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Original poster

I wear a niqab! AMA

838 replies

JamTea · 12/08/2018 13:34

Hi everyone,

I am a regular MNer and NC'd for this :). As background, I have a successful career in tech, I am a Muslim and I wear niqab too. Since Boris's comments, I've seen quite a bit written on MN about burqa and niqab, and thought it may be useful to answer any questions people have in relation to niqab. I also know a large number of Muslim women and have lived in various Muslim communities, so can probably speak from my experience and relay other people's experiences too.

Just as a note: I don't know any women in the UK that wear burqa and I have never seen anyone wear a burqa in real life. The difference between niqab and burqa is illustrated here: cdn.images.express.co.uk/img/dynamic/1/590x/scarf-651554.jpg

OP posts:
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Jayfee · 12/08/2018 17:56

I thought that Islam requires women not to draw attention to themselves. Surely wearing the hijab in the UK guarantees drawing attention to yourself. Isn't wearing a headscarf and modest clothing more appropriate?

Mayra1367 · 12/08/2018 17:58

Many interesting questions, hope that all get answered.
Personally I have no issues with headscarf’s etc but many women have fought for equal rights in this country and I think the importation of this custom is dangerous. Regardless of wearers saying it’s their choice etc etc I think it is divisive and would welcome a ban .

Candysugar · 12/08/2018 17:59

I’m a Muslim and I wear the niqab. I wear it because of pressure within my community, pressure within my family and now pressure within my husbands family. You won’t find many of us that admit it but I no an awful lot of women that hate this lifestyle. Yes it’s hot, yes it’s uncomfortable but we just grin and bear it. Taking away a women’s right to wear make up, have a nice hairstyle, for us to wear nice pretty clothes in pretty colours is mans control from our fathers to our brothers. My two sisters were disowned from family because they would not conform and I haven’t seen them for over 10 years. It breaks my heart. I have a daughter aged 3 and yes she will have to wear it soon, I feel so bad I am putting this prison on to her. I am a Muslim woman and I hate it, it feels so good to say it, it segregates us from everything but it’s just all about control for our fathers and our husbands. We have no choice please believe me

Branleuse · 12/08/2018 18:00

Do you chat freely to non muslim women and do you feel it distances you from people. Is this part of the point?

MyBeloved · 12/08/2018 18:02

Candysugar

My heart aches for you. And for your daughter.

Branleuse · 12/08/2018 18:02

@candysugar are you in the UK? Are you hoping for a ban?

Branleuse · 12/08/2018 18:04

I believe you candysugar. Im sure some women do choose it and i think by doing so and trying to promote it as a free choice they are throwing their sisters under the bus :(

Candysugar · 12/08/2018 18:05

I live in inner city Birmingham. I feel trapped. I have always felt such way but you just can’t speak out. I do love certain parts of my religion but men take parts and twist them to make it hard for women

MyBeloved · 12/08/2018 18:08

Candysugar , do you mind me asking what the consequences would be if you or your daughter did not conform to the men's wishes?

Candysugar · 12/08/2018 18:11

My husband would beat me, my family would see it as protecting our reptutation so would agree with him beating me, my community would point at me and call me bad names, my brothers would look at me with disgust, family meeting would take place my husband might even have grounds to divorce me I could not do it because would cause deep shame

Bluntness100 · 12/08/2018 18:13

Good for you candy sugar being honest, 💐

Do you know any Muslim women who wear it against their husbands and families wishes like rhe op? It feels like she may be not typical.

Branleuse · 12/08/2018 18:13

Op. Can you escape. Could you speak to womens aid. You dont have to live like this x

mikado1 · 12/08/2018 18:14

CandySugar that is heartbreaking. I don't know enough about this at all but, is it right to say you are therefore forced to enforce this with her? Have you thought about getting in touch with your sisters and leaving also?

OP what would it feel like if you were 'seen' eating in a private booth? Are you embarrassed/annoyed/ashamed? I pass a Muslim family when running in v small running gear (it's too hot for much more) and feel so uncomfortable running past them, man in shorts and t-shirts and woman covered head to toe. Are they judging do you think?

MyBeloved · 12/08/2018 18:16

Oh Candy, that is dreadful. I wish you were not in such an awful situation.

What will happen if it is banned? Will you be able to go outside or will you effectively be a prisoner in your own home?

Bluntness100 · 12/08/2018 18:17

I'm also curious candy, when you say many women won't admit they are forced to wear it and hate it, why can't they admit they have to wear it? Why do they have to pretend it's free choice?

Namethecat · 12/08/2018 18:17

Candysugar

I am sorry you have to wear something you feel repressed in. It must truly be a terrible experience . I am going to be truthful here and I hope that any wearers do not take this the wrong way ( and I would feel the same about anyone female /male that would wear something that hid their face ) It makes me feel a little intimidated and scared as you cannot get the ' feel ' of a person by not seeing expression.

Candysugar · 12/08/2018 18:19

We stay within our community to feel normal so eating in restaurants with booths doesn’t bother me because this has been my only life. I would never dream of leaving my husband as would bring too much shame on my parents and they have had too much shame with my sisters. I have many friends who hate this lifestyle. It so unfair for women. Behind my husbands back I had implant with help of my friend because I don’t want any more girl children this life is so unfair, I can’t get job, I get called names in the street by non Asian , I am not allowed to learn to drive , it is all controlled by husband all money and my life

Growingboys · 12/08/2018 18:20

Do you not think it's unfair, given you can see everyone else, but we can't see you?

Do you ever question whether your religion is real? I am always struck by how accepting Muslims seem to be, whereas all my Christian and Jewish friends talk about questioning their faith, and aspects thereof, and are quite relaxed to do so.

ScrubTheDecks · 12/08/2018 18:20

OP, what branch of Islam do you observe? Are you a Wahhabi?

Bluntness100 · 12/08/2018 18:21

I don't feel intimidated or scared when I see a woman wearing one, more curious, I wonder what she's like and I assume she has been forced to wear it. I'd never assume it was through choice, which is why the op surprised me. Even more when she claims her family and husband would rather she didn't,

Candysugar · 12/08/2018 18:21

If they admit they hate it then it will make the men look like joke and they can’t have that

Calledyoulastnightfromglasgow · 12/08/2018 18:22

How on earth does your child recognise you at the school gate? Or your friend in the street? How can you engage and chat with the person in the corner shop? How could you run a business meeting if everyone dressed like this?

It makes me feel desperately sad as I feel it’s the major barrier to integration of people. The covered lady - I assume she was a lady - was invisible as our school gate. We couldn’t see if she was smiling or not.

Most people in the U.K. wouldn’t support a ban but feel it’s just a bit odd to be honest

flumpybear · 12/08/2018 18:22

Sorry if this seems a bit blunt,
I'm
A Scientist and I question - LOTS!

how would you feel if you found out there was either no such thing as
God, Or if scripture was wrong and it was
Some bloke or other writing such fairy tales that had been thought for thousands of years to be 'true' ... like Santa perhaps in Christian life, and You actually spent your whole entire life covered up and cast away? How would you feel on your death bed for example that this isn't what god wanted from you at all, perhaps even 'failed' for being easily led?

Trying not to sound horrible, just asking those difficult questions - hopefully with respect (meant that way)

IAmNotAntiWomen · 12/08/2018 18:23

Candy Flowers

Many institutions will protect the reputation rather than the people who make it up, they divide and conquer.

Can you contact your siblings?

I hope one day you can escape.

Bluntness100 · 12/08/2018 18:23

I can’t get job, I get called names in the street by non Asian , I am not allowed to learn to drive , it is all controlled by husband all money and my life

This is really sad indeed. I'm sorry you are forced to live like this by people who proclaim to love you. And they force it in the name of religion.