Married at 16. AMA.

[baconbits]

I got married at sixteen. I know this is a controversial topic so if you'd like to - AMA.

I can't think of anything to ask but I hope it works out.

How do you feel about spending 80 years with him?

We didn't spend much on the wedding - we got me a cheap dress, paid for the "technical" stuff involved in a wedding (so notice of marriage etc etc) and just bought some food / drinks for afterwards. It was all very lowkey but fit us well, I think.

We did live together yeah! It was actually 11 months after getting together that we got married (not 9/10 sorry, my maths is appalling), and we moved in together after 5 I think.

I don't contribute financially right now as I'm trying to get a college qualification that can put me into second year at uni (but hopefully will in the near ish future).

I didn't take his name - we're keen to come up with a new last name soonish that represents our unity rather than me joining his family, if that makes sense. (plus he has a foreign last name).

Some friends were supportive, other friends not so much but that was kind of the response I expected. None of them got engaged.

The right time for me meant I could dedicate myself to the commitment that is marriage, and understand the challenges that come along with that (particularly in a young marriage).

My mum got married once in her mid/late twenties and then married again in her early thirties- so it's not a tradition by any means.

about the foreign last name part, I'm not disrespecting him / his culture I just know how much of a hard time he has with having to spell it out a lot haha!

We don't live with our parents, we moved into a shared rented flat. We're currently saving for a deposit to buy a house.

Thank you @SunshineCake!

And I feel positive about spending 80 years with him. I do have faith that we can make it work, even through difficulty (which will probably if not definitely be perceived as naive but I truly believe it!)

Is he from abroad? Just because you said last name.

I truly hope it works for you, I do question the decision because that’s bloody fast even at an older age. Though I met ex at 18 and it lasted 20 years until we were different people.

Would you consider yourself to be working or middle class?

Sorry, I couldn’t think of a less offensive way of saying that, no offence meant I’m just intrigued! The only people I know who got married before about 23 are super religious.

So you were almost 17 when you marrried, and you're only 18 now?

Was he your first boyfriend?
I'm really confused by the timeline as it seems to change in every post

Sorry I'm gonna start tagging people so I can make sure all questions are answered!

@DilemmaDerby He is from abroad yeah, but he's been here since he was ten. He decided to get a British passport after the news of Brexit though.

Thank you for your hope though! It is fast, but I think we both have the commitment to make it work if we choose to (which so far we have!)

@PinkPlantCase I'm pretty middle class. Went to a good school, decent car, not having to worry about food on the table etc etc. My dad was unemployed for a while, but my mum managed to support us and we did alright. My DH is from a working class background though, including poverty.

@ickabog Sorry!
Got together at 15 (a month before 16th birthday), moved in together after roughly 5 months. Got married after 11 ish months. Maybe I'm just phrasing it shittily, I've started tagging people so there's no confusion on which question I'm answering haha!

@kitschplease Not first boyfriend no, we had partners previously (though obviously less serious ones).

(if it helps anyone's timeline, I'm nearly 19 and he's nearly 22)

Is it normal for teenagers these days to refer to their boyfriend/girlfriend as a “partner”?!

To me partner means “life partner”. They live together, split all the bills, raise children together etc. Not 13 or 14 year old children!

So my post is correct. You were just a few months short of being 17 when you married, and now you're 18, as another poster said the timeline is quite confusing. I hope it lasts, but it does seem like a very fast moving relationship, and people change so much between their late teens and their 20s.

I also find it quite surprising that you only had 2 witnesses at the wedding, were they your parents? and if not were they hurt you didn't invite them?

@NameChange84 I probably used the word "boyfriend" with friends when I was younger, and I still sometimes probably use it (if I don't want to necessarily explain being married) but I guess I just like the word partner. You're entitled to your own definition of the word though!

Do you realise that a lot of us were convinced that we’d marry our first serious boyfriend/girlfriend and that now we are 15/20/30 years on the majority of us that thought that are extremely relieved we didn’t?!

@ickabog My witnesses were not my parents, no. There was a family issue on my DH's side and he didn't feel comfortable inviting his own family, so we figured it was better to have a very small wedding with two friends. My parents weren't hurt by this, they said it was alright.

@ProudAuntie76
I definitely get that. I think if he were my first boyfriend, it would be riskier but I've had previous partners and I know what traits I value. I think even if our romantic relationship ended we'd still retain a very close friendship, which is important to me.

You must have been dating extremely young to have had a few serious boyfriends or “partners” as you call it, prior to the age of 15. I find that quite worrying in all honesty.
Did you get much attention from your parents growing up? Why were they so disinterested in your wedding or their 16 year old making a lifetime legal commitment to another teenager?

Good luck OP. I married as a teen and still together 15years later. It can work :-)

@ProudAuntie76 I guess I was dating quite young, yeah. I had family issues that might have contributed to a desire for a long-term commitment, but I think I was also fortunate enough to meet someone who I could commit to and who could commit to me at a young age. As for why they were disinterested, I'm not sure - didn't express any positive or negative response honestly.

Hi @Feefifo9 Thanks so much! That's great to hear :) do you have any tips to impart on how you made it work? x

Good luck to you @baconbits. It sounded very young to me but then I realised I met my DH a couple of months before my 19th birthday and while we didn't get married until a good few years after we both finished university, we've been together nearly 13 years now and it's going well.

Thank you @aureliacecilia! Ultimately it was (/is) very young, but I think character is a factor as well as age. I'm very glad you feel you made the right choice! x

As for why they were disinterested, I'm not sure - didn't express any positive or negative response honestly.

Gosh, I just find that so sad. I can’t imagine standing by and not trying not make a child wait a few years, it seems very neglectful of them. I’m sorry Baconbits, you deserved better.