I am an ex Jehovah's witness. AMA

[gem584848838]

Not sure if this will be of interest to anyone! As per the title I am an ex Jehovah's witness that had been disfellowshipped from the religion. AMA

This is a really interesting chat, thanks OP. I've name-changed so I can't be identified from my other posts.

I have a relative who is a Witness but most of his family isn't.

He does spend time with his non-Witness family but he has missed weddings and funerals of close family members because they were in churches or had a minister. They'd go to a civil ceremony but not another religious one.

They have a child they don't speak to because they are gay.

We have a good relationship but there are huge parts of my life that I cannot talk about so I feel that they don't really know me, know who I am and I'm sure he doesn't want to.

It really feels like a cult to me and I feel that my relative has been exploited and ripped off at times by other people in his congregation.

Don't know why my click links aren't working. If anyone else could repost as click link I would be really grateful.

@ememem84 that's really sad about her brother. There was a massive story a few years ago about a JW lady who died giving birth to twins due to not having a blood transfusion who would have potentially saved her life. So sad

It’s very sad to read of these experiences. I do think most of the people within the organisation are kind and good people. They are just deluded and brainwashed. The Elders are in another level . My Uncle is an Elder and has no interest in his family beyond my mother who is the only JW. His views are very Draconian and he is pretty joyless.
I have recently read a book about the Brethren. I was surprised how similar the two organisations are.
I find the notion of a group of men listening to the sexual experiences of a young woman and passing judgement extremely inappropriate.
The hate gay people and consider anyone who has sex before marriage to be beyond the pale. Their views on sexuality are extremely odd to say the least. I remember being read an article in the Watchtower at about 9 about the evils of masturbation. My mother gave me a stern lecture about it. I had no idea what she was talking about and it made me quite upset. Likewise this whole notion of the End. It was drummed into me that we were all going to face the Tribulation and then the world would end. My parents stockpiled food in the cellar. That is not a healthy way for a child to grow up.
When myself and my siblings left there were no repercussions and my mother was not encouraged to cut us off. However none of us were baptised or disfellowshipped.

@Themyscira I'm so sorry to hear you have been through similar to me
I don't believe that jehvoahs witnesses came from Mormonism but I could be wrong. Let's be honest we wouldn't be taught that as Jehovah's witnesses even if it were true!
The homophobic teachings really got to me. Also the sex abuse cover ups are awful . All you have to do is Google Jehovah's witness two witness rule and you'll see how awful it can be

@witnesschat I'm so sorry to hear that about your relative. You are right, it affects relationships in families. And how sad that he doesn't talk to his child just because they're gay. That's awful but unfortantly I am not surprised. It's common occurrence

Why are so many elders and ministerial servants window cleaners?

Did you ever compete with Mormons for houses to visit? A friend and I had a conversation about whether you could make a board game of 'JDubs v LDS'

gem I have found your words and experiences very interesting, especially so, as it must take a lot to get to a point where you can express them. I am so happy you have broken away and come to that point. It takes a lot of strength.

Ignore any that think its ok to ritually humiliate their children and fellow humans, and terrify them. Or that any organisation run solely by one sex, men, is ok, despite it contravening sex equality act, and that women are only handmaidens, and that find it acceptable to call their own children contaminated!

Its all awful,and I have heard many experiences like yours, where you have to literally walk away from everything and everyone you have known to escape.

The way these entitled men treat people is so very wrong, and by the way, your language has been very restrained indeed.

I would say thats as a result of the indoctrination you have suffered, ans it would be perfectly normal, and totally acceptable to express anger about your treatment by those supposed to love you. Also, to be very bitter about it. Those things are natural and normal responses to abuse and you move through them in recovering from it.

Im just saying its ok to feel angry and bitter because there are a few discenting voices on here trying to shut down your voice and experience, which is cruel.

Its yours,and noone else knows it and so cannot naysay it.

Its not love to inflict such cruel punishments. They are also protecting child abusers, through their practices, and thats a crime. What chance does any child have of getting protection in that environment where status as a male makes you untouchable.

What did you hear that made you doubt the JW practices and need to be away from it?

Was it your own unhappiness and sense of wrong that drove that, or something in particular that 'others' [those being preached/converted] said to you? If so, what? What particularly made you sit up and think you needed to leave, and could do that.

Also, I really hope you can get really good therapy to overcome your experiences of living every day as your last with some impending horror awaiting you. I think you are so brave to make a thread, and yes, its a very healthy way to unburden also, whilst opening others eyes to whats going on.

Window cleaning is a good job for them as they can be self employed without mixing with worldly people. It is true also that the vast majority of them aren’t well educated and are rather childlike. They don’t go to University and so menial jobs are all many of them can get. Cleaning and window washing are two main employment opportunities for them.

@RoseQuartzGlow you are so lucky you weren't baptised. That makes all the difference as to how you're treated when you leave. Although I always used to say that it wouldn't have made a difference with my dad. He was very strict. We had some family that were not Jehovah's witnesses who had never been involved in it at all so technically we could still talk to them but he cut them out totally. He was very harsh

It's extremely creepy the thought of men listening to the sexual experiences of young women, especially when you thibk some of those elders would have been unmarried and therefore virgin's and inexperienced sexually. It makes me feel sick thinking of them listening to that.

I'm not sure if I remember rightly but I remember being told that sex should just be normal missionary position and there should be no oral sex or other kinds of sex. Don't know if my memory is a bit wrong on that one though but my sister says she remembers hearing that too.

Just to back gem up a bit, I was 12 when I was baptised in very similar circumstances. And baptism is very specific, it’s a contract to do exactly as you’re told for the rest of your life or face the repercussions.

The window cleaning is because

1. You don’t need qualifications and education is a Bad Thing unless you’re reading watchtower publications as you may be influenced by worldly ideas
2. You don’t need to work with worldly people and build potential friendships with them which is a Bad Thing for the same reason as 1.

Thats, right there, the words of a cult.

Isolate people, prevent learning outside contact, actually prevent life-saving treatment for your children, or spouse presumably, so anyone trying to claim its not a cult/harmful is sadly still in its clutches, and cannot see the wood for the trees, which is the way with abuse.

A pp refuted that this could ever happen [patient dying] but anyone can control treatment, and in an emergency theres only time to save or lose the life, not for legal process.

I'm so sorry to hear of your experiences OP, it really is cult like and creepy in the way woman are treated. I work with an ex JW who left about 25 years ago as she too fell in love with a non believer and had been doubting it before that. For the first 20 years of that her mother still spoke to her and her siblings (her siblings all also left) as they had just left and not been disfellowshipped, although I get the impression the relationship was strained. However 5 years ago something happened and her mother was told to either shun her and her siblings or be disfellowshipped, obviously she chose to shun them. She still speaks to the grandchildren as they were never JW in the first place, but why was her mother suddenly made to make that choice?
The talk of window cleaners has just reminded me though that the woman I work with knows the old man who comes to clean the windows at work. Whenever he comes he asks how her mum is and she just nods and says yes she's fine but once he's left always says how awkward it is because he mustn't realise she's been shunned (when the window cleaner has been are the only time she ever talks about the whole JW situation hence why I'm not sure on all the details), I always assumed he was just a family friend but now I'm thinking he must be a JW? Why would he not be aware she was shunned though? Sorry if I'm asking impossible questions to answer!

@gem584848838
Yes you’re right about the missionary position and no oral sex. I think a lot of them must have pretty awful sex lives as no idea about what to do and years of hangups about sex. Women are also taught to obey their husbands who are head of the household.

I feel sad for my children as my mother has no idea how to relate to them and disapproves of nearly everything they do. Consequently they avoid her and feel upset that they have no bond with her. All conversations are just attempts at conversion. I also have a very poor relationship with her as I can’t talk honestly with her and have to dodge all her judgement and beliefs.

Hi gem. I am interested in other religions. Thanks for posting. Im Catholic. What to JWs think of other Christians? If practicing. Do they still think we will be destroyed?

Women are also taught to obey their husbands who are head of the household

Thats just pure mysogyny. Grotesque promotion of mysogyny, women know your place unquestioningly under your man.

The pp who left to save her sons life, honestly, this is no way to live.

You did the right thing saving your sons life (obviously!) but I sincerely hope you don't live your life in subservience to a person purely because he has different gentalia to you. That ia so so wrong and

Yes they do. They think all other Christians are using a bastardised version of the Bible which has been altered. So they use their own version. (Ironic huh?)
They don’t believe in the Trinity and believe Christ’s death is more important than his birth.
They talk about other religions being of Babylon i.e corrupt.

@Smotheroffive
There is a system of hierarchy.
God
Christ
Elders
Men generally
Women
Children

When you think the core membership is made up of uneducated, often mentally fragile people, many of whom have moved here with very little or poor English, it is quite chilling.
They know how to target the vulnerable. If they are challenged by anyone who can see through the thin tissue of lies they are told, they hurry away from the doorstep.

Rose you forgot the governing body in between Christ and elders.

God talks to them and reveals his truth (in convenient and frequently changing chunks)

Oh yes! That’s right.

Can I ask about music? I have a pupil who is not allowed to take part in any concerts that may have Christmas music in it - be it a Christmas Carol or a secular tune like Jingle Bells. Why is music so bad when we have kids of other religions playing along quite happily?

Out of interest, another question, where is the 'teaching and what does it say about why men should have have all the control over women and children?

Is it just rules, or are there actual teachings and indoctrinated beliefs about men having inately superior intelligence, or must rule due some afiliation with christ, etc.?

I hope OP is ok, and not finding this upsetting.

I hope you don't mind my answering a question asked earlier! I was told that non-JWs would be eaten alive by vultures!! It would be just us and vultures, there would be no sun, all the beautiful things like flowers, trees and animals would be in paradise, everything left would be eaten. Was told this from about 3... scared me for ages! Although I've never encountered any other ex-JWs that were told this. I'm not sure if it was just something my mother made up or if it was in a publication/meeting sometime.

I grew up a jw too
When my grandad died I drifted away (my parents didn’t have anything to do with them)
I worked with a bloke who was one and he (after a long painful journey) wanted to become a woman so started the process
They shunned him!
They actually told him to leave as he ‘didn’t fit in anymore’
I really couldn’t believe it-surely god loves you no matter what you wear