I am an ex Jehovah's witness. AMA

[gem584848838]

Not sure if this will be of interest to anyone! As per the title I am an ex Jehovah's witness that had been disfellowshipped from the religion. AMA

Alsohuman - seems like we've had v similar experiences - my mum was my best friend too.

Quite eye opening reading this and also very sad, I worked with someone whose mother was a Jehovah’s Witness but he definitely was not and they lived together, are some allowances given? I don’t believe she was also JW

*i don’t believe she was ALWAYS a JW

I am ex-mormon and so much of this is familiar.

@Josieannathe2nd yes I have got a lot of experience with that. It is called a judicial committee. If someone is found to have sinned (this could be sex before marriage, smoking, taking drugs etc) they meet with a few of the elders of the congregation and discuss it with them. They literally want to know ALL the details, even want sex acts were performed. They will ask a lot of questions. You then have to sit outside of the room and wait, thie could be for hours. They decide if you are repentant enough. If you are they will reprove you which means you are still part of the congregation but you have some of your privledges taken away or if they feel you are not sorry enough you are disfellowshipped.
It is a really enbarssing situation and quite humiliating having to discuss every gory detail

I didn’t mean you when I said that @gem584848838, obviously you know what you’re talking about - most very vocal critics don’t.

Yes, I think our experiences are pretty similar @helparguement, my experience when arranging my mother’s funeral was like yours. I was expecting to have to be quite assertive about what I wanted but I was wrong. Mum had specified the elder she wanted and he was brilliant. Afterwards he said he liked the music I chose and he felt it was perfect for her.

@Megsmcgoo that would be allowed as he hadn't been a Jehovah's witness so wasn't disfellowshipped or anything like that.

I do want to say that most Jehovah's witnesses are nice people..unfortunately the ones I have issues with are the ones at the top that make all these ridiculous rules and tell them to shun family that leave and cause families to split up.
I really miss a lot of people from the religion, it breaks my heart when I think of all those that I will never see again

I think you are portraying this religion, not cult, religion in as poor a light as you can. It’s the fastest growing religion in the world for many reasons. Definitely call BS on the person that said ‘went to a wedding and everyone turned their back’. Also call BS on the person who said a couple whose child had a blood transfusion was adopted. Wish you well but you are clearly very bitter

@Rememberfluffthecat I am just telling people what I experienced and went through. How is that bitter?! My own parents don't speak to me because of this cult. And it has happened to thousands of others. I don't wish harm on anyone and I'm not bitter. I am just telling of what ive gone through. A lot of people are very interested in this and want to hear about it

It shares two of the three recognised characteristics of a cult - the brainwashing and the exploitation’s (economic in this case) but lacks a charismatic leader.

Gem I don’t think you sound bitter. I’m certainly not. Sad at the waste of potential yes, bitter no. And I firmly believe most of the ordinary members are genuine and believe they are doing good. It is hugely appealing to people who are emotionally damaged in some way.

I don’t understand religions not allowing any debate, any variance from their dictates. I practice as a Buddhist, and one of the earliest teachings I learned was that we are not to believe anything just because Buddha said it, or because anyone else believes it, but only if we examine it closely and find it to be true for us, We are to question everything! I work next door to Scient*gies “FLAG” base and could tell you stories. They are beyond brainwashed. When I walk on my breaks and lunch, I always feel sorry for the children I see going in there with their parents. Sad to know how it will go.

I am also an ex JW, I walked away about 25 years ago with no repercussions at all, despite family members still being actively involved. Still see many around & have a blether.

However, it is very controlling, they have an answer for everything & I felt very inadequate, judged & inferior. I’m still troubled by guilt over many (normal) things, which I shouldn’t.

The Apostasy film I found absolutely spot on. I attended a Q&A at the cinema with the director & it was incredible that those who were exJW there all had this huge emotional response to being to freely share thoughts & see that we were not alone.

From previous threads I wonder if I know or know of @RJnomore1 through JWs as I think we’re in the same vicinity 😀😀

Sorry to clarify, no repercussions as in no shunning etc. Clearly had my own personal issues stemming from it tho.

I saw a tv programme awhile ago re these judicial cttees, re child protection. they were thought to be very dubious/abusive in 2 ways. if a young person reported an elder behaving inappropriately, then they the youngster would have to describe it all in detail to this group of men. and then the men usually decided that the elder was suitably repentant and so the youngster had to carry on seeing him at meetings etc. they protected their own and did not inform police or social services.
also as previously mentioned, simple growing-up things had to be confessed in detail to the group of men, often by under 18s, which seems very creepy and unhealthy to say the least.

does this still go on?

@aoibhneas nothing! Absolutely nothing

You just described your own child as contaminated, but sure, nothing wrong with any of this.

Saying people have been sucked into a cult isn't saying they're nasty, evil monsters; it's saying they've been sucked into a cult. They could still also be lovely people.

It was like they preyed on them as they would be easy to convert

That's how cults work: by targeting the vulnerable. The fact that a given cult may have a very well developed and successful strategy of targeting and recruiting vulnerable people, resulting in growth in members, does not stop any organisation from being a cult or being damaging!

That there are some people within that cult who had positive experiences in contrast to all those who were damaged doesn't change that. But it also doesn't invalidate either of their experiences.

I, for one, have no difficulty believing both sets of experiences can be true at the same time.

@Feelslikecrystal you’ve got me wondering now!

Feel free to message me any timez

Your poor contaminated child. I’m guessing that’s the reason that you aren’t longer a practicing JW? But your DH is? You had to leave to be the one to save your child’s life?

OP, I believe everything you have said to be valid

So I made the choice to be baptised? Let me explain how I made this 'choice'. I was 13 when I got baptised. I felt pushed into it by family, the elders and other congregation members. Armageddon could be here on any day and I needed to show my love to Jehovah by dedicating my life to him.
Unfortunately as many people on here probably can agree 13 is definetly not an age to make a life long committee to anything. And I wasn't the only person that made this decision so young and felt pushed into it.

So when I was in my early 20s i realised that I didn't agree with all the JW teachings and I needed to leave. One of the things I found particularly hard in the cult was that you couldn't be different. Homosexuals were seen to be disgusting. If you had any kind of different lifestyle this was frowned upon.

Oh and my sin that eventually led me to be disfellowshipped. I just happened to fall in love with a non Jehovah's witness and like any normal couple in love we slept together. I didn't go out and sleep with lots of men but I slept with one guy who was my boyfriend and who i loved deeply and who i had a relationship with for many years afterwards. How is that a sin?

I have been quite fair on this thread statingthat Jehovah'switnesses can be nice people and that it's the cult as a whole that's toxic. When you've seen so many people's lives destroyed by a cult then there'sno other way to describe it

@alexdgr8 have a read of this [[https://www.theatlantic.com/family/archive/2019/03/the-secret-jehovahs-witness-database-of-child-molesters/584311/ ]]

Argh I can't do click links. Let me try again!
www.theatlantic.com/family/archive/2019/03/the-secret-jehovahs-witness-database-of-child-molesters/584311/

This is really interesting. I don’t know a huge amount about JW.

A friend of mine at primary school was/is still a JW. We were always asked by her parents to send happy holiday cards for Christmas. Or New Years cards.

I also knew her brother (he was a hottie...!!!) but sadly he passed away when he was 21. He apparently needed a blood transfusion after an accident. But his family wouldn’t allow it. He was a lovely guy.

gem your story is similar to how my life has gone. I believe JW and Mormons are linked somehow? I was taught that JW broke off from Mormonism early in its history. Is that true?

Mormons have a long history of racist, homophobic, misogynistic teachings that continue today. They try to cover it up, but it's obviously still there in the congregations. Covering up sex abuse scandals is commonplace, as well.