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AMA

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Original poster

Im a retired shoplifter AMA

278 replies

WorkingGirlJem · 04/01/2019 15:17

That's it really. Have been a shoplifter for approx 10 years, and have recently decided to stop.
I'm not proud of myself, am fully expecting to get flamed, but and am hoping getting this out there will help with my resolve to stop permanently.
AMA

OP posts:
HowlsMovingBungalow · 05/01/2019 09:11

The clue is in the OP's name Trucking.

HowlsMovingBungalow · 05/01/2019 09:12

Op declared she was a escort for 5 yrs.

continuallychargingmyphone · 05/01/2019 09:14

I don’t give a fuck what the OP was and for how long. I think ‘whore’ is a disgusting word and I judge the deliverer more harshly than any shoplifter.

Xmastinseltown · 05/01/2019 09:19

Mirror
The OP has made it clear that she didn't steal because she needed to (not that there's really an excuse for stealing, but I guess more people would be sympathetic if she stole food, for example, as she was struggling to feed her family).

The OP stole because she wanted to, and stole things she doesn't 'need'. That's probably why she's not had the greatest reception.
Would you defend someone who stole from you?

mirrormo · 05/01/2019 09:35

If I believed she was genuinely sorry, she made amends and never did it again, yes I would.

Truckingonandon · 05/01/2019 09:38

Thanks How - I hadn't looked at her name! I thought it was some sort of psychic brainwaves!!

MysweetAudrina · 05/01/2019 09:39

Are you worried that you will replace this behaviour with some other self sabotaging behaviour?

Do you think there is any connection between your work as an escort and this behaviour?

It seems to me from your posts that you have somehow managed to disconnect from yourself and now that you have stopped carrying out this behaviour you are left with the anxiety that you have been masking up to now.

I think you need to sit with those feelings and accept them. Do you think the shame you felt fro stealing was really just shame you already felt? Although those feelings are uncomfortable the only way to get rid of them is to sit with them, feel them and then let them go. I am concerned that if you don't deal with the underlying feelings that you will substitute the shop lifting for something different but equally as damaging to your self esteem.

mirrormo · 05/01/2019 10:19

Do you like dangerous situations?

Botanica · 05/01/2019 10:21

@MysweetAudrina your words are exactly what I thought whilst reading the thread.

OP shoplifted for a reason. That reason has not been dealt with so I also fear that another destructive behaviour or habit may take it's place in due course.

MrsBrianWarner · 05/01/2019 10:44

The shoplifting wont stop.

Op is in denial about their ability to cease at this stage. Its very usual.

This will only end when they are caught. Which is probably what they actually want at this point.

IAmAlwaysLikeThis · 05/01/2019 10:53

“Mumsnet, where spending £75 per head on your wedding guests is beyond the pale, but heaven forbid we judge a “retired” shoplifter”

I mean, unless it’s exactly the same people saying both, that’s a silly thing to write

Snog · 05/01/2019 11:10

I think your current anxiety is because you have given up shoplifting but perhaps not dealt with the reasons that you shoplifted in the first place.

Talking therapies could really help OP.

Original poster
WorkingGirlJem · 05/01/2019 11:15

Crikey! So many messages Shock
Too many to single out and answer individually, however...
After reflecting on this thread overnight I decided that yes I should get rid of everything from my home that has been stolen. I feel that would also be a way forward, so I have plans to start that on my next day off on Monday.
Everything will be donated to my local women's refuge to do with it as they wish.
I am really looking forward to doing this because that is another step to trying to forget what I did.

For those of you who commented, I am not aware of any reason why I did this. I did not have an abusive childhood, or mental health issues. I am not depressed, nor do I believe that now I have given up I will replace it with some other self sabotaging behaviour.

Escorting was a means to an end. I didn't want to work long hours while trying to complete my education and the money was good, and (for me) the work was easy.
I know many people who have done it who also do not regret it. It doesn't define me as a person, just my attitude to sex.

OP posts:
Pinkyyy · 05/01/2019 11:18

I find it hard to believe that you're going to donate everything you own.

Original poster
WorkingGirlJem · 05/01/2019 11:28

Tiscold I agree, I was greedy and self absorbed while I was shop lifting however that doesn't define me as a person. I am a very good parent, a reliable friend and family member. I excel at my job. I have many very good qualities, If you knew me in rl you would never believe me cabable of this.

MrsBrian No ill health, no milestone birthday. The 'trigger' for stopping as far as I can work out was starting a Wellness course. I suddenly started looking at myself in a different light. I saw traits in myself that I didn't like. I didn't want to be that person anymore.
This might sound ridiculous but I was actually looking forward to budgeting for things like normal people do.

OP posts:
Original poster
WorkingGirlJem · 05/01/2019 11:31

Not everything I own Pinkyy, everything that is in my home that is in good condition that has been stolen, and is able to be gifted.
There isn't tons of stuff, I'm not a horder or someone who buys/steals stuff they have no use for.

OP posts:
HowlsMovingBungalow · 05/01/2019 11:32

Stealing ( aka being a criminal ) for 10 years does define who you are OP. You can't sugarcoat a turd and admire it's beauty - it is still a turd.

Original poster
WorkingGirlJem · 05/01/2019 11:35

snog I think your current anxiety is because you have given up shoplifting but perhaps not dealt with the reasons that you shoplifted in the first place
This may be true, and I would seek therapy if I feel I need it.

Contrary to what posters have said or believe, I actually feel a great deal better already just by sharing.

OP posts:
Original poster
WorkingGirlJem · 05/01/2019 11:37

If you say so Bungalow I have no desire to argue. I cannot change the past, only the future.

OP posts:
MrsBrianWarner · 05/01/2019 11:46

This exercise isnt going to help you forget. Interesting turn of phrase.

What you are seeking is absolution. This is a long road you have ahead.

Wellbeing course - so there was some link with your health amd mortality, holistically.

I strongly urge you to seek some professional support although the type you need probably isnt on the NHS for someone in your situation.

I also stand by a cluster b disorder being a strong factor.

Xmastinseltown · 05/01/2019 11:47

I know it's a tall order, but IF you're really serious about turning over a new leaf OP, why not take your stolen loot to your local Police station, admit to what you've been up to and face your consequences?

You may be lucky enough to get a caution, but whatever happens, you will be proving to YOURSELF that you're ready and willing to change for the better.

zippey · 05/01/2019 11:51

I think everyone has shoplifted at some point in thier lives. Wether it’s a 5p carrier bag or something bigger. I used to shoplift toys when I was about 13. I got caught stealing a kinder egg once and that made me stop but I’ve taken the odd carrier bag since then. And if the cashier makes a mistake then I’m quids in.

Even Hanks wife in Breaking Bad had this affliction. Anthony Worral Thomson and Winona Ryder also come to mind. I don’t think it’s anything too bad but OPs experience seems like it was horrible addiction, so I’m glad you are stopping.

Maybe you can give some of it to charity? Or even steal food items from supermarkets and put them into the food bank trolley, making some good from bad.

Overall though, there are worse crimes.

MrMeSeeks · 05/01/2019 11:55

To be completely honest I didn't acknowledge that my actions were affecting the staff directly, although I never stole from independents or small shops.

So that’s ok? You’re the reason the big shops can’t keep temp staff on, can’t give extra hours, can’t take the much needed staff on because of the money they're losing because of people like you.
That’s the reality.

‘I have morals’ Hmm

HowlsMovingBungalow · 05/01/2019 12:00

It is all very cliche.

Botanica · 05/01/2019 12:03

"Or even steal food items from supermarkets and put them into the food bank trolley, making some good from bad."

@zippey the OP wants to give up her stealing habit, so encouraging her to continue is not very helpful. Why would you advise her to keep breaking the law, and risking her career and family?

She can afford to BUY food items from supermarkets and put them in the food bank like everyone else does.