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AMA

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Original poster

I wear a niqab! AMA

838 replies

JamTea · 12/08/2018 13:34

Hi everyone,

I am a regular MNer and NC'd for this :). As background, I have a successful career in tech, I am a Muslim and I wear niqab too. Since Boris's comments, I've seen quite a bit written on MN about burqa and niqab, and thought it may be useful to answer any questions people have in relation to niqab. I also know a large number of Muslim women and have lived in various Muslim communities, so can probably speak from my experience and relay other people's experiences too.

Just as a note: I don't know any women in the UK that wear burqa and I have never seen anyone wear a burqa in real life. The difference between niqab and burqa is illustrated here: cdn.images.express.co.uk/img/dynamic/1/590x/scarf-651554.jpg

OP posts:

Thread gallery

Chartreuseveil · 13/08/2018 11:39

I am really shocked not just by the extent people have gone to discredit (just because I wear niqab) but also what appears to be radio silence from everyone else.

Bullying is wrong but there’s no complusion for anyone to defend your wearing of the niqab if they disagree with what the garment represents generally. Likely many on this thread do.

Pornstarlips · 13/08/2018 11:42

I do not agree with the niqab at all but it is the OPs decision to wear it just like the women who decide to wear short skirts in cold weather. The OP is trying to answer the questions truthfully from her experience and knowledge and all she is getting is abuse

Original poster

JamTea · 13/08/2018 11:43

@Chartreuseveil

Bullying is wrong but there’s no complusion for anyone to defend your wearing of the niqab if they disagree with what the garment represents generally. Likely many on this thread do.

There should be no BUT after bullying is wrong. Call bullying out when you see it, regardless of whether you agree with the poster or not.

I don't expect any one to defend the niqab, but I do expect MNers to call out bullying, and in my experience, they normally always do.

OP posts:

Clionba · 13/08/2018 11:44

@JamTea is there an age for non related makes eg your child's friends, if they were 11 or 12? At what age do you have to wear the niqab in front of them or does it depend. Also in terms of "relations" what about cousins, cousins' spouses, second cousins etc?

LassWiADelicateAir · 13/08/2018 11:47

Pornstarlips

Why is my username offensive?

I've explained it twice. A name which focuses on the objectification and sexual objectification of women for commercial exploitation.

So can we take from this that anything other than wholesale approval of wearing a niqab is islamophobic?

Sleeplikeasloth · 13/08/2018 11:48

Meh, I think it must take guts to choose to wear the veil in the UK.

I suspect the reality is that some women choose to wear it, some women are forced to wear it, and some are in between, where they feel under social pressure to wear it, but could choose not to. I think it's as nonsense to say that no one chooses it, as to say that no one is forced to wear it.

I have a big problem with the idea of a ban. Not sure it would practically help those who are forced to wear it, and I'm very uncomfortable with the government telling women how to dress. We need to find a way of supportive suppressed women, but this isn't by banning items of clothing, but through increased opportunities for women, and more opportunities for social integration (which would be hindered by banning the veil).

For me, my breasts and genitals are not for public viewing. That's ok, as we tend to wear clothes covering them. For some women (veil wearing Muslim's), their face also falls in that private category. To say they need to uncover their face is as intrusive surely as asking me to walk round naked.

As for five year old wearing the niqab, I've never heard of this. Even back in tacloban Afghanistan, I thought young girls were only expected to wear a scarf, if that. I thought it be a me more restrictive at puberty. This does make make me doubt thst posters story tbh.

Chartreuseveil · 13/08/2018 11:48

The subject matter is divisive Jamtea, as you realised before starting the thread

Original poster

JamTea · 13/08/2018 11:48

@Clionba People practice the niqab differently. So some people will not wear it in front of their cousins, cousins' spouses etc (and I think that's probably most the people I know). Others are more strict and will wear it in front of any male who is above say 15 (post-puberty). But that doesn't mean they wont interact. Most women I know don't wear it in front of their DC's friends, as they have known them since they were little kids, and are like family. I don't wear it in front of close male friends and family.

OP posts:

LassWiADelicateAir · 13/08/2018 11:49

The OP is trying to answer the questions truthfully from her experience and knowledge and all she is getting is abuse

That is a lie.

muttmad · 13/08/2018 11:50

I do have a question, you say you wear the veil to bring you closer to god, does that mean you wear in in the home too, not just out in public?
Ive read previous threads from women who said they cant wait to throw it off when they get home, which suggests it was worn by them more for modesty than anything else.
Im just trying to understand the reasons hope you don't mind the question!

Original poster

JamTea · 13/08/2018 11:51

@Chartreuseveil

The subject matter is divisive Jamtea, as you realised before starting the thread Of course I realise that and I appreciate it, but I don't think that justifies bullying.

OP posts:

Original poster

JamTea · 13/08/2018 11:53

@LassWiADelicateAir I have reported your post to MN as you are accusing me of being a liar.

@muttmad
I do have a question, you say you wear the veil to bring you closer to god, does that mean you wear in in the home too, not just out in public? definitely don't wear it at home :) It is for when in public only.

OP posts:

Original poster

JamTea · 13/08/2018 11:55

I think I have answered all the questions now. I am going to log out now as I have things to crack on with, but I will pop in later on this week to see if there's any questions that haven't been answered and you are welcome to DM me too if you have any questions.

OP posts:

SpicyTomatos · 13/08/2018 11:57

I'd like to know about dating. When you met your husband, before marriage, did you remove your niqab? When did he first see your face?

safariboot · 13/08/2018 11:57

It dismays me to read some of the hostile attitudes here. I live in a mainly-Muslim area and see women wearing the niqab all the time. (Though it's much less common than the hijab). Some of my colleagues wear it. I don't bat an eyelid.

OP, if the UK went the way of some European countries and tried do ban it, what do you think women who wear the niqab would do? Just stop wearing it? Wear it anyway - if it's common and stays common in an area what can the police really do? Or, the concern that many opposed to such laws have, do you think women would stop going out?

Pornstarlips · 13/08/2018 11:57

lass I have full lips, that's all.

Biologifemini · 13/08/2018 12:06

Really interesting thread.
I think you should go on tv. Am yet to hear from anyone other than non niquab wearers on tv (obviously I don’t think you need to justify particularly but it causes such offense and division a clear explanation may help!).
I am not keen on them as I like to see facial expression. My that it my problem and not anyone else’s!
It is tricky for atheists to understand because if you don’t believe it god then none of the subsequent arguements really add up.

LassWiADelicateAir · 13/08/2018 12:09

*JamTea

@LassWiADelicateAir I have reported your post to MN as you are accusing me of being a liar.

Try reading the post. I did not call you a liar. I said pornstarlip's post saying all you got was abuse was a lie.

I am reporting your post about me.

LassWiADelicateAir · 13/08/2018 12:15

Pornstarlips

lass I have full lips, that's all

I'm sorry you find the objectification and commercial exploitation something to smile about.

Ibelieveinkarma · 13/08/2018 12:18

For some women (veil wearing Muslims) their face also falls into that private category. To say they need to uncover their face is as intrusive surely as asking me to walk around naked.

Really? .... I don't think you can compare the two.
For me personally, If I see someone wearing a niqab, I have no idea who the person underneath the disguise is, and it does make me feel uncomfortable.
The reason being, I can't 'read' the persons face in order to get an impression as to the kind of person I think they may be. Are they friendly? are they approachable? are they stand offish? etc etc.
In other words, every one of us look first and foremost at people's faces in order to form an immediate impression of them. We then read other forms of body language.

It's human nature to want to interact (or not) with someone when we read their facial expressions.

purits · 13/08/2018 12:25

It is tricky for atheists to understand because if you don’t believe it god then none of the subsequent arguments really add up.

It depends if you think that "Honestly, I don't know. I just know it pleases Him, and that's why I do it." even qualifies as an 'argument'. To non-believers it sounds like "A man told me to do it. And other men agreed with him. And that's why I do it."

Ibelieveinkarma · 13/08/2018 12:34

I meant to add to my post, how is it possible to be able to interact with people who hide their faces, which in turn makes it difficult for people to be able to strike up a conversation with them if they wish to?

candysugar1 · 13/08/2018 12:36

I deleted my account because I didn’t want any trace of what I said getting back to any body I no. So that’s why I went. And yes my daughter is required to cover her face when she starts school and she is also required to cover her face when she starts religious studies which take place every day after school at a family friends house. I would not lie of such things.

PurpleCrowbar · 13/08/2018 12:36

With regard to Candy stating that her dd at 5 would have to attend Islamic school and cover - I read this as a) she would be expected to attend a madrassa in addition to regular schooling & b) she would be expected, by family, to cover.

Both of these were the case in my Pakistani born nanny's family when I lived in the UK.

NOT that the dd would be attending a school (as in regular 8-3 school) which required her to cover as part of uniform.

I've no idea if Candy was genuine or not - I'm enclined to believe her, having grown up in inner city Brum with a good school friend whose background was almost as restrictive - but either way, the school/covering thing isn't a gotcha.

PurpleCrowbar · 13/08/2018 12:37

Sorry - spectacular x post there!

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