I'm a midwife AMA

[Jemima232]

Community Midwife with four children of my own.

Also worked as an Independent Midwife.

Breastfeeding Counsellor and Sleep Consultant.

I'm trying to answer all the questions and will go back to the beginning because I know I've missed some.

I had a 4000 mls blood loss with dc1 and needed a few transfusions, I got a tear and think that might have added to things.
I then had a 2000 mls blood loss with dc2 and was told that I was very ‘vascular’ when they went in to do the c section.

Would I be crazy to think about a third? I’m now 6 years older and 39 but I’m also about 7 stone lighter than I was when I had dc2 if that makes any difference.

Hello, it was me who raised the pain relief question.

I was thinking mainly of not being allowed an epidural until 4cm, which is apparently a thing at my local hospital (big London teaching hospital). I wouldn't personally know, as I chose ELCS (it was awesome), but certainly the local ante-natal classes teach that this is the procedure there.

Also, friends have reported not being allowed anything but paracetamol there until at least 4cm. One was made to feel like a baby for begging for gas and air.

There have also been reports of being stalled for an epidural, and then told it's too late. The women it happened to seemed to feel this was deliberate. I guess at the least they have not felt their midwives had compassion for them. At worst, they have been left in agony, and denied autonomy, because of someone else's agenda.

Not tarring all midwives with the same brush, btw. You sound like one of the good ones. And I have to say that those who dealt with me were all great. But there is a consistent theme, which may be down to a minority, but is troubling nonetheless.

Thanks for doing the thread. It's really interesting.

ThatCurlyGirl

Oh!

My DH has been mostly ignored all day while I've been trying to answer everyone, but I read your question out to him and we're both in bits.

I (obviously) don't know the circumstances around your birth, but I can tell you what happened to a baby who was left at my own hospital some years ago.

She was brought straight to the labour ward by the police. She had been found close to the hospital.

She was newborn. After she was warmed up and checked over by a doctor, she was taken to one of the post-natal wards, where she was cared for by the midwives until she was two weeks old. She was given a name and went to foster parents until adoption could be arranged.

I found your story so moving. Did you meet your birth mother - not that it's any of my business?

@ThatCurlyGirl

Your post moved me too, but I didn't want to intrude on either the OP's thread or her response to you.

However, we've had similar cases in Ireland over the years.

What I would say that I would guarantee you, is that you would have been idolised, both from the police involved, to the nurses caring for you. I suspect you brought out every maternal instinct in every nurse in the hospital who were all probably dying to hear that you were doing well and surviving every day.

From the cases in Ireland, there is always massive compassion both for mother and baby in such circumstances. Everyone loves to hear what the hospital has named the baby. I can't imagine a nurse being able to part from you very easily. It's just natural instinct. A tiny abandoned baby tugs at everyones' heartstrings so I would say you were probably adored during your time in hospital!

Not quite what you were asking. But just thought I'd mention it anyway. And I've had big burly police men be so compassionate to me, that you wouldn't believe. So I imagine they would have absolutely adored (yet been sad) a tiny little baby like you were when you were found. I expect they possibly visited you too in your very early days (if they were allowed)!

My hospital (surrey) only gives paracetamol until 4cm dilated. I thought this was standard!
They don't admit you to labour ward before 4cm so I think that's why.

@asdou

That's a million times better answer than mine.

Thank you.

I'll come back to this tomorrow and answer everyone.

Can I ask you what part of the baby this is? It's one of the photos from my 12 week scan.

@Jemima232 Unfortunately Ireland has a bleak Catholic past where we were very much under the thumb of the church. For that reason, there has been a probably higher number of similar cases to @ThatCurlyGirl than might be typical, because they would have been young women out of 'wedlock'

Even in this past year there was a case. And as you know on comments on articles on FB and similar, things can get nasty, but on articles such as babies like CurlyGirls', there is nothing but compassion and joy when a follow on article says that the hospital has named the baby and that the baby is doing well.

I'd say CurlyGirl was the star of the show for her first few days on this planet! You'd have had more fuss made of you I'd say than the Queen of England!

Just wondering about
Dd1's birth. She was full term but quite tiny at just 6lbs. I had a retained placenta. I didn't have any urge to push once dd was born and midwife was pulling on cord when it came away from the placenta and i had a manual removal.
When dd2 came along she was also full term but over 2lbs heavier. No problems with placenta. It delivered easily.
Afterwards DH who had cut the cords said they were very different, that dd1's was very thick and difficult to cut compared to dd2s.
I never had a chance to ask about it but does it sounds like there could have been an issue with the cord/placenta with dd1?
I've often wondered about it.
I hadn't had a scan for ages when she was born. I was measuring normal for dates and there were no concerns at the time.
When I was expecting dd2 a consultant asked me why dd1 was so small. He didn't have my notes so didn't have any info.
Thanks.

Have you read the ama thread about giving birth in Japan?
I found it fascinating that in such a high tech modern country most hospitals are no pain relief in childbirth hospitals.
What is your opinion

@Jemima232 @asdou

Oh my goodness thank you for both being so lovely, it made me cry (in a nice way)!

Spot on - My birth mum was Irish and came over to England on the ferry by herself to hide the latter stages of being pregnant as she would have been totally excommunicated from her family and church had they found out.

I think she must have been incredibly brave to do this and I'm so grateful she carried me as long as she could before giving birth, it must have been utterly terrifying to do so alone and to leave me near the hospital so I'd be ok was a huge act of love.

I've realised this as I've got older, I wasn't abandoned, she made a situation where I'd be rescued.

Thank you for saying birth mum not 'real mum' as this phrase used to see me locked in the toilets crying at school, because I felt so angry on my mums behalf as she chose to adopt me and love me and as far as I'm concerned is my real mum, not taking anything away from my birth mum of course.

I've never met her but she was tracked down and given some medical help a few weeks later, she didn't want to hold me which again now I'm older I can understand as it would have made everything harder. Poor, poor girl :(

I was luckily fostered by a lovely family and then adopted. I have my lovely mummy and we've always called my birth Mum my 'tummy mummy' which I think was a stroke of genius on my family's behalf!

As far as I'm concerned my family are just as much my family as they would be if blood related, but that doesn't mean I don't hold my birth mother in huge regard and I would like before she passes away for her to know she did an incredible thing and that I ended up making the most of life partly because I felt I owed it to her for giving me a chance.

I'm scared to start looking for her because I hate the thought of causing a situation where she has to tell people if she hasn't - she's likely to have kept this secret from her family and unfortunately if she's married her husband and kids too, due to the strict Irish catholic upbringing. I can't imagine her feelings of shame and confusion realising she was pregnant, grown up me wants to give teenage her a huge cuddle and say thank you.

This next bit you said has brought me so such peace and happiness, I'm going to imagine little baby me being fussed over when I feel sorry for myself - thank you xxx

I can't imagine a nurse being able to part from you very easily. It's just natural instinct. A tiny abandoned baby tugs at everyones' heartstrings so I would say you were probably adored during your time in hospital!

Oh god a friend just rang and I told her about your lovely replies and she confessed during her own labour at really tough points all she kept thinking was "curly has to tell her birth mum how amazing she was to do this alone" because it was so hard. She didn't know how to tell me that before so thank you.

I haven't had a baby yet but I suspect it'll leave me with some confusing feelings but ultimately admiration and thankfulness still.

More lovely crying, what a gorgeous unselfish thing for my friend to think at that moment. Some days I think the worst of the world but I'm going into day feeling grateful and positive.

Thank you again and sorry for hijacking the thread

Re privacy and dignity when giving birth, this was a massive thing for me and I think contributed to the degree of birth trauma I had with my assisted delivery and there being so many people present.

I recently saw some ‘birth plan stickers’ shared by the popular midwife on Instagram (Clemmie hooper I think) and one was specific to elective c-sections and requested ‘theatre staff to stay up by mums head during catheterising’ for privacy. I was surprised that little things like that aren’t just done as standard to enhance and maintain a degree of dignity?

I had a forceps delivery in theatre and it felt like half the world was present. Is there any protocol during vagina assisted deliveries for staff present who aren’t actually involved in the pushing/delivering part to give the woman a degree of privacy by staying away from the business end? Or is it just seen as fair game that whoever is in the room can wonder and observe the birth if they want to, even if it’s not necessary.

*@ThatCurlyGirl

If midwifery has taught me anything, it's to expect the unexpected.

I think this has enriched the thread and it was so good of you to share the update about your feelings towards your birth mother.

@asdou - have you read The Light in the Window (June Goulding)

DinosaurAteMyDaffodils

If you have a third baby and an elective caesarean is booked for 39+ weeks - should you go into labour prior to that, they will perform your section when you get to the labour ward. They won't leave you labouring for hours.

You may indeed have a problem with the shape of your pelvis, from what you've said.

Great thread OP

I have a 3 year old ds. I had GD and was booked in for induction at 39+4. My waters started to leak at 39+2. I went in the next day and they started induction as planned at 8am at 39+4.
The induction failed, and his heart rate dropped to 65 so ended up in emcs. My epidural had worn off and the spinal didn’t work so I had a GA.

When I woke up my ds had been taken to special care. He was born at 8.41pm and I wasn’t allowed to see him until 11am the next morning, I was awake all night and kept asking but they just said no. I’m in Ireland by the way.
Anyway 2 days after he was born I overheard the midwife tell the doctor that I had had a placental abruption and lost 2 pints of blood. No one bothered to tell me.

I feel such guilt that my little baby spent his first night all alone and I wasn’t there to hold him(Dh did see and hold him briefly) and I’m curious as to why they wouldn’t bring me down or him up and why they didn’t bother to tell me what had happened?

He was only being monitored for blood sugars and they were perfect. They bottle fed him but thankfully I still got to breastfeed after.

@OverTheHorizon

Disclaimer - This is my own, personal opinion.

Induction of labour can work very well, especially in women who have had a previous baby vaginally.

It does, however, often lead to a protracted labour in which the woman becomes exhausted. I think that women generally don't always appreciate that it may be three days from the start of the induction until they see their baby.

One intervention generally leads to another. I should start a whole new thread about this, really. I think that if the uterus has to be persuaded to do something which it wasn't ready to do, then we should not expect the process to go swimmingly, and often, it doesn't.

You ask why so many are done. I don't know. I have seen a lot done for what seemed very spurious reasons.

Women do often ask to be induced once they approach term. If they knew how long it was likely to take, perhaps they wouldn't.

@KeepingBees

You had a post-partum haemorrhage, from what you describe.

I am surprised that this was described as "moderate bleeding" when it clearly wasn't. If you have another baby, make sure you clarify the whole thing with your midwife (hopefully not the same one!)

I cannot answer your question about the Clexane. It may be a local policy?

Hi. My first pregnancy ended in a mmc. I found out at the 12 week scan that baby had stopped growing at 6 weeks. I had brown spotting between weeks 6 and 9 and the midwife wasnt concerned.

My second pregnancy ended naturally at 5 weeks.

Im now 6 weeks pregnant and having brown discharge. I wasnt able to get a doctors appointment but im seeing the midwife tomorrow. Im worried the same thing is happening as the first pregnancy. Do you think they'll be able to give me an early scan? I would rather find out sooner than later if the pregnancy is over.

I also found out i have a negative bliod type so not sure if that has anything to do with it.

@HeyMummee

That sounds very fast and yes, some women are more sensitive to Propess than others.

The trouble is that it isn't possible to know in advance what's going to happen. You do have a choice about whether to accept an induction/acceleration of labour.

@HeyMummee

Your last question - how often does it happen so quickly?

Not often at all. Probably there are two factors at play here - you were just about to go into labour anyway, and you were particularly sensitive to the prostaglandin.

Thank you so much for your answer! That makes me feel better. I’ve been wondering whether I should have just refused and let things happen naturally, but I suppose there’s no right or wrong answer. In one way it was good it happened quickly so it was over and done with, but nothing could have prepared me for it after a 28 hour labour with my first. Thank you again