I am Jewish AMA

[Bells3032]

Following answering some Q&As on a thread about the programme Unorthodox thought i'd do an AMA here. I have looked and don't think there's been one since like 2018.

I am a traditional/modern orthodox Jew so not Hasidic like the show but I actually do talks on Judaism as part of my job and I so my knowledge is fairly good and I am rarely embarrassed or offended by questions.

So go ahead AMA

Thanks @Bells3032
I tend to agree.

@Xenia yes probably. I think currently they make up 17% of the uk population but are reckoned to be the majority by like 2050 (don't quote me on that). As you said they have high birth rates and high marrying in rates whereas mainstream Judaism generally have 2-3 kids max and only about half marry in.

@ShoppingBasket
No problem I think this is one of the funnest days I've had since lockdown started - I love educating people on Judaism as that part of my job has disappeared for now.
So the sandwich wouldn't have allowed ham it at all. Food jews are allowed is called Kosher food (the opposite being trief). The following rules apply

Mammals - must have fully split hooves and chew the cud (which means they have several stomachs and regurgitate their food as a way of processing it). This means pigs are not allowed

Birds - cannot be birds of prey

Fish - must have finds and scales so no shellfish for us!

On top of that birds and mammals must be killed in a certain way - ie with a quick slice to the throat the immediately severs their windpipe.

As well as that they cannot mix meat and dairy products (you shall not boil a kid in his mother's milk) so no cheeseburgers for us and many jews will have separate crockery, cutlery and even some have separate sinks and dish washers etc to keep them separate. Depending on where you come from you must wait 1,3 or even 6 hours after eating meat to consume milk though the rules of meat after milk aren't so stringent as you digest milk faster apparently. However, you wouldn't have meat and dairy in the same meal. Chicken originally wasn't considered meat but since it is sold in a butcher it is generally accepted you don't mix it with dairy either.

Hi OP, if you sent your child to Jewish school (JFS in particular), how would you feel if your child is classmates with the child of a reform/liberal convert (particularly if he/she doesn't look stereotypically Jewish)? my DH's mum is an orthodox convert and he went to JFS. He told me that his ex gf's parents actually made comments about him not being a real Jew (even though his mum went through all the procedures with the London Beit Din), this was before the JFS court case. I am hoping things might have changed since then, and mainstream orthodox Jewish schools are more 'inclusive' so I can consider alternatives to Akiva/Jcoss. Personally, i feel comfortable with orthodox jews (lived with an orthodox family for 3 years) and i feel comfortable going to orthodox shul. But maybe its not so comfortable for a child?

If someone's surname is Cohen, does that mean they are a Cohen? Or is it a bit like someone being called Priest but not being one?

@desiringonlychild
I would be fine with it. have friends who are converted into both reform and orthodox. I am more of a live and let live type and just respect everyone. I think there a more non-Jewish kids at jewish schools now (inc JFS and Yavneh) but obv there will always be people who don't like it.

@AndNoneForGretchenWieners (love the name btw)
More likely to be yes but there are obviously exception usually due to marrying out or because they have married a divorcee or convert and lost their status.

Bells3032 - Hello - not really a question - I had the pleasure of helping an elderly Jewish lady who had moved from Germany to Corsica - as a child - and to maintain the secrecy re her religion she made her Holy Communion (didn’t convert) - this poor lady eventually came to live in Liverpool - ran a Jewish household but was ostracised - she she was one of the most educated engaging and interesting people I’ve known - she developed dementia and once during our long conversations she told me that it was like purgatory not being part if her religious community. Her lovely son came from London to speak to me when she died to thank me for looking after her - and cried when I told him that it had been one of the most rewarding times of my life - and was quite taken aback when he found I was a practising Catholic. Thankyou for answering our questions-

@Bells3032 my shul (which is liberal) once held this talk which discussed synagogue membership across all the major uk denominations- United Shul, Masorti, Reform, Liberal and Haredi. It was found that all the denominations except Haredi all suffered drops in membership. Do you think younger people are less engaged because secularism is more attractive or because they are priced out of the religion (jewish areas tend to be more expensive and Judaism is a communal religion). Or any other reasons..

Also my orthdox MIL says there is no shortage of young people interested in being orthodox (she is more tradiitonal/ MO, not haredi) . I have my doubts about that, what do you think?

I understand that some people are allowed to work on Saturdays due to their profession. I once had a jewish teacher who told us her husband was allowed to work on Saturdays because he was a doctor. I was wondering if although working is permitted, those who are permitted to work should do their best to avoid working on a Saturday. Ie would the doctor be expected to try and swap shifts with colleagues to avoid working as many Saturdays as possible or speak to his boss to come to some sort of agreement whereby he works less than his fair share of saturdays? Or is it just accepted that you work when you have to as your jobs falls under the accepted category?

@ DreamingofSunshine ohhhh I’m disappointed!
I wanted to hear it was a magic beauty product or a benefit of chicken soup or something

(evoha, that's a lovely story. My granny, Roman Catholic, used to do things like switch the oven on for a Jewish neighbour)

Thank you for your reply. This thread is so interesting!

Hello OP!

Father and paternal grandmother are sephradi and ashkenazi Jewish due to her mum and dad being one of each (my great grandparents). This is confirmed by DNA tests as well! My DP's DM is ashkenazi jewish by her mother, who died when she was a child, again confirmed by DNA results. Would we be able to convert? What would this entail?

Also is it true that orthodox Jews have their own ambulance service?

Thank you 😊 I thought it was something like that but then in Shitsel she did going into a shop
As lots of people have said, this is so fascinating, thank you for this thread!

Why can’t women sing in front of men?

@eveoha ah that's a lovely story. good for you. sad for the old lady though.

@Desiringonlychild in relation to dropping memberships I think it partly due to the memberships being overpriced for a young family to reasonably spend their money on, an increase in marrying out meaning the next generation aren't as interested and just people leaving for more secular/atheist lives. There isn't a shortage of people wanting to be orthodox but also not a shortage of being falling out of the community altogether. I don't think property prices has anything to do with it.

@Sunny345H
The term "work" is misnomer as you can work, for example a Rabbi or Chazzan will be working on Shabbat. You can't do activities involved with building the Mishkan - the temporary temple that was resurrected in the desert following the exodus from Egypt. However, any law can be broken (bar three) if it is to save a life. A doctor can save a life and therefore is exempt though they should try and avoid it and do different shifts if they can. The saving of lives takes precedence.

@EttasEden
The problem would be if you could prove which parent the DNA results come from - if you have evidence the maternal line is Jewish eg an orthodox marriage certificate then you don't have to convert. However, conversion itself is possible. In an Orthodox synagogue it takes several years of study, you have to live with an orthodox family for several months, be tested by Rabbis to confirm your dedication to keeping the laws in future and then (if male) have a circumcision before you are immersed in the ritual pool (mikveh).

For reform I am not sure on the process but I think it takes about a year and I don't think you have to live with another family or convince Rabbis you are sincere in the same way. But Orthodox people wouldn't accept you as Jewish.

As for the Ambulance service in the UK yes they have one called Hatzolah (my spelling might be off here) which is funded by donations

@TKAAHUARTG because women are not meant to "entertain" men as men are dogs and may find it sexually appealing and they should only feel that way about their wives.

@EttasEden in Stamford Hill they have their own 'police' force although it's more like a security service as they don't hold legal powers I believe.

Thank you so much for this thread, really fascinating.

What do you mean please when you just mentioned membership costs? As a Catholic, it is expected to make donations to your church, but in Judaism, it a more fixed thing?

My dad (an Irishman), was a plumber and used to work in a lot of north London Jewish households in the 70s / 80s. He used to love it as he would be continually fed huge amounts of food!

@loafeater Yes synagogues don't work off donations - they generally have a set membership price that you pay. it includes the synagogue fees covering the building and Rabbis and burial as well (you don't pay for your funeral or burial plot etc if you are a member of a synagogue). But most sit at round £1000 a couple.

women are not meant to "entertain" men as men are dogs and may find it sexually appealing and they should only feel that way about their wives.
Is this hard to reconcile as a woman?

@TKAAHUARTG It's not something I personally believe and adhere to. I sing in front of people (admittedly badly) and had female singers at my wedding party.

I’ve found this thread really fascinating thank you op

Really interested by the not mixing dairy and meat. Years ago my DS had a heart murmur due to anaemia (very sick baby always on antibiotics) we were advised by the dr at the time (Turkish Muslim) not to give him any dairy product two hours before or after eating meat as the calcium inhibited the absorption of iron.

@LoafEater just jumping on this thread. Yes Jews pay membership costs. Its not compulsory but if you are religious and belong to a community, you would want to join. Also if you want to go to the synagogue on the high holidays when it is very crowded, its free if you have a membership but costs extra if you don't ( they call this pay to pray!). How much is it depends on your age and circumstances. I currently pay £150 per annum because I am below 30. My hubby also pays £150. When he is 31, it would jump to over £500. When we have a family, it would be over £1000 but at least as it is a reform synagogue it covers the cost of religious education classes every week ( though if you are raising a Jewish child, you have to budget in extra hebrew tuition when the child is of bar mitzvah age and summer camp is popular too). However if you are poorer, you can get a reduction in your rate if you talk to the bursar, no one would be denied membership on financial grounds. 60% of my synagogue are on a reduced rate. Orthodox synagogues cost a lot less though it does vary by synagogue. ( i believe its £500 per annum for a family at my mother in law's synagogue).

@Bells3032 wow you are paying £1k too? is it a family membership. I always had the impression that orthodox synagogue fees were cheaper, my MIL goes to a tiny one in Hendon. I belong to a central London synagogue as that was where i did my conversion.

Poster means the programme Friday Night Dinner 🙄