I wear a niqab! AMA

[JamTea]

Hi everyone,

I am a regular MNer and NC'd for this :). As background, I have a successful career in tech, I am a Muslim and I wear niqab too. Since Boris's comments, I've seen quite a bit written on MN about burqa and niqab, and thought it may be useful to answer any questions people have in relation to niqab. I also know a large number of Muslim women and have lived in various Muslim communities, so can probably speak from my experience and relay other people's experiences too.

Just as a note: I don't know any women in the UK that wear burqa and I have never seen anyone wear a burqa in real life. The difference between niqab and burqa is illustrated here: cdn.images.express.co.uk/img/dynamic/1/590x/scarf-651554.jpg

Most people in the U.K. wouldn’t support a ban but feel it’s just a bit odd to be honest

I would support a ban as long as I knew it didn't mean the women were then forced to stay inside like prisoners. If this would be the consequence I woildnt support a ban.

I would love to continue but I have to tend to my daughter and my husband thinks I am texting and wants to look at my phone so I have to go. Thank you all for your kind words. Good evening

Warm wishes and I have every hope you can leave on day soon Candy

I went to a 98% Muslim primary school in Tower Hamlets. Lots of the girls, as young as 5 (when I started there, could've been younger), were wearing hijab and complaining of the sheer heat

I got into serious trouble for trying to help a friend remove hers for PE because she wanted it off for playing football

Our teacher told her Dad, who would usually pick her up, and I didn't see her again for another two weeks.

What do you think of little girls, before they've even hit puberty, wearing this type of dress code OP?

I hope you can escape one day Candysugar.

CandySugar, your parents have lived their lives and you are entitled to live yours, won't you regret it if you don't? Don't you think as a parent yourself that your parents should want the best for you and for you to be happy? You can't do something only for them, surely you will resent them.

Candy, I am so sad to hear this, this is what I believed to be happening when I see women covered. Headscarf and modest dress ok and looks nice (ala Nadia British bake off) but all the variations on a niqab or burqua do look imprisoning and oppressive. It does make it very difficult to connect with someone when you can't see their face, it creates a huge communication barrier. Also, if I was to live in a community where face covering was common , I would struggle to identify individuals even if we passed each other by regularly , this is very sad. I can't imagine having to live like this

This thread is so sad.

About twenty years ago I travelled round Pakistan with a hat, long shirt buttoned up to the neck and sleeves, long baggy trousers. I almost passed out from the heat. I then went to Iran where I wore the Chidor (the long cloak and headscarf).it was so cool and breezy and a relief to wear. I enjoyed blending in with everyone else as being a western woman in SE Asia gets a bit tiresome at times.

By the time I got to Turkey, I really didn't want to take it off as it made me feel safe and the thought of Turkish men gawping at me felt a bit depressing.

My point is this was entirely my choice. And I wore it to blend in and to be the same as all the other women. The face veil, however, definitely puts up a physical barrier so I can understand people's concern about this.

I saw many women wearing the niqab in SW Pakistan. It's quite surreal.

Advice, it's not that easy! To turn your back on everything you've ever known is fucking hard! I'm not sure I could do it.

Candy, keep strong love. Advice is right though in saying that support is there for you.

Oh CandySugar that is so sad and I hope things will change for you someday. If a ban did happen would the men still force you to wear it, using women as some sort of indirect protest?

Just that's horrendous. Your poor friend. There is NO reason for little girls to be dressed this way. I am sure any perfect, loving God would despise it.

It feels like she may be not typical
Indeed. There’s a lot about this thread that reminds me of the ‘I’m engaged to a Jehova’s Witness AMA’ thread. IE protesting too much.

IMO boris said nothing wrong. I don’t like it either and I think it should be banned..,

I would support a ban as long as I knew it didn't mean the women were then forced to stay inside like prisoners. If this would be the consequence I woildnt support a ban
Again, indeed. Clever, huh? The ‘patriarchs’ have got them, one way or the other.

@Candysugar
People like you make me feel down sad I hope you find a way out

Advice, what a shitty thing to write, candy has already explained why she won't leave her husband. Do you write the same thing ro every abused woman who won't leave, that rhey are talking crap and just need to make a phone Call?

And Judas, agree it feels off. And it's curious so few answers too. I wonder if her husband is checking her phone too.

CandySugar, as a woman I send you sisterly strength. You have been brave and at least gained some independence over your fertility in getting the implant.

Sadly I suspect that Niqab or no Niqab issue your father, brothers and husband are so steeped in male power and dominance that they would do all they could to keep you ‘in your place’ whatever you wear or do not wear. I think it is unfortunate (to say the least) that religion (s) provide a smokescreen for men to practice such oppression and abusive behaviour.

Do all you can to support your Dd’s education and prospects.

Good luck to you.

Please don’t feel sad for me guys. My life was mapped out for me when I was born and this is the life allah gave me, it’s just hard for women like me living with not much freedom. When the weather was hot hot not so long ago I was looking at you lovely women wondering what it would be like to wear lovely clothes like dress and earrings . How does it feel not to be so hot under all this garments. Women like us we are lonely so we dream a lot but we are strong and we get through

Clionba that's correct and a great point. The hair shirt, along with other acts of piety such as lashes or wearing the scapular, HAD to be secret, otherwise it was worthless. It had to be for God alone to see.

I don't know any women in the UK that wear burqa and I have never seen anyone wear a burqa in real life
Men also have things they could do in relation to dress to get closer to God, such as wear a turban
Apologies if I’ve missed it, but do you currently live in the U.K.? I only ask because of the first statement. I don’t, unlike you, live in a Muslim community. I have, however, lived in more than one major U.K. city, I live rurally now, but I have seen many women wearing burqa. And yes I do know what burqa is, I did anyway but checked your link, thank you. So I find our differing experiences very odd. One thing I have never seen, however, is a man accompanying the burqa wearing women, wearing a turban. Not once. I’ve not even seen a turban wearing Muslim man accompanying a Niqab wearing woman. This is just one of the things that makes it difficult for me to believe it when Muslim women state it is their ‘choice’. It’s a bit like how I feel when MRAs state that women ‘choose’ to do low paid, part time work, like Caring.

I have taught my son, now 7 that women dress this way because it is what you believe God/Allah wants you to do. Do you believe this or is it family/patriarchal pressure?

Candy, you're never alone. x

Hi candy reading your post is so sad. Sorry veering odd topic here, but there are organisation for Muslim women run by Muslim women. I believe one is Nora? But please do find somewhere, if you are so down and saddened by life. There is no compulsion in religion

Off topic *

candy - would a ban make life more restrictive or less?