I am an ex Jehovah's witness. AMA

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Not sure if this will be of interest to anyone! As per the title I am an ex Jehovah's witness that had been disfellowshipped from the religion. AMA

I was a JW many years ago and fell away from it, not disfellowshipped. My best friends then (married couple) are still my best friends. Me and DH go to stay with them, they come to us. They have never tried to get me back into it, they just make the odd comment on things and say a prayer before meals. Otherwise we don't talk about religion. They have two grown up sons, one a JW but the other one left. They treat both the same, although they were disappointed at first. All the JWs I have met have been sincere and good, but I do wonder about those at the head of it all, seems secretive.

I am not sure why that link was posted.

If your other half is abusive/ commits adultery or other you can decide to stay or leave?

Oh god this thread has gone a bit crazy!

Just to reiterate.. I am not saying that Jehovah's witnesses can't be nice people. Oh course they can and a lot of them are. But their teachings are evil!

Some of you may know JWs that still speak to disfellowshipped family members or people that have just left. Let me make this clear, the religion definitely is clear on this, you are not to talk to disfellowshipped family members and those that have left are still considered bad associations so you should have minimal contact with them. So those JWs that you know that do talk to such people, they either haven't told their congregation they still speak to them so they are not aware or they are under immense pressure not to have contact with them and may be viewed as spiritually weak and therefore have no privileges in the congregation.

Jehovahs witnesses are usually lovely to everyone they meet. This is because they believe this is a way to give a good witness. However if you actually went and sat in on all their meetings, listened to what they teach.
All other religions are false religions and will be destroyed eventually.
All non believers are bad associations and if you do speak to them the end goal is to start a bible study and get them to the meetings. Just because you may know some people that don't do this doesn't meanthat it isn't what the my are taught at the meetings and by the elders.

There have been child abuse cases that have been covered up by the elders. People were instructed not to go to the police about such matters as it would be dealt with in the congregation. Abuse victims were told there is no backing to their claims because of the two witness rule. They were then made to sit in the kingdom hall while their abuser was in the same room, all because their abuser was repentant so was reproved and not disfellowshioped from the congregation as they should have been. Please Google Jehovah's witness abuse if you don't believe me. There are so many harrowing accounts of people going through this.

And yet someone like me, all I did was fall in love with someone outside of the religion, I'm shunned and thrown out of the congregation. And you're telling me that it isn't a cult?!!

There was a well known paedophile in my congregation that liked boys. He was reproved numerous times and we all know why. It's disgusting what he did to some of the boys in the congregation. Why was he still allowed in??

And yet a homosexual is thought to be disgusting and vile and unnatural. There was a brother in my congregation who was gay and he was disfellowshipped a few times due to this. But he kept coming back. Poor man was made to feel like he was not normal. He clearly struggled.

I'm sorry but I have read a few of your posts and thought, oh fuck off! Please watch John Cedar on YouTube. And also watch some of the videos the JWs make like the Jehovah's witness broadcasting and also the cartoon for little kids. It's really disturbing

I am with a non believer, as are lots of people. I am not shunned or thrown out of the congregation. We are invited as a couple to JW events and friends home?

But I do accept there have been issues with abusers not being dealt with correctly in the past.

I have seen the broadcasts and use some of the videos in class. I don't see anything disgusting in the videos or the songs?
They are age appropriate and promote things like tidying your bedroom and respect? Could you say what disturbs you?

@ cabbage
I am curious as to why you stay. What do you like about the religion? What does it offer you? Do you have any doubts?

I am not sure why that link was posted.

I did not read it as If your other half is abusive/ commits adultery or other you can decide to stay or leave? but rather as heavy pressure to stay with an adulterous or abusive ("even to the point that she feels that her health or life is in danger") husband because it might turn him into "a true worshipper". After all, the link points out, being a divorced women might be hard. There's a nice bit of emotional blackmail about the effects on the children too: "Would a divorce make it harder to raise them in the truth?" Better stay with your abusive husband in case your kids decide the JWs are not for them, ladies.

@library
Yes, that’s what I remember about the teachings. Put up with it and endure because the man knows best.

You have read it out of context. There would have been a preamble and congregational questions and answers about the subject. There has been additional conventions about the issue.

The guidance is do all you can to make your marriage work but if it can't work then leave.

There are separated and divorced people in the congregation. Sometimes it is the woman who is the unreasonable person.
The decision is personal and based on that marriage only.

I would suggest cabbage that actually it's probably mostly the women that are unreasonable.

They are the damnedest things, despite their clear inferiority. Silly women not staying in their place subservient to men.

I hope no women dare to pull on a pair a trousers!

Nothing out of context. The whole article is there to be read.

I’m slightly lost as to your preamble but the questions and answers referred to would be the questions noted below each paragraph being asked abd then congregation members answering based on what is written in each paragraph. It would not in any way challenge the advice given.

That’s just one example from the last year, so very current, of advice and peer pressure/control that puts women and children at risk.

The article is simply a starting point.
It allows those studying to answer and gain confidence and for the more mature to offer depth, personal experiences or additional research to their answers.

Any experience of JW will be very different, depending on whether you were ever BAPTISED or not.

This is the one factor that will completely change how you are/were treated.

Not baptised = potential JW, you will always see the sweet, sunny, friendly side because they still hope to make you one of them (and the lovely, genuine people amongst them believe this will ultimately save your life). There is no shunning, nor punishment for you (unless dealing with unusual family strictness).
It is a serious thing for a JW to "stumble a non-believer", and therefore you will only ever see the best they have to offer.

Baptised = full rules in force, namely shunning or reproofs escalating to shunning for breaking any rules, subject to a degree of your local elders' interpretation (eg. how much time you spend with "worldly" people).
This will affect you more or less depending on how many family members you have in the religion, and whether they are going to follow the rules or secretly try to bend them (still talk to you).

If you are disfellowshipped, or walk away (self-disassociation), then members (including family) are meant to shun you or risk being shunned themselves.

The problems really start when you have multi-generational JW (as in my family) and deep fissures can be caused or threatened to be caused - spouse against spouse, parent against child, etc. If baptised, then you lose everything and everyone when you walk away.

I love the people (including my own remaining family). The "religion" is a cult, and a horrendously damaging one for many (baptised) people.

Additional research from where? Not anywhere that may offer a contrasting viewpoint; that would be part of the temptation and persecution that should be expected.

I think you forget many of us on here have lived experience of this.

You do not disagree with what’s in the watchtower and we both know it.

Other horrendous messages I remember include that you should be prepared to fight to the death against a rapist to preserve your marital fidelity or your virginity; that terminating a pregnancy for any reason including rape, severe disability or maternal risk was a sin; and that mental ill health was often caused by demonic influence.

People always focus on the blood aspect but the truth is it’s one of the least troubling and most uncommon aspects of the whole thing.

Those who were baptized as Jehovah’s Witnesses but no longer preach to others, perhaps even drifting away from association with fellow believers, are not shunned. In fact, we reach out to them and try to rekindle their spiritual interest.
We do not automatically disfellowship someone who commits a serious sin. If, however, a baptized Witness makes a practice of breaking the Bible’s moral code and does not repent, he or she will be shunned or disfellowshipped. The Bible clearly states: “Remove the wicked man from among yourselves.”—1 Corinthians 5:13.

Was trying to add copied and pasted sorry. Doesn't seem to be an edit option?

I lived a good ten years of my life in utter fear (having been baptised at 13), when I realised I simply did not believe everything I was being taught.

I spent several more years, utter miserably, going along to all the meetings and doing everything I was supposed to (including lying through my teeth about what I really thought/believed).

I lived a false life because I knew what would happen to me, having seen it happen to other family members - that I would be utterly cut off if I said I didn't believe. And what/who else did I have? No one (having obediently avoided making "worldly" connections all my life).

You don't have to commit any "sin" at all. You only have to not believe the teachings any more, to be disfellowshipped... or considered self-disassociated (same outcome).

Patricia I'm sorry you've experienced all that being in utter fear growing up is far from how childhood should be not being protected by your parents, but coerced.

I'm so glad you made it out!

OP, I have a weird question: I came across a mother and son (both JW) last Sunday morning. The mother was dressed smartly, but still weather-appropriate (it's 35°C plus here), but her son, who couldn't be older than 5, was fully suited-up. Are there different expectations for how males and females must dress?

Also, this woman had a go at a colleague because she was explaining how one can try to understand evolution by studying bugs. Apparently evolution conflicts with their beliefs. All the science stuff that goes against the Bible, do Jeovah Witnesses believe it's all an attempt of wordly people to confuse them, or God's way to test faith?

@InTropicalTrumpsLand

Yes men are expected to dress in suits whatever the weather when representing their faith. Evolution is also denied. God literally made the earth and everything on it. I don't think JWs believe in dinosaurs either, though I may be wrong.
@cabbageking You aren't taking up the points people have made about their personal experiences, just toeing the party line.
How do you justify hatred and revulsion of homosexuals, the unequal treatment of women, child abuse cases covered up, denial of evolution? Talk about the devil which terrified me as a child and left me traumatised. Endlessly changing the dates of Armageddon to suit the current agenda? The list goes on...

How do you justify hatred and revulsion of homosexuals, the unequal treatment of women, child abuse cases covered up, denial of evolution? Talk about the devil which terrified me as a child and left me traumatised. Endlessly changing the dates of Armageddon to suit the current agenda? The list goes on...

@RoseQuartzGlow, you know the answer to most of those questions is because they read the bible literally. It forbids homosexuality, says the man is the head of the house and describes creation, it also describes Satan in graphic terms. When I look at the world around me and what they preach about the “last days”, based on Revelations, I sometimes think they may have a point there!

The denial of child abuse and refusal to report it to the police is something I didn’t know about and am appalled by. The two witness scenario is ridiculous. How on earth can they square that with their consciences?

cabbageking

The article is simply a starting point.
It allows those studying to answer and gain confidence and for the more mature to offer depth, personal experiences or additional research to their answers.

The article is VERY CLEAR that there's an assumption that a woman, even if she's in an abusive marriage to the extent that she's in fear of her life, should stay in the marriage because it might help the abuser to become a better person. With that as a starting point, what sort of direction could subsequent study and discussion be expected to take?

Those who were baptized as Jehovah’s Witnesses but no longer preach to others, perhaps even drifting away from association with fellow believers, are not shunned. In fact, we reach out to them and try to rekindle their spiritual interest.

On MN, a woman reporting a man continually contacting her after they've broken up, trying to persuade her that his view is right and she's just being silly, is encouraged to block, cut all contact, move away, report to the police. That sort of behaviour is gaslighting, stalking and harassing. But hey, I'm sure they're lovely people, so it's different. Right?

Look, you're obviously deeply entrenched in the JWs. You seem to be in an atypically very liberal-minded congregation. If it's working for you right now, fine. Be aware that it's OK to question and, if you become unhappy, it's OK to leave. There is a life out there, bigger than the one inside, and resources to help people who escape from cults.

@Alsohuman
I agree with you about the Last Days. I think they may have some things right but they are so lost in the distortions as to be unintelligible.
I know nothing about the origins of the belief system or how it came about. Very similar to the Plymouth Brethren.
My question to cabbage is really about how she can justify being part of an organisation with such laughable and damaging beliefs.
I understand where the bellies originate.
I wish Lous Theroux would do a programme on the JWs.

You do not need two witnesses for child abuse or criminal activity.
To expect a witness to something so often private is perverse and incorrect.
You contact the Police.
This has been stressed again and again at meetings and assemblies.
Child abuse is vile and disgusting.

I have made it clear this is my experience and that you seem to have experienced something different.

However I have not cast any aspersions on your character or judged you in anyway because you disagree with me.

I have highlighted where your comments disagree with JW beliefs and where some JW have been inappropriate in their behaviour.

I have not judged all that leave or believe differently in any way.

I thought you wanted to discuss views and answer questions but clearly I have misunderstood the reason for the post.

I can not change your experience but equally I have not belittled you in any way.

I wish you all the best.

@cabbageking, please don’t take offence. To be honest, I think you’re pretty courageous to post on this thread and your contribution is valuable.

As I’d never heard of the child abuse allegations, I googled it and was very shocked by what I found. One particular congregation in Manchester comes out of it very badly indeed. Now, you may say that’s one congregation that’s gone rogue and I’d agree it’s a possibility but you must agree it means to an outsider will judge the entire organisation on it.

While I obviously don’t agree with homophobic and misogynistic attitudes - they’re part of the reason I left - Witnesses are very far from the only religion that has these values.

I have highlighted where your comments disagree with JW beliefs

Tou have right there asserted a presupposition that you are right and all these other pp are wrong.

Frankly, you are wrong to do that.

These are JW beliefs in action that pp have so distressibgly posted about, and you conveniently skip around the more obvious and unpalatable ones that have been evidenced here.

Please don't be so arrogant to tell people they are wrong when this is their lived experience.