Married at 16. AMA.

[baconbits]

I got married at sixteen. I know this is a controversial topic so if you'd like to - AMA.

No questions just good luck.
Me and my dh got together at 17 and married at 21. We have been together 13 years. Many people thought we were too young including some of my family but we have definitely grown together. If you are willing to work together to solve problems then there is no reason why you can't have a long and happy marriage.

Thank you @Ginnymweasley! Happy to hear it all worked out for you

[quote baconbits]@SunshineCake I guess I'll probably use the word "husband" more when I'm in social spheres where it's more acceptable to have a husband (e.g. when I'm older). The terms are pretty interchangeable for me personally though honestly.[/quote]
This is just silly.

If you are so sure you have done the right thing why feel the need to hide the fact your are married?

@SunshineCake I'm comfortable enough with my choices to be willing to call my DH whatever makes him and I happy. Sometimes it's partner and sometimes it's husband. It's not "hiding" anything, I just don't owe anyone information into my personal life unless I'm willing to divulge it.

[quote baconbits]@SunshineCake I'm comfortable enough with my choices to be willing to call my DH whatever makes him and I happy. Sometimes it's partner and sometimes it's husband. It's not "hiding" anything, I just don't owe anyone information into my personal life unless I'm willing to divulge it.[/quote]
I call my husband my partner reasonably often - I’m in my late 40s and been happily married 17 years. I’m not really sure why sometimes I just like it

@MadameBlobby
It's just another word for "committed significant other" in my eyes. I got married for love, not the identity / label (though when the mood strikes it is quite nice to have that label to use as well!)

I met DH at 18, lived together straight away (uni house mates) didn't marry until 27 and all going well now at 32. Just because you get together young doesn't mean it's going to be a difficult ride. We've both changed lots but started off with similar values.

@BergamotMouse That's a very cute beginning! And yeah I guess I've probably internalised the idea that because I'm young it'll be extra tough. But if I don't feel like I'm missing out in any way (which I don't) then I guess the "young" tricky part is over? Anyway, thanks for your post! Great to hear it all worked out for you :)

OP you’ve taken some really slyly nasty comments here with a maturity that those posters should really be showing. You’re clearly an intelligent, articulate young woman who has made an informed decision. Not sure I’d have married at 16, but I did fall pregnant at 17 so I’m hardly one to judge DH and I have been together since I was 19 (and had a 1yo baby). I’m 32 in a few weeks and we’ve been married 7 years. Still very happy! I wish you all the very best for your relationship too - I’d rather an early marriage, which you can choose to end pretty easily - than an early pregnancy for my DD tbh!

@baconbits You sound very mature and sensible for your age so if anyone can make it work, it’s you.

However I am still wondering why you feel that a piece of paper demonstrating a societal construct means you are more committed than simply being committed to each other? Rightly or wrongly, marriage doesn’t hold the weight it once did and I know various couples who think being married to each other made them and their commitment to each other more valid than other couples who haven’t married. Of course circumstances have proved them to be completely wrong. So while I am a romantic who loves both the idea of marriage and the idea of being able to spend that much of a lifetime with that one you love, I am still confused about why marriage demonstrates extra commitment when religion or other factors aren’t an issue.

I got married at 18 (religious reasons) so in many ways I don't have a leg to stand on regarding what I'm about to say, BUT from what you have said both of you seem to have issues with wanting to feel loved/needed. You haven't once said you were in love, it's all about feeling the need to be committed to one another. I also find it incredibly sad that your parents were nonplussed - most would be horrified at the prospect. I know from my own experience it can work but I can't help but feel a bit sad sorry for you, and I genuinely mean that in a kind way.

Good on you
I hope you stay happy together x

@CarolEffingBaskin Thank you so much! You're very kind. And yep, I'll be holding off on the kids for a while so I can get as much nailed down as I can (though of course you can never really predict what'll happen with your partner in relation to kids). I'm glad to hear things worked out so well for you and your hubby, and DC(s)!. Thank you for your post though, I appreciate it :)

@SharpLily To me personally- without judgement to anyone else's life choices, I guess I saw marriage as some kind of evidence of commitment. I could have gotten a similar evidence of commitment by being in a relationship for an extended period of time (which I'm still aiming for), but I wanted something concrete that said "I'm here, I support you and my love and care for you isn't dependent on these feelings of temporary love" (meaning the whooshy stomach feelings and infatuation, if you catch my drift). Also, if you read anything on here there's a lot of "marriage, marriage, marriage!" if you have any intention of being reliant on someone . I guess above all else though, it felt like the next natural step - I would have been comfortable being partners if marriage hadn't been an option, but getting married kind of strengthened the confidence we had in each other's reliability and commitment.

That might sound a little odd and I'm not suggesting everyone needs or should want to get married by any means, I guess we just have some traditional feelings on what commitment and love look like for us personally. Marriage does hold the weight it once did as we see things and I don't think we would get married or get divorced lightly. Religion doesn't play a part at all though (but I'm not opposed to a new faith if I miraculously find one!).

@zatarontoast We are in love - I'm not necessarily a particularly public person when it comes to love (hence possibly my desire for a small wedding!) but I love him and he loves me. We do also need each other and are dependent on each other, which has it's benefits and risks, but it's not solely a desire to feel needed by any means.

I agree with you in some aspects, and I think we both have some childhood issues that cause a strong attachment to the idea of family, but these aren't necessarily things that would have gone away by 25 or 30 or 35, or whenever is acceptable to get married. We would probably have bounced around from person to person holding on to the idea of what "true love" / "family" looks like and had it be an unrealistic expectation. Whereas now, we have a bit of that and can work on what loving somebody actually looks like.

Re; my parents - yeah, it's a bit of a mess and it's not an ideal situation. I'm not in contact with them, but I don't vilify them. I also know that if they had said "don't marry him" I probably wouldn't have listened, as it felt like the natural thing to do. It probably does play in to the idea of self-therapizing yourself from your childhood experiences by creating a new family dynamic.

I have a daughter who is nearly 16, and the thought of her getting married..... she hasn’t even been on a date yet.
On the other had I know quite a few people who have been together since teenage years. My best friend and her husband ( both 18 when they met, married at 27 ) my two other close school friends , one was 19, the other 20 when they met their partners. Friend locally who is nearly eighty has been with her husband since she was 16. Another school friend started dating her husband when they were both 14, they married in their mid twenties, and are still together forty years later. So clearly it can work ?

Thanks so much, @Shortfeet! I hope so too :)

@SirVixofVixHall Good on her honestly, there shouldn't be any pressure to have relationships - we all move in our own time (as I can demonstrate)! But yes, I think a lot of success is dependent on how you go into it. There were probably times in our relationship where it would have been easier to walk away or give up, but ultimately we made a choice to stick together and plan to do that (unless of course there's abuse or anything of the like). It's great to know that you've met quite a few people who had young relationships though! I've met a few people who have been dating for a few years, but no married people around my age as of yet! x

@baconbits I hope I didn’t come across as critical - I was genuinely interested in the reasons.

You are 18 and I am 45 and I would argue that you are in many ways far wiser, emotionally intelligent and self-aware than I will ever be! I wish you both a long and wonderfully happy future - will you come back in ten years and give us all an update on how it’s going?

@SharpLily
No don't worry at all - anything you ask I'm happy to answer, so feel free to ask more questions if you have any!

Hahaha I'm not sure about the wisdom or self awareness aspect I think therapy throughout my adolescence probably helped me out with being able to vocalise my feelings, but I'm just your average 18 year old (bar the marriage part of course ).

Thank you though, I appreciate it! If I remember to, I will most certainly do so - I imagine my life will be quite different at the grand old age of 28 though! (kidding, of course). Thank you for your post x

Congratulations on your wedding ..
Hope you have many happy and healthy years together x

I’m in Scotland too ... my DD is 16 soon ... I live in hope that she marries and takes her endless laundry and constant demands for food elsewhere !!

Seriously- good luck you sound lovely.

@babbi Hahahaha, realistically you'd hope that but more likely you'd just be getting a whole new set of boy's laundry!

Thank you though, you're very kind :) Best of luck to you as well

I'm just curious, do you use the title Mrs and his name?

I met dh when I was 21, we married about 18 months later and will be celebrating 36 years of marriage next month, I took his name and still recall how odd it felt to be addressed as "Mrs [his name]" in the early years.

@HirplesWithHaggis Hahaha I actually don't, no! Wasn't keen on picking up my husband's name when I was younger (unless it was a really sexy Portuguese name or something!) so we held off and I kept my name. Hoping to come up with a new last name for us that holds sentimental value soon!

He was actually considering taking my name for a little bit, but we figured it was actually nicer to come up with a new one for both of us :) x

What’s your relationship like with your father?

I’m guessing he wasn’t around when you were growing up.

@Quandaries That's an interesting assumption, I wonder what could lead you to think that. My father was around, but thank you for your concern- I'm sure either way I would have still made the choice to make a commitment to my partner.

I just wanted to say thank you for giving us a glimpse into your circumstances. There is no way I would have been emotionally mature enough at that age to enter into any kind of serious commitment. Thankfully, you sound a good deal more sensible and mature, with a great attitude and outlook. I wish you many happy years together!