I'm a midwife AMA

[Jemima232]

Community Midwife with four children of my own.

Also worked as an Independent Midwife.

Breastfeeding Counsellor and Sleep Consultant.

[Jemima232]

Sorry - I'm trying to catch up with everything. So many questions - I will get round to them all.

@MamaDane

I didn't bond with any of my babies until they were about a week old, apart from DS1, who was my second baby.

This is very normal and a great many women feel like this. I actually thought I was going mad when I had my first baby because it took a whole week before the love between us kicked in. But I can actually remember the precise moment when it did, and it was very powerful and sudden.

I had four LSCS in the end. Three were with general anaesthetics. DS1 was born under an epidural, and I sometimes wonder if that was why I bonded with him immediately.

But please don't worry that you don't feel the connection to your babies yet.

[Napssavelives]

Low lying placenta at 20 weeks, still low at 34 weeks, what’s the likelihood of it moving by 36 and avoid a csection?

[Angharad07]

I laboured on the induction ward until I was 6cm. I was vomiting almost constantly. As soon as my waters broke I was having one 30 second contraction per minute (I might not be quite right about the duration as I was out of it). The pain was unbearable from the start and the contractions were so bad I had to pee standing up (is that normal?).

After my epidural I felt much better but my heart rate was high so they did a blood test. It turns out I was extremely dehydrated. After baby was born my kidneys were at 40% capacity and I felt weak and nauseated for days. Is that normal?

In the end I had focepts and an emergency c section.

[Jemima232]

@IABUQueen

I think your post demonstrates the point someone else brought up about pain relief in labour, and the fact that your midwife was very dismissive about what you were feeling. I'm glad that she apologised in the end because what you describe doesn't sound acceptable.

I was wondering how long ago your delivery was? If sounds like it's still playing on your mind quite a bit. You can contact the hospital and ask for a labour debrief session so that you can explore exactly what happened with someone who has your notes and can talk you through everything.

You ask if you should have had a more experienced midwife - well, midwives see meconium in the waters every day, but I do understand how difficult it would be whilst you were in labour, to ask for another midwife. Maybe the induction was on the rapid side. Your baby was small and you clearly haven't recovered emotionally from the birth.

Please do look at having a debrief. Obviously I haven't got your notes but your feelings of not being listened to and not being given pain relief when you needed it need to be brought to the attention of someone who can go through it with you, and hopefully make changes in the attitude of that one midwife you met on the day you had your baby.

I have had my own pain relief needs dismissed by midwives, and it isn't right that this happens.

[Prequelle]

How does this square with the policy of only allowing paracetamol(!) up to 4cm dilation, for example?
As well as my normal nurse role im a Pain Management Link Nurse and this has just appalled me. I know my trust hasn't got this policy and I'm sure our very competant Pain Specialists wouldn't allow it either.

[Jemima232]

@Changingagain

I honestly don't know what to say to you.

Every sweep this consultant does leads to labour?

I can see why you'd be on the fence about accepting this offer, if I'm honest.

Obviously you need the induction due to the diabetes.

What do you really think yourself?

[Jemima232]

@Prequelle

I absolutely agree and I have never heard of this policy (about paracetamol until 4cm dilatation) in any hospital I've worked in.

[Jemima232]

@Napssaveslives

I would say it's unlikely to move by 36 weeks, but it isn't possible to say this definitively on an internet forum.

Good luck, whatever happens.

[Littlejayx]

Hi!

I had my first baby last year in a lovely hospital with a lovely team of midwives.

I was told to go home after a check with a speculum as I was no where near ready to give birth and my midwife told me to leave. I had no idea what to expect the pain but she said it was a 2 out of ten and wasn’t contracting yet

I gave birth 20 mins later in the bathroom next to my room, after all this she never returned to see me and send a student to help with my aftercare. All fine, I would have liked less drama and more pain relief but I’m lucky to be in a country where we have a safe environment to give birth.

However we bought all the midwives some chocolates etc , she refused them via another midwife. Is this because I did something wrong? I never asked but it has stuck with me 😞

[Prequelle]

I'm super glad you haven't heard of it either jemima. Whatever hospital is using that policy needs reporting.

I have a question please (16 weeks preg). Perineal massage later on in pregnancy- yay or nay? I work quite closely with OB and gynae consultants, some rate it some had never heard of it (!).

[Jemima232]

@SpurioserAndSpurioser

Thanks for your comments. I don't think there is any doubt that we both work to achieve the best outcome for mothers and babies. I have the greatest respect for doctors, as you have for midwives.

But the poster to whom I was replying did ask for some of the negative points regarding midwifery, and there can be tension between some doctors and some midwives, which is unfortunate.

I really wasn't implying that we spent every day arguing about policy and I would like to apologise if that was how it came across.

Women need doctors and midwives and usually, we agree with one another. It's just some individuals who can make the workplace a difficult place to be in, whether it's the doctor or the midwife causing the upset.

[gingertom11]

Great thread!
I had a blood clot almost 5 years ago that could only be put down to being on the pill at the time. As a result, I was on fragmin injections throughout my pregnancy (my son is now almost 8 months) as a preventative measure. Because of this I was told from the outset that I wouldn't be able to have a home birth because of the clot/hemmorage risk(?). I ended up having a great, straightforward water birth in the midwife led unit, minimal blood loss and went home the same day. As a result of this, I really want to have a home birth for my next baby, do you think they're more likely to allow it due to my straightforward first labour?

To be honest the community midwife made me worry more than I should have, and I thought I was going to have to have a consultant led birth up until I saw the consultant at 28 weeks and he couldn't have been more laidback and was all of me having my midwife led water birth.

[Jemima232]

@Prequelle

It's a Yay from me.

Have you read Spiritual Midwifery (Ina May Gaskin)?

They advocate it in their practice and have an impressive perineal laceration rate (68.8% intact perineums and 19.1% 1st degree tear)

It's a brilliant textbook.

[Prequelle]

I haven't read it but I am pretty sure I have a copy shoved in the loft (before I did my RN degree I thought I wanted to do midwifery and bought a load of second hand textbooks), thankyou for reminding me about that I'll get DP to grab it tomorrow!

I do want to try the massage but I'm still feeling a bit funny about it all for some reason ha

[Prequelle]

And yy about the tensions between doctors and midwives/nurses. I don't think people realise sometimes just how much some of us have to fight and advocate for our patients to some doctors. It's not meant to offend saying that, it's just the sad truth.

[Passthecherrycoke]

So honestly, is gas and air any good as a painkiller or does it just get you off your face so you don’t care about pain anymore?

I’m due in 2 weeks and trying to get on the midwife unit (same building as consultant unit, just upstairs) for a VBAC this time (last time crash section, GA, PPH (surgical) 1500 ml lost but all a bit random (cord compression) so unlikely to reoccur).

The midwives (including birth planning consultant midwife) are very positive about this but the consultant a bit non committal. It’s in my notes that I want to be on MLU so I’m just going to rock up on the day. Do you reckon they’ll reject me and send me down? Does that happen?

[Prequelle]

Not my thread so tell me to butt out but cherrycoke gas and air is a bit of both. It does have an analgesic effect, it releases serotonin and opioid neurotransmitters, and also inhibits a receptor that helps control pain and feelings of euphoria. Studies show it to be equivalent to about 15mg of subcut morphine in its analgesic affect. I don't deal with term labouring women but we use it for women miscarrying or having examinations and the act of having to suck on the tube gives them something to focus on and a way to control their breathing which seems to add to the affect

[Passthecherrycoke]

Thank you v much prequelle that’s super useful! It made me faint last time, but I’m willing to give it a go again. I quite fancy some feelings of euphoria

[Prequelle]

Just take it slowly and take breaths of normal air in between sometimes, it'll help stop you feeling too dizzy or fainting. Hope everything goes okay! I'm a wimp when it comes to pain so god knows how I'm going to cope.

[flopsyandflim]

Interesting that you say labour is often possible without having any VE’s, do you think many women are actually aware of this? I feel that unfortunately they don’t really drive the point home that most things are offered and optional, language seems to be manipulated to make women think they have to do things or aren’t ‘allowed’ to say no. Do you think this could change?

Also surprised that most women don’t poo? I know l certainly did both times My midwife never suggested a suppository when I asked if there was any way to prevent it (or at least make it not too bad) during pregnancy! Do you think many women take one in labour? Seems a less extreme throwback to the enemas they used to dish out.

[Dinosauratemydaffodils]

but maybe the head didn't descend due to disproportion?

He got as far as mid pelvis but no lower. Apparently didn't budge at all with the forceps. I'm 5'8, he was six pounds nine ounces albeit with a a 38 cm head.

I am also surprised as to why you're not being offered a caesarean before their cut-off.

I'm not pregnant at the moment. We are considering our options but everyone I've spoken to (2 consultants, the community midwives and a doctor friend who works in a NICU) have all said the same thing, that a "potentially dodgy" pelvis is not a reason to have a c-section before 39 weeks which is what is pushing me towards a no. With my second, they were all lovely when I rocked up in labour but I still had about 8 hours of unmedicated back to back labour to get through before I eventually got my section.

[ThatCurlyGirl]

@Jemima232 Finding this really interesting thanks again - if you have time to answer any more questions from earlier in the thread that'd be great as I'd love thoughts on mine but I know you're super busy so if not then thanks for all the answers so far, has been a lovely thread x

[NicoAndTheNiners]

tmh

what are the chances of having shoulder dystocia? I had this with my first and this is one of the main things putting me off having another x

As a midwife rather than just saying request an elective section as you're likely to have another shoulder dystocia I'd be wanting to explore the possible reasons why you had one last time. Did you have an instrumental, what position were you in, how big was the baby, etc? The answers to such questions could really make a difference to advice.

You could ask for a birth debrief so a midwife could go through your notes with you and discuss future birth options.

[NicoAndTheNiners]

*
I know many, many wonderful midwives who are childless. But they do not have the experience of baby-rearing, baby-feeding and finding a nursery/childminder/nanny, nor can they appreciate the vast amount of post-natal knowledge which is essential if they are to give advice based on experience.

I would totally disagree with this, and I say that as someone who is a midwife and mother. We all experience everything differently, just because you found your labours a certain way, or your breastfeeding a certain way does not mean you can understand every woman's labour,etc. We give evidence based advice in the main, not anecdotal experienced based advice. Yes, there may be some times when you give advice from something you have learned from experience not a guideline or book, but you could have learned that from doing the job, not being a mother.

[Jemima232]

Littlejayx

What level of pain did you feel it was at? How could the midwife decide what pain level you were at? it was your pain, after all.

Did you think you were in labour? After all, you delivered 20 minutes later.

Regarding the chocolates - how odd to decline them.