I'm a trans man and local trans activist, AMA

[Sideris]

Hi there, folks.

As the title says, I'm here to respond to questions in good nature.

For a bit of background information, I'm 30 years old, a trans activist out of necessity (being the first 'out' trans person in numerous spaces, which didn't have any rules or regulations before, but have since been commended for ease of process by some new trans members or trans members who have been referred by me), have been 'passing' for about three years, now.

3 things that need to be acknowledged when considering the OPs story. I cannot bring.myself to use male pronouns so respectfully defer to gender neutral pronouns.

1. They were raped and sexually assaulted as a child.
2. The OP suffered serious mental health problems when they identified as a woman.
3. The OP has alluded that their parents are (at best) complete bigots.

To me, this sounds like a recipe for identity issues/dysphoria.

My questions therefore, are:
How safe were you/did you feel (mentally, emotionally, sexually and physically) as a female child OP?
And
Is it at all.possible that due to childhood trauma, identifying out of being female has made you feel safer as an adult?

Op, I think you missed my question, so I hope you don’t mind me asking again:

Do you think it’s right that trans people and trans allies are incorrectly conflating transgenderism with intersex conditions? This is despite the fact that intersex organizations have repeatedly asked them to stop doing this as both conditions are different and require different treatments, support, and so on.

They're feelings that don't trump people's rights

But girls have actual rights to dignity & privacy in single-sex facilities. It's not about their feelings - it's about their RIGHTS.

But I see you've really masculinised in your adoption of sexist ideas about women having feelings rather than reasons ...

Evening, everyone. We just wanted to pop by to remind people that we want to encourage civil debate on these topics. While in an 'ask me anything' we do agree that the OP is agreeing to be asked (almost) anything, we will still delete questions or posts that come across as personal attacks or break guidelines.

It would be a shame to lose this thread, as it was good of the OP to come on and offer to answer questions and there are lots of interesting points to be brought up, so please keep posts polite and civil. Thanks.

Geordie OP appropriated intersex conditions when trying to answer “what is a man/woman” earlier, and hasn’t responded to being picked up on this point.

Thanks HebeMumsnet

Thanks for coming by @HebeMumsnet

Hi OP

I have rtft and disagree with pretty much all your opions on sex, gender and the importance of women and girls rights to female (sex as observed at birth) only spaces.

However I respect your right to hold your opinions and am happy for you that living your life your way has improved your mental health and helped you deal with past trauma.

The one thing I absolutely must take issue with though is your ascertain that trans women have had equal access to women only spaces for many decades. In my part of the UK at least this is not true.

Transsexuals have indeed had access to the toilet of their preference for many decades, but until very recently never open plan changing rooms, showers, hospital wards, etc. Encountering a transexual of the opposite birth sex in the toilets, yes, but from talking to transsexuals with gender disphoria they explain that their path to transition included therapy to come to terms with their birth sex and the immutability of it prior to medical transition and would never dream of attempting to enter spaces where women would be partially of fully undressed.

In previous times transsexuals would ask for a third space to change in or use the disabled facilities. From speaking to medical professionals within my family they tell me in hospitals every effort would be made to find a private space and in the very rare case that none were available the transexual would be accomodated on a ward correlating to their birth sex with the curtain used for their privacy and dignity until a single room could be made available to them.

It's only relatively recently that full access to all facilities of choice has been demanded along with the rise of mixed sex facilities.

How do we tell the difference between a trans woman and a man in a dress, wishing to access women's spaces, perhaps for sexual reasons or as a joke, or to hide cameras?

Jesus Christ what a shit show. No real answers to any of the questions just more mental gymnastics to make the words fit the agenda.

I wonder if OP answers all questions in the same way, or if its just anything regarding sex and gender.

What time is it?
OP: Morning makes me happy. I hate night-time.

What does the word Christmas mean?
OP: It's beginning to feel a lot like Christmas.

What's the capital of England?
OP: When I thought it was London, it made me so sad. Its Paris now.

What's the capital of England?
OP: When I thought it was London, it made me so sad. Its Paris now

I wish I had the time in my life to worry about getting cervical smear reminders I don't need

As per @Michelleoftheresistance post.

OP I absolutely support you rejecting any constructs and concepts you choose to, living however you choose to, using whatever language you choose to, identifying and categorising yourself however you choose to, and in basically doing whatever makes you happy. I am happy not to place any labels on you that you reject, and delighted for you personally to make whatever arrangements suit you in seeking medical care etc under categories you are more comfortable with.

I'd really appreciate it if you'd extend me the same respect and tolerance in return.

Just the above really. I’m not a cervix haver. I am a female. I am a woman. (You will note I have not used CIS and nor will I ever)

Can you not see that women are having their rights eroded to keep the minority happy?

As said above, I will support anyone to live as they choose but absolutely not at the expense of my rights.

I wish I had the time in my life to worry about getting cervical smear reminders I don't need

I know, right? Despite my not having a cervix, I still get the reminders, and periodically the doctor brings it up during unrelated appointments.

I find it “triggering” to be reminded of what I don’t have, and pain, loss and debility caused by the removal of it, but I just calmly explain I don’t need the smear, and every morning the sun still continues to rise...and I get on with my day.

I'm quite a few pages behind but this caught my eye:

(though I prefer no prisons to begin with, as the system upholding them is bigoted, but that is a wholly different topic I don't feel comfortable discussing with a likely mostly white crowd)

Here in the UK only 6% of trans prisoners are from a BAME background. This compares with 27% of the general prison population and around 13% for the general UK population (2011 census).

I must say I was surprised by the disparity when I found these stats. In the UK at least, trans prisoners seems to be a very white problem. Is it different where you are OP?

www.gov.uk/government/statistics/hm-prison-and-probation-service-offender-equalities-annual-report-2018-to-2019

Am I correct in understanding that you believe transitioning cured your bipolar disorder? Can you elaborate on this?

I'm not responsible for someone's comfort or discomfort. They're feelings that don't trump people's rights.

Unless it's the feelings of a male bodied person.

And then they definitely trump other people's women's rights.

I genuinely don't understand how when people have raised on this thread their concerns about their safety concerns in female toilets that allow people to enter based on self ID, you've actually brazenly said you feel safer in a male toilet.

So you have the right to go into the toilet that makes you feel safer.

But my right to be in a toilet that makes me feel safer is in fact trumped by the feelings of trans women who want to (irrespective of the stage of their transition and their presentation of male / female) be in the women's toilet too.

It's so frustrating because you do know it's ok to say "yes, I understand your concerns and they are valid" dont you?

Do you not see the cruelty in dismissing opinions that are based on the experience of women like myself who have grown up as a female and live adult life as a female?

Why are your feelings more important than mine? Genuine question.

Who would you invite to your dream dinner party op?

Which is your favourite type of pizza? And do you cut it in slices and then eat it with your hands or use a fork and knife?

It's always baffled me how people can argue they want to claim their female gender, but not bother with the bits of being female that they don't like. They continue with masculine bullying patterns they learned earlier in life and try to impose them on groups of women, instead of seeking to integrate properly with women as a group, and achieving a deeper understanding and belonging. This is, in my opinion, the root of all the major disagreements that take place currently around the topic.

With that in mind, my question is as follows. Why aren't there better attempts to integrate with what it means culturally to be a woman, and more understanding about women's genuine sensitivities, in all their nuanced complexity, given that there are such major protestations about being female?

and GPs in my immediate area no longer automatically sends pap smear requests to anyone listed as female and none to those listed male (I'd requested a simple check box to be added for those exempt on the female side, included on the male side), for example.

So you are risking the health of women because of your own selfish agenda. If a woman in your area dies because she forgets to have a smear she to not getting a reminder then you are partially responsible for that.

Hi OP, you said earlier that feelings shouldn't 'trump' someone's rights. At the same time, you're unable to quantify your essential 'trans-ness' in any language other than 'feelings'.

So why should your or any other trans-person's 'feelings' of otherness 'trump' women's sex-based rights?

all, so a cervix is the detrimental feature to invite on.

There is nothing detrimental about having a cervix, it's the norm for women to have one unless they have had to have it removed due to physical illness.

Sidaris - do you agree with the prominent transmen and trans-activists who campaigned that mastectomies for transmen should take priority over women with women breast cancer?