I'm a trans man and local trans activist, AMA

[Sideris]

Hi there, folks.

As the title says, I'm here to respond to questions in good nature.

For a bit of background information, I'm 30 years old, a trans activist out of necessity (being the first 'out' trans person in numerous spaces, which didn't have any rules or regulations before, but have since been commended for ease of process by some new trans members or trans members who have been referred by me), have been 'passing' for about three years, now.

Women who've had hysterectomies or were born without a uterus can now opt out of receiving a letter to remind themselves of it.

Women without either of those issues have been able to opt out for ages, I discussed it with a Gp as part of my job years ago.

Oh my actual Christ @theflushedzebra

They won’t die waiting but it is ok for women to die of cancer.

Sake.

theflushedzebra

That's absolutely disgusting. But sadly not surprising.

Detrimental to have a cervix?

Blimey.

So they think their cosmetic top surgery is more important than medical necessary surgery to get treat cancer? That is the height of selfishness and they should be fucking ashamed of themselves, what total dicks they are....

And I say that with family history and my own thankfully benign lumps but changing tissues.

I can’t bind cancer away. I’m not saying you shouldn’t get surgery but you aren’t going to die of having breasts.

Unless of course you develop questionable lumps/tissues. Will you be ok with someone having a surgery for something that isn’t immediately physically life threatening ahead of you then?

Genuine question.

I had assumed that ‘detrimental’ was a typo/autocorrect/OP doesn’t know what ‘detrimental’ actually means. I’d read it as they’d meant to say ‘relevant’ in the context.

you've actually brazenly said you feel safer in a male toilet.

I thought that was odd from someone who has been raped and sexually assaulted as the OP says they have. 90% of violent crimes and 98% of sexual crimes are carried out by males, as well as 100% of rapes.

OP what do you fear in women's toilets? Do you think women are likely to act violently towards you?

Plus I think you're misunderstanding self-id, self-id as set out in the white-paper proposal and as has been adopted in other countries doesn't require an administrative change, it merely requires the individual to state which sex they identify as, and it doesn't even require consistency, there's a senior police-man/woman in the uk who likes to play fast and lose with his/her gender as suits.

And as a transman who's been subject to rape and sexual abuse as you very bravely stated earlier, can you not see that women, natal women are so much more prone and vulnerable to abuse from men than men are? Or have you abandoned your youthful feelings, has your previously atavistic urge to protect women been burned on a bonfire of self-interest, identity politics and internalised misogyny?

@theflushedzebra I am so shocked at that, and actually quite sick.

Op if you are real - which I strongly suspect you are not:

What's your opinion on the assertion that being transgender is a mental illness or an extreme form of body dismorphia much like anorexia, that should be treated with therapy rather than mutilation; and based on your history - is this somthing that you have explored personally.

I also noted that you seem more preoccupied with others perceiveing you as a man rather than actually being a man. Why do you think that is?

Hi OP, thanks for taking the time to answer questions.

My question concerns your comment that trans men are at considerable risk of violence. I’m assuming this is risk of violence from men and is more likely because you are using male spaces? Why despite this can’t you see that women are more at risk if any thug is allowed to go into female spaces by lying & claiming to identify as a woman?

Ah, my questions weren’t answered. Oh well, there are a lot of them to go through.

Old crone-
you've actually brazenly said you feel safer in a male toilet.

I thought that was odd from someone who has been raped and sexually assaulted as the OP says they have.

I picked up on that too but did not find it odd for a sex attack survivor. After my first sex attack which also involved a knife being used to stab me, I chopped off my hair and dressed very masculine. I passed as a youth/boy for several years post attack and honestly, it made me feel safer from sex attacks because I was being seen as not a woman. Fortunately for me, I realised my reaction and camouflage was driven by PTSD and not evidence that I was a trans man.

who campaigned that mastectomies for transmen should take priority over women with women breast cancer?

To be fair, reading the actual tweets they do not actually say that top surgery should take priority over cancer surgery. They are just making the usual stink that no one should have to wait to try and get the NHS to allocate more funding to mastectomies. It would indefensible and sick to actually say top surgery should bump cancer surgery.

sorry you went through that PlandeRaccord that sounds a truly horrific experience.

it made me feel safer from sex attacks because I was being seen as not a woman
There’s a logic to this and I think it’s quite common - blaming ourselves for being attacked for being a woman (weak, victim, asking for it etc - internalising all the classic misogynistic tropes) and reacting to that by adopting a masculine persona to whatever degree - tomboy, ladette, cool girl, not-like-other-girls, non-binary.... perhaps identify as trans?.... whatever fits with the current culture, to distance ourselves from the reality being a vulnerable female. It’s submitting to stereotypes again.

@PlanDeRaccordement

Thanks for picking up on this, really interesting to hear your POV.

Just to clarify as I am the person who made the "brazenly" comment originally - I don't find OP's personal response to her experience odd either.

What I do find odd and upsetting is that as someone who has experienced sexual violence like me and you, OP can't even seem to acknowledge and validate the real fear that women (particularly those with sexual violence in their past) feel now being told they will share a safe space with male bodied people.

And the sadness of being labelled transphobic bigots for being uncomfortable with this.

It's the lack of empathy I can't get my head around.

Really sorry to hear you've been through it too

SORRY in advance - genuine typo from me.

I mean to say:

I don't find OP's personal response to THE experience odd either.

This was not a misgendering, it was genuine fat fingers.

I was trying to explain that it sounds like me, plan and OP have been through similar experiences and different responses are normal. It's the empathy I would hope all parties could have that seems to be sometimes lacking.

q

Thank you for kind thoughts.
I honestly feel some of what drove OP to conclude he was a trans man would have been due to untreated PTSD. What better way to avoid the risks of living as a woman than to surgically alter yourself to appear not a woman?
I do think of biological sex as fact and absolutely think single sex spaces should be protected. For me it’s more about modesty and dignity than safety. I think things like periods should not have to be dealt with in a gender neutral bathroom. I think women should be able to change in gyms and swimming pools and not have to be nude in front of men. These are important and we should not have to make it into a life or death scenario to be listened to and our wishes for bodily autonomy to be respected.

Justasmalltown...
Sorry you have similar experience. I agree empathy seems lacking both for us (and women in general) from the OP but also from other posters for the OP.

People don’t decide they are trans for fun or because it’s trendy. There is a real profound reason or event that led to the OP deciding he is trans. OP has had some serious trauma and I can’t help but wonder if he was painted into a corner.

Very true and I think you're right it's a really logical reaction to the situation.

I think also that the argument is often drilled down so that it becomes well we are scared someone will get hurt vs that's not going to happen. I agree it isn't always life or death, it's often modesty and dignity on the table as you say.

My frustration boils down to this - why is womens fear of being hurt not worth listening to? Or women's general discomfort? Their pleading to be listened to? Young women's confusion and social awkwardness dealing with a nuanced and multi layered situation?

It's the age old thing isn't it - something has to happen for anyone to prevent it. And the bar for that "something" seems to be something awful and dangerous happening.

Why isn't preventing women's fear, discomfort etc a priority? Why isn't that enough to empathise with, let alone the worse stuff we may go through during our lives.

I so wish that in discussions like this there could be empathy towards women especially when it is constantly being demanded of women and expected of women.

Thanks plan x

And I totally agree, I have nothing but empathy for OP and am so glad he has found an identity he is happy and comfortable in. Everyone should be able to be themselves and find peace.

And just as I expect to be treated as an equal, I challenge anyone (whether trans or not) to challenge their own thinking when it comes to empathy.

It's easy for this to become a two party battle but it's far too complicated an issue to distil down to two totally opposing viewpoints on every related topic.

It just baffles me (this has happened a number of times) that someone like me can empathise with and respect the decisions of a trans person but when revealing my personal experience of sexual violence and explaining that yes it has shaped somewhat my feelings about safe spaces, I am called transphobic. It's so upsetting and so unfair.

I'm bisexual, many of my favourite people in the world are also part of the 🏳️‍🌈 community. My trans friends are really struggling with the loudest shouting voices claiming to speak for the trans community, because many who discuss self ID on public platforms make life SO much harder for my trans friends. They paint a picture of trans people all thinking women are ridiculous for voicing concern about the safe spaces debate which is not how my own trans friends feel. They're kind and empathetic.

As a natural ally of the community it's so disheartening to see it being damaged by a vocal minority who are unwilling to discuss respectfully because they shout down people who challenge their opinion by calling them transphobic bigots. Which much of the time just isn't true.

So much rudeness towards the OP who is taking the time to answer all of your questions (even after he is asked what a man/ woman is for the hundredth time, like people think they are the first to come up with this radical new trump card).

I've read the odd thread on FWR, and I can certainly identify with some concerns raised on there. I don't agree with everything OP is saying - for example, I have some real concerns re children getting prescribed medication for gender dysphoria. I also don't think kids should be taught that if they don't conform with gender norms, then that means they are trans.

I know that TRAs say awful things to GC people on Twitter etc. But OP isn't being rude. And yet multiple posts are telling him he is a woman. What does that achieve? It's so unnecessary. What's wrong with respectful debate?

I don't have a question, but this is a real person facing a level of vitriol that I don't feel they deserve. So I just wanted to say thanks to him for sharing his views - it's always valuable to listen to people on both sides of a debate.

Just saying that I am so grateful to the women posting who are totally correct in standing up for women and children against regressive and sexist trans ideology. I would also like a list of ‘manly feelings’. Whatever happened to protecting women’s rights?