I have hosted many Afghan refugees in my spare room, and will continue to offer it. AMA

[54321nought]

Leading on from another thread, where concerns were raised about finding housing for the number of refugees coming into the UK, and whether they would be a threat to those offering to house them.

I have supported refugees, mostly Afghan refugees in a number of ways for many years, including hosting in my spare room.

I have never had an Afghan guest who has been anything other than polite, deferential, and unassuming, but very very interesting when they have opened up.

I also feel there is a misconception about the number s involved. It sounds like big numbers, but it is less than 1% of the number of English residents that die in an average year, just to put it into perspective - it is really not going to increase our population at all

And as far as housing goes, there is asylum seeker housing, but there is no refugee housing, hence why people like me host them. They are certainly not jumping the housing queue!

Not died here, came here. I'm so sorry

@Maireas

Has anything really surprised you about any of your guests?

surprises I have had -

how beautiful Afghanistan is, from the photos I have seen

how well some of the men can cook and clean

what things they have struggled with in our culture - one was distraught after hearing a customer in a shop asking for a receipt so he could claim money back from his mum - apparently you don't claim money back from your mum if you go shopping for her in Afghanistan! I've also had difficulty explaining the concept of local elections/ old people's homes/fire safety regulations/

I've had to prevent some of them doing house work - its like they wanted to "earn their keep" and were prepared to act as servants, but obviously not something I wanted.

Several have also tried to stop me paying for workmen, and want to do house repairs themselves, including things like central heating and boiler repairs, for which you need recognised British qualifications, which is hard to explain

How much affection has been poured out onto our cats and rabbits

How many languages some of them can speak fluently

How complicated the tribal system is in Afghanistan -

How much gusto some of them have put in to celebrating Christmas with us! Thank fully Jengo needs no language! but causes great excitement

How many women refugees there are

How many don't know their age or date of birth - when this happens they have a medical exam and are given and "official" date of birth by the home office- as you cannot exist in our culture with no date of birth.

One told me once that he thought he was at least 10 years younger than his official DOB

Sometimes I am amazed at how quiet a young man can be for how long- sometimes a guest just remains in their room in silence day after day. One young man who did this never once spoke a word to me. On Christmas day we left some clothes wrapped up outside his room for him, and the only time he ever actually communicated directly with me was when he put them on and came out onto the stairs and smiled at me in silence, then hid again.

Wow this is fascinating reading

I don't understand how you can not know your date of birth and how old you are?

Did the quiet one not answer questions or anything?
Was it not awkward or anything?

@purpleme12

Wow this is fascinating reading

I don't understand how you can not know your date of birth and how old you are?

I guess it is very highly important in all sorts of ways in our culture, but not necessarily in other cultures, and in war situations or refugee camps, you might just never have that conversation, or even be with anyone who knows to tell you

@purpleme12

Did the quiet one not answer questions or anything? Was it not awkward or anything?

when I was showing him around and asking if he understood what I was saying, he did nod once or twice, but of course I didn't really know if he understood

Lots of my students have January 1st as their DoB. Way more than would be expected - I've never asked for fear of being rude but have you found this too?

@Workyticket

Lots of my students have January 1st as their DoB. Way more than would be expected - I've never asked for fear of being rude but have you found this too?

yes, very common in "official" dates of birth

That's an amazing thing to do, and something id like to do later in my life.

Do you have your own children living with you? And would you do it if you did? I don't know if I could put my children through having strangers in and out of the house.

Also, are any pm the refugees that you put up children themselves?

@miltonj

That's an amazing thing to do, and something id like to do later in my life.

Do you have your own children living with you? And would you do it if you did? I don't know if I could put my children through having strangers in and out of the house.

Also, are any pm the refugees that you put up children themselves?

Yes I have children who were teens when I started taking in refugees, and who are at university now. Both boys, so I mostly have male refugees, if they will be here when my DC are home, as a female might feel very vulnerable

Short stays during term time, when I am living alone, I take male or female guests

Yes I have had mother and baby several times, and before this, as a foster carer I have taken lone child refugees

Thank you.

My voluntary work involves visiting people in immigration detention/removal centres. Someone like you (but not you) opened their home to someone I befriended in the centre, when they became homeless following being freed on immigration bail.

This person would literally have been on the streets (and it was the middle of winter in the middle of lockdown) had it not been for the organisation and individual prepared to step in for a stranger.

Most people I have taken in would have been on the streets, otherwise - and some were

@54321nought

Most people I have taken in would have been on the streets, otherwise - and some were

Which is what I assumed based on my own experience and what I know of the organisations and volunteers that do this.

That's amazing Op - thank you for doing this.

Thank you, OP. This is really interesting and something I've wanted to do myself but my house isn't really suitable. It might be when the DC are a bit older.

It was something my parents did and my grandma (but not in an organised way through a charity) and I've always felt that it's something I should do if I could.

That’s amazing OP. It’s something I’d really like to do when my DS is a bit older.

I volunteer at conversational English sessions for refugees and asylum seekers. It’s lovely, very relaxed, mainly just having a cup of tea and a natter! The largest group there are Iranian, but they also have very interesting stories to tell.

It’s designed to help with isolation as much as English skills, so you don’t need any teaching knowledge. We also signpost to the charity’s other services, e.g. people who can support with accessing healthcare or school places.

I won’t name the charity as it’s local and I don’t want to give my location away, but there are similar charities across the country. Just an idea for anyone else who wants to help (in a small way!) but can’t house someone at the minute.

I've been wondering about this too.

I have worked with a local charity to house pregnant and parenting homeless single mums. But that was a LOT of input and too much for me now (I did it for about 5 or 6 years).

Is it fairly low-input? With the girls I had to check in every day, cook, go to the shops once a week, medical and baby appointments etc. And many had drug issues, violent exes etc. which was risky.

I would love to do this, but we don’t have a suitable house. Maybe when the children have left home. Thank you for doing this. I love hearing about other cultures and their stories, it is heartbreaking that so much of the world is at war.

@debbrianna

You are amazing. Thank you!

^ this to you Op @54321nought

I would love to do this when I have room - my DP will take some convincing though I can imagine.

What happens at the end of the placement? Do they go to another host family? Or do they normally have their own housing sorted out by then?

Do they normally cook for themselves or do they eat your meals? Or do they prefer eating ready meal type things?

Have you tried a lot of Afghan food via them cooking and you trying it? (apologies if that's not the correct way to refer to the cusine).

I have stayed with host families (for charity work) a few times in different countries and one thing I always found hard was adjusting to the foods they cooked me.

I can imagine your guests find English food strange at first.

@MrsTerryPratchett

I've been wondering about this too.

I have worked with a local charity to house pregnant and parenting homeless single mums. But that was a LOT of input and too much for me now (I did it for about 5 or 6 years).

Is it fairly low-input? With the girls I had to check in every day, cook, go to the shops once a week, medical and baby appointments etc. And many had drug issues, violent exes etc. which was risky.

Its as much input as you want - you can specify to the charity that you don't have time to interact at all, and then only guests with low needs will be offered to you

@redtshirt50

I would love to do this when I have room - my DP will take some convincing though I can imagine.

What happens at the end of the placement? Do they go to another host family? Or do they normally have their own housing sorted out by then?

Do they normally cook for themselves or do they eat your meals? Or do they prefer eating ready meal type things?

Have you tried a lot of Afghan food via them cooking and you trying it? (apologies if that's not the correct way to refer to the cusine).

I have stayed with host families (for charity work) a few times in different countries and one thing I always found hard was adjusting to the foods they cooked me.

I can imagine your guests find English food strange at first.

The placement can end in lots of different ways.

Sadly, sometimes through deportation

More likely, when a long term guest is on their feet, working, and able to source their own accommodation, there are charities which will help with deposits for private renting, and my charity will give a reference. Many will move into private flat shares, etc. Sometimes they have fled to the UK with other family members, and will eventually move in together - they generally are not housed together or anywhere near each other once they arrive in the UK, so it can be quite a big move, one moved around 300 miles away after his cousin rented a house near where he was working, so it was nice the family were together, but of course our guest left his job, and the friends he had made, and started all over again.

failed asylum seekers who manage to get an appeal restarted will move back into asylum seeker accommodation

Sometimes we take an asylum seeker, who is eligible for asylum seeker accommodation, but there is a hold up in placing them. Sometime this is literally 24 or 48 hours - it is not unusual at all for an asylum seeker to be sitting in their solicitors office at 4pm on a Friday not knowing if they will be housed that night, or told to sleep on the street and come back Monday morning

Sometimes they move on to other families, if the deadline I have given is coming up, for example I generally only take females during term time, as there are too many complications with having young men return home from university while there is a shy young girl in the house. In these cases I generally remind the charity that the placement is ending about 2 weeks before hand, and there is the inevitable conversation about am I sure, and then a bit of time to identify the next placement, then a taxi arrives to move them on.

I do tell all my guests how long they can stay, so it would never be a surprised to anyone if they are asked to leave - generally I say 6 months for a male, and until the uni holiday for a female. - Very few stay that long though

I offer both to share my own meals, and a shelf in the fridge with basics which is for them to cook for themselves. Then once I see what they like, I buy more of that. Some like microwaveable ready meals, some like fresh veg to cook for themselves, some have cooked for us, yes! They are unlikely to have the money to shop for themselves, but some do

Can you house more than one at a time? I thought you'd be able to if you had the room, but it was interesting that you mentioned they can feel uncomfortably meeting new people from their home country due to the infighting.

Has anything ever happened which made you uncomfortable? What can you do, if you feel that it just isnt working out or you dont feel safe with a particular person?

Thank you for doing what you do

Are the refugees all young single people, or have you hosted families too?