My partner is addicted to crack and heroin AMA

[Adventuritis]

Just want to be able to help if anyone has suspicions about a loved one...
There are so many misconceptions.

1500 -2,000 service users over the time I was there. There were, at best, 10 'success' stories
oh, that's a harsh reality to face isnt it:(

@beantrader

This thread smacks (lol no pun intended) of a type of 'tourism' as in "oh look at me, I understand this addict and no else does, I have so much insight, things others don't know. I am special"

Much like when men I dated would look at me wide eyed "I've never dated an Asian girl before" as if this was going to be some kind of adventure

"Look at me Mums Net, I date a drug-addled criminal"

How does he dispose of his used needles? I hope other people aren't being put at risk like the bin men for example?

You do rather make it sound as if rescuing him is your mid-life 'project.'

@formerbabe

How does he dispose of his used needles? I hope other people aren't being put at risk like the bin men for example?

If he gets his needles from a pharmacy then they will also supply him with a sharps box.

@Yohoheaveho

Geidi that was a touching and very honest thread about your own recovery. Stay strong I also read your AMA Geidi, thank you for writing it and being so open. I wish you all the best

I've just read parts of this thread and it was very touching, I feel like the op needs to go and read that one now!

Op I do hope you're still around and reading some of the responses, as harsh as some may seem I think you are trying to romanticise and justify this situation as normal. It's nothing like obesity/smoking fags or alcohol. The fact of the matter is your living a piss poor life when you deserve much more and you are failing to see the bigger picture in what you are contributing to here which other pps have pointed out (fraudulently claiming from charities, drug trafficking etc)

It's interesting to see other people's stories here too, not one has spoke about it in the way you do as they love/loved these people and wanted the best for them...it's slightly odd how much you normalise it and I'm really sorry to say you are actually doing yourself and him more harm than good.

How did you two meet? I’d be interested to know what ages you both are? And, I’m sorry if this is pointed or rude, what do you honestly get out of the relationship?

I used to work with chaotic drinkers and drug users and it was one of the saddest jobs I've ever had. I only lasted 18 months before I headed back to general nursing.(I have a dual qualification). A massively high percentage of the clients had been victims of sexual abuse in childhood, both male and female. A lot of them had lost all hope. Others attended the centre because it was a condition of their parole and not because they wanted to get into recovery. There was a breezy camaraderie between some of them, but not many had actual friendship groups and/or supportive families.

OP, it doesn't sound like your partner wants to stop and it is such a relentless, unhappy carousel to be on.

Staying with an addict is not worth. I left my weed addicted ex after he started rolling up in front of our DD. Addicts seldom change. Leave and move on with someone who actually wants to be in a partnership with you and not mind altering substance.

How do you feel about the fact that you are enabling him, Op?

I wish you all the best.

So this wasn't really an AMA.

Op I'd like to know if you're prepared to find him dead one day. Have you really thought about that?

May I ask how you found out and how long into the relationship it was?

Ps: if he's doing heroin on top of methodone he is definitely getting high otherwise the methodone would be enough

I did a similar AMA recently (only had a few responses though) but I met my ex partner when she was working behind a bar somewhere I frequented. Drug addicts walks amongst us unfortunately.

@Iminaglasscaseofemotion it seems not. My question was simple too

Sorry! Just finished work, was expecting one or two replies so a bit overwhelmed! Will read through and reply in a bit. Haven't run away!

How old are you both, OP? Do you see this relationship lasting the rest of your lives?

Glad you're still here @Adventuritis

I'm also interested to know how old you both are?

Do you ever worry that you are in love with the 'on drugs him' and that if he ever gets clean, he will be less appealing to you?

You haven't seen his 'real self' because he's always high and he probably never thinks about who you are (except as a kind, loving resource provider). I would think that you can't possibly really know each other very well at all.

For what it's worth, I think you are 100% ruining your life, and quite possibly his by your attitude of "it's just a little bit to keep him relaxed". This is heroin and crack, not a joint on a Friday night, or a glass of wine with dinner. I'm very liberal with my views but this is too far out for me, what would the younger you have done, stayed with an addict because he's "fun to spend time with"? This is heroin and crack. Sooner or later you'll find yourself penniless and heartbroken - he's either dead or has stolen your purse. The odds are not in your favour. I heartily wish you both well, but this is not sustainable. Just my opinion. Good luck to you both.

@GeidiPrimes

You sound addicted to him OP That's what I thought too. It's very common in co-dependent relationships.

I'm an addict in recovery OP (smack + methadone, no crack) and can honestly tell you that addicts always place their drug of choice as more important than anything else, nothing comes remotely close. Are you Ok with that? My addiction was caused by childhood trauma and I found heroin helped to blot it out. I found anti-depressants to be most helpful since detoxing from opiates. Has he considered this? (I do feel drug services would work much more efficiently if they worked more in tandem with MH services as I've never met an addict who hadn't suffered some kind of trauma.)

Would you like him to stop? He'll be a very different person (not the one you fell in love with) if/when he does.

I definitely disagree that I'm addicted to him or the situation. I have massive respect for you and your achievement and just a hope that one day he can achieve that too. I understand what you're saying about him being different if not using and agree totally. We've talked about that and it's one of those things you just don't know til it happens. He has however managed periods varying from a few days, weeks or up to about a month and a half without using so I have some idea, how permanent abstinence will be though is unknown to both of us. I totally agree with what you say about the lack of cohesion between mental heath support and drug support. He asked for anti depressants but was turned down flat. They also refused sleeping pills, or anything else for that matter to help with a detox which is very demoralising when he's motivated to change. His drug worker offered him one to one counselling sessions in September 2019 and we're still waiting for them to happen. He does do well and then something happens and he reverts to his old coping mechanism of drug use. He needs help to learn new strategies but it do hard to find that help. He then becomes demotivated and the cycle starts again.

@TheQueef

Sorry to repeat my Q in case you didn't see it...

What about the crack?
No addiction is pleasant but crack really is the worse (rapidly chased by mamba) so what's the plan?
The (biased) data from the USA is a grim prognosis and crack hasn't been around long enough for robust data so who knows the full picture.
What happens when he can't get base?

Yes I hate the crack! To be honest I don't know! The heroin causes actual physical withdraw pain but crack is all psychological- I think he finds that harder to deal with. I honestly don't know what will happen long term. He hates his dependence on these drugs but to a certain extent the shame he feels stops him being honest about the depth of his dependence so it's a vicious circle.

What on earth is he contributing in any possible way to make your life better? You're not naive you're foolish.

He's on benefits, blowing tax money on that shite, and he IS getting money from somewhere else, they all do.

Well he'll die prematurely, as long as you prepare yourself for that.

I think my opinion has completely changed on this thread...from rtft properly including the initial "there are misconceptions" I've gathered that you've led an extremely sheltered life and most likely a stable upbringing..you've been exposed to this in your later years and are now in awe/fascinated by how addicts live their lives occasionally having little meetings at your house with all his pals trying to play mother Teresa.

I've been with an addict (not heroin) i was raised by a father with a drug problem and exposed to things I shouldn't have been at a very young age, my best friend grew up with a heroin/crack addict as a mother and I also had many friends in my rebellious years whom have since died from heroin addictions. I'm a very liberal person and have a lot of time for people from all walks of life I'd never in a million years call an addict a scumbag and it's pissed me off someone in this thread has done it but you are not being helpful/open/liberal by doing what you are doing for god sake!

Your trying to somehow normalise what he's doing by proving to people there are misconceptions and hes normal so long as he shoots up 3 times a day in my bathroom.

If you love him leave him, your facilitating his habit by playing the "I'm not judging you've had a hard past". I've never come across one person in my life who watches a loved one kill themselves daily without loudly stating enough is enough.

It's all about him :-/
OP how can this be better than being single?