google.co.uk/amp/s/amp.theguardian.com/world/2015/sep/11/how-do-i-offer-a-room-to-a-refugee

www.roomforrefugees.com/

www.refugeesathome.org/

Thanks OP for such an inspiring and hopeful thread

What do you do if they don’t speak any English ( or do they all tend to)?
Have you had to resort to communication via Google Translate?

Bravo OP! You are inspiring. Hope you don’t mind me jumping in to post a link - for those who can’t commit to hosting but would like to help, this charity is looking for people in London and Teeside, to befriend a refugee …

www.hostnation.org.uk/

Do you think the charities would be ok, and would you be comfortable, hosting with a baby/young child in the house? We have a couple of spare rooms and I’d be interested in hosting but I’m not sure about the practicalities of having strangers in the house while we have a baby/toddler.

@Siepie could you message me the link of the charity to help with language, I would love to do that.

@OhYouBadBadKitten

How were the lockdowns for you?

There was much less need in lock downs, as the government paid for rough sleepers to be put up in hotels that were not in use

@Enterthewolves

If anyone is interested these links may be helpful

www.google.co.uk/amp/s/amp.theguardian.com/world/2015/sep/11/how-do-i-offer-a-room-to-a-refugee

www.roomforrefugees.com/

www.refugeesathome.org/

Thanks OP for such an inspiring and hopeful thread

Thank you for posting these links.

The refugee council is another organisation that gives people the opportunity to support refugees in other ways

www.refugeecouncil.org.uk/

@Jng1

What do you do if they don’t speak any English ( or do they all tend to)? Have you had to resort to communication via Google Translate?

yes, we have used google translate!

The quiet man who smiled in his new Christmas clothes made me cry.
What a wonderful thread OP, so interesting and inspiring. I would worry about having a male stranger as a guest , is violence or sexual assault never a concern ?
I live very rurally, and have young daughters and no spare room, but I think this is something that in different circumstances I would like to do.