My partner is addicted to crack and heroin AMA

[Adventuritis]

Just want to be able to help if anyone has suspicions about a loved one...
There are so many misconceptions.

Sorry to repeat my Q in case you didn't see it...

What about the crack?
No addiction is pleasant but crack really is the worse (rapidly chased by mamba) so what's the plan?
The (biased) data from the USA is a grim prognosis and crack hasn't been around long enough for robust data so who knows the full picture.
What happens when he can't get base?

@GeidiPrimes, good and sympathetic post, and from a place of obvious knowledge. Have you considered doing an AMA about how you got to the stage you're at now?

Here's one I did earlier!

What do your children think (if you have kids)?

[quote GeidiPrimes]**@GeidiPrimes, good and sympathetic post, and from a place of obvious knowledge. Have you considered doing an AMA about how you got to the stage you're at now?

Here's one I did earlier! [/quote]
Duh -- sorry, @GeidiPrimes, I even read your own AMA, but didn't make the connection here. Kudos to you, you're doing a very tough thing.

Some of these responses I completely understand OP and good for you for supporting him and living him. Addicts are people too, they do not set out to be addicts, circumstances lead to this.

I'm interested to know how you've met many many addicts and been able to talk to them about their problems, their childhood at length..Are they addicts your partner lives with in a shared house? Or his friendship circle?

You're right, he will never get off heroin without moving away (or removing himself) from his circle.

Geidi that was a touching and very honest thread about your own recovery. Stay strong

I don't think the responses have been harsh, more coming from a place of concern. OP will seem like an excellent opportunity to an addict, because she doesn't have many boundaries. I hope you're still reading OP. Sometimes we can't see a situation for what it is until it's held up to a bit of scrutiny.

Aw thanks Smiley and Bailegangaire

OP might be very co-dependent.

I know co dependency doesnt propel you to the gutter at 60 mph but it stops you sitting with your own thoughts, stops you being present.
I used to be co-dependent, i get it.

Have you ever been around him during a withdrawal OP? I really hope you've got some support in real life. Please don't isolate yourself.

Op, I worked as a drugs support worker for 5 years in the early 2000's. I left for a couple of reasons but mainly due to becoming utterly disillusioned with the world and developing a skewed view due to the sector of society I was working most closely with.

Our drugs project worked with maybe 1500 -2,000 service users over the time I was there. There were, at best, 10 'success' stories, ie clients successfully completed rehab, took the help and support on offer and moved away from the lifestyle and scene which always included crime. We used to say that often the only way to treat these people would be to invent time machines and take them back to their first experience of neglect, trauma, abuse and exposure. Otherwise, we just fought the many, many tiny fires. Extinguish one and another would ignite.

That you are able to have a stable relationship is fascinating and unique, I would say. So long as you are fully aware of all sides of the drug using behaviour then you will be a very little risk- protecting yourself from all eventualities is important and you sound like you are already aware of that. You sound very caring and kind though hopefully you keep his lifestyle acquaintances at arms length and use all of your judgment as not all will be as genuine as your partner appears to be.

Name changed for this op

Your two years in. You've been convinced by the sound of it that it's ok to be dragged into someone else's spiral and that's ok but it will never end unless he gets properly sorted or you walk away.

He has no reason to try and stop because you've accepted that lifestyle so for him your a great cover as is normally the case.
Strong independent partner alongside them makes them look like a totally normal set up but as you know it's far from it.

If your happy to sell yourself short and be low priority for years to come and every now and then Youl get to the stage you've had enough and walk away and then Youl end up going back regardless of how much you think your in control you aren't.

The drugs will always take priority and control.

The fact that he takes the drugs as well as a prescription medication shows he doesn't want to try and get a better life for himself.
He's resigned himself to it and Hel drag you down with him eventually.

Hel say the right things when he isn't in a chaotic mind set because he needs to get his next lot but their mind is never thinking of you or your relationship.

And you say he does normal
Things but a normal
Relationship isn't based on just life's practicals is it ?

Feeling low priority and disrespected will come eventually. Along with not feeling good enough for him to want to get clean and it will play havoc with your nerves and your confidence eventually. You will dull your personality and opinions to suit the situation until you realise your so unhappy and you've wasted years on someone who won't ever change for themselves or you

Addictions make me really sad. The numbing of pain has always been so obvious in the addicts I have met and worked with.

Your DP sounds like he had a very painful childhood and has never processed the true pain of it.

I hope it works out

Yes, to be able to maintain a relationship is unusual when one is not an addict.
It must require a lot of denial and rationisation.
Interestingly russell brand talks about co dependency in the same way as he talks about addition. It's another way of evading pain.

@Adventuritis Has he ever tried Kratom? I know of addicts that control themselves with this, I used it to get off a painkiller addiction, and im just about to start it again as fallen into a painkiller trap again.

Wow this is truly a unique/interesting read, op does he have children? How do you feel when you think of spending your life with him?

Sorry that question sounds so bleak I'm just genuinely interested...my ex was an addict (not heroin) and it came above anything and everything in his life, I tried being the saviour I was highly co dependent and I'm also a natural empath so seeing people struggling I immediately want to save them! Was hard to get away but I had to for ds safety. I'd have very dark days sometimes when I thought about growing old with him.

As per my name change my ex was/is an addict. I stayed through 3 years of knowing about. Lived with him and his child and basically took care of both. He had his moments of wanting to sort his life and is now in his 4th stint at rehab but I am no longer involved. I don't believe it's a good way for anyone to live. You will come second always. He will steal from you/other people and eventually make you paranoid about whether he is telling the truth or not.
I've seen the help for addicts and yes it isn't much but there is more there if you're willing to change and put the effort in. It sounds like yours is not and counts the calls as a box ticking exercise to get his methadone. And he is still wasting the little time these places have!
Don't even get me started on the PIP money. Especially if he's using it to fund the drugs.

Is op still answering? Do you seen an impact on his health? Do you have a sexual relationship?

I think OPs sometimes start these types of threads to scaffold a defense mechanism (denial) that they are in control, that it's a choice they can justify, and then every post after the original post challenges their denial, so they read the first few replies and think we are viewing it wrong.

My dad died of a heroin overdose 4 children under 16 left behind its a terrible drug that leaves so much distruction in its path. I really hope he hasn’t got children.

He's breaking the law. Don't facilitate a criminal.

This thread smacks (lol no pun intended) of a type of 'tourism' as in "oh look at me, I understand this addict and no else does, I have so much insight, things others don't know. I am special"

Much like when men I dated would look at me wide eyed "I've never dated an Asian girl before" as if this was going to be some kind of adventure

There have been some really thoughtful questions and comments on this thread, as well as some quite judgmental responses. To the pp who was disgusted at the thought that the partner could have lost his teeth because of the methadone, I hope you never have to face your DH losing their teeth due to cancer treatment for example (I was not disgusted when DH only had 3 teeth left in his mouth because he was still alive).

OP, I have no experience of living with an addict. My BIL was one, he died recently from a combination of cancer and Covid, but had lots of health complications because of the drugs. It isn't easy for the families and loved ones when they see their person physically failing because of their addiction. It is something to bear in mind though, because he may not overdose, but it isn't doing him any good. I hope you have support in real life that you can turn to if things become unmanageable.

I have a sibling (we are NC if having no idea where they are is NC) who has a very similar sounding addiction. I find it genuinely shocking you are minimising a serious, serious drug addiction to be comparable to having an 'addicition' to tea with oat milk. My sibling still lived with my mum at the worst and she had to have stunt bank cards in her purse and sleep with her handbag with a lock on the inside of her bedroom door. He stole her cards and set up PayPal accounts with them to buy drugs, at one point she had to remortgage. That's aside from how the drugs made him behaviour which was truly distressing for everyone involved. She fully concedes her co-dependency made the situation worse. This will only end badly.

Geidi that was a touching and very honest thread about your own recovery. Stay strong
I also read your AMA Geidi, thank you for writing it and being so open.
I wish you all the best