My ex partner is a big time drug dealer

[ebsmahogany]

NC of course.

This was before I had my DC. He has a daughter who we had the majority of the time.

@FiveFootTwoEyesOfBlue

Did you know what he did when you got together with him, or was it a slow realisation, or did you find out?

I knew that he was a drug dealer when we got together, but I only thought it was weed and cocaine. I didn't know he sold crack or heroin until maybe six months or so down the line.

I had been told he sold them but he had always denied it when I asked and I believed him.

How much money did he make a year?

@worriedandannoyed

How old were you at the time? How come you weren't in trouble with the police too as you knew what he was doing?

Late teens.

Nobody was ever interested in me, everybody knew what he was doing. I was cooperative with police, I don't know if that hand anything to do with it.

Do you know if he was involved in any violence? Did people get killed?

@fruitbrewhaha

How much money did he make a year?

I don't know an exact figure as income would fluctuate a lot, but well into six figures. Not millions.

What has happened to his daughter? You mentioned that when you were with him you you had her most of the time, but then he went to prison..?

I can see why it's an attractive job.

@fruitbrewhaha

Do you know if he was involved in any violence? Did people get killed?

He was shot in the chest through a car window when he wasn't even in the area we lived in. Our home was also broken into twice, by the same people who had weapons but weren't actually violent.

You would hear about people getting stabbed but they didn't really have anything to do with him or us, just friends of friends etc.

He would fight an awful lot but never used weapons, not to my knowledge anyway. He would sometimes carry weapons for "protection", which I absolutely hated.

Hmm, actually with the answer to my second question I'm not so keen!

It would have been better maybe to have concentrated on the takeaway businesses, he could could have made a nice living from those.

Do you now look at shops and businesses and think "that's a front" they are never making any money from that?

Do you feel any guilt for validating his activities by staying with him while he was dealing?

@fruitbrewhaha

Hmm, actually with the answer to my second question I'm not so keen!

It would have been better maybe to have concentrated on the takeaway businesses, he could could have made a nice living from those.

It is an attractive job from afar, but the reality is pretty shit.

I always said this! I really tried to push for it but he's greedy and being a dealer became part of his identity. I'm not sure he knows how to exist without that title.

@fruitbrewhaha

Do you now look at shops and businesses and think "that's a front" they are never making any money from that?

Yes! Quite often, I feel like I can just tell.

"Cash only" with terrible service is always the first sign

Did his criminal activities have an impact on your career or friendships, if they were so widely known locally? I have difficulty imagining any reasonable person wanting to befriend someone living on drug money.

@Unescorted

Do you feel any guilt for validating his activities by staying with him while he was dealing?

Extreme guilt, I felt guilty at the time but nowhere near as much as I do now. It consumes me sometimes. I am such a different person and I hate that I was so selfish.

Yeah I do too sometimes.

Interesting, thanks for sharing.

@Nore

Did his criminal activities have an impact on your career or friendships, if they were so widely known locally? I have difficulty imagining any reasonable person wanting to befriend someone living on drug money.

There were a few people who didn't want to be friends with me, or associate with us but on the most part nobody cared at all. It didn't affect relationships or jobs for me, which I really didn't deserve.

How did he get the merchandise without attention ?

Extreme guilt, I felt guilty at the time but nowhere near as much as I do now. It consumes me sometimes. I am such a different person and I hate that I was so selfish.

I wouldn't let it eat you up OP. It wasn't you doing it, as such, it was him. If you were culpable you'd be inside too.

I took drugs, quite a bit in my youth. I suppose I just consider the effects that had for me, which were not negative, but in reality I was a part of this problem, just at the end of the chain. Lets face it, there are many many people who use drugs at some point in there lives, so while your chap was making all the money we are all complicit.

Oh I misspelt their! that will be the drugs I took in my formative years!

Do/did you ever think of the lives ruined by drugs, living on money made by drug dealing? Do you ever consider what it would be like if it were your dc doing drugs or dealing?

@Hawkins001

How did he get the merchandise without attention ?

Please could you elaborate?

@fruitbrewhaha

Extreme guilt, I felt guilty at the time but nowhere near as much as I do now. It consumes me sometimes. I am such a different person and I hate that I was so selfish.

I wouldn't let it eat you up OP. It wasn't you doing it, as such, it was him. If you were culpable you'd be inside too.

I took drugs, quite a bit in my youth. I suppose I just consider the effects that had for me, which were not negative, but in reality I was a part of this problem, just at the end of the chain. Lets face it, there are many many people who use drugs at some point in there lives, so while your chap was making all the money we are all complicit.

It's more the crack and heroin that get me. I volunteer with addicts now (when I can) and I see how their lives are ruined and feel so guilty that I helped facilitate that.

I will forgive myself one day, hopefully, but just not yet.

You are right though, we are all complicit. Everyone from the top to the bottom of the drug chain.

@giantangryrooster

Do/did you ever think of the lives ruined by drugs, living on money made by drug dealing? Do you ever consider what it would be like if it were your dc doing drugs or dealing?

I did, but not a lot. I do now, an awful lot. I feel really awful that I had a part in any of it.

I would be beyond devastated if my child chose to sell drugs, I can't even articulate how upset I would be. My ex's mother was well aware of what he was doing and also financially benefitted.

Sorry to pick at that scab - I was at that moment of choice once and took the other road. For shallow reasons. I want to validate my choice even if now I can shape it in moral arguments.